Working/Daycare Moms (?)

Shawnee11507

I am really hopeful that I am going to finally get a job by the end of this year (please, please, please!). How did you transition LO to daycare, or did you transition?

We don't have any family or friends yet where we live and I haven't met anyone I know well enough to trust to babysit him yet, so he is with me 24/7 pretty much. The ILs have watched him maybe half a dozen times when we visit them, and the longest he's been away from me is about 4 hours.

My BA is in psychology and in one of my classes, they showed a video on attachment that traumatized me. Basically, I am afraid that if we go from LO seeing me 24/7 to- bam- mom is gone 9hrs a day, LO will hate me for life.

I wish we could gradually start working on me being gone a little more often now, but we can't really afford to pay sitters until I have a job too and no family/friends in the area, so... The ILs are 2hrs away. They are willing to watch him overnight even, but they only see him 1x a month (so it's not like he really really knows them) and it's far away enough that I wouldn't be able to rush over there if he gets hysterical. I would love for them to take him overnight, but I wish we could work up to it.

My only idea is once I get hired to try and start daycare 2 weeks early and have him go 2hrs for two days, 3hrs for two days, etc and work up to 9hrs over the two weeks?

What do you think? Am I over-thinking this/freaking out for nothing? Wwyd?

ssimon621

You're not overthinking it.  Especially since he will be older during the transition.  Most of us transitioned when our LO's were under 6 months.

I would say start about two weeks out.  Visit with the center with him one day for at least two hours.  Do a half day two or three times that week.  Half a day on the next Monday and Tuesday and all day Wednesday through Friday.  I"m not sure if he is BF or FF so that may cause an issue if he doesn't take bottles.

Jen0204

How about playgroups?  That way he gets used to start being in a group of kids at least.  We did it cold turkey when we went back to work, but they also started off going to my mom's every day and my mom and sister would watch them and my nephew.  Then at the end of August they started going to an in-home daycare 3 days a week (my mom does the other two). 

I'm sure it will be a big adjustment for him - and you! - but he won't be scarred for life.  I think if you can get him used to being around a group of other kids that will help, and that your plan of starting slowly might help too (though if you're going to do 2 hours a day, then 3, etc. I would do it every day), but it will work out because it has to work out.  Do you know if you're going to send him to a center daycare or an in-home one?  If it's an in-home one and you find one now it might not be expensive to start going twice a week for a couple of hours a day.  Mine has a $35/day drop in fee, and that's for the whole day.  If you find one now and start doing that it could give him the chance to get to know the DCP and the other kids.

Shawnee11507

It does make me nervous since he will be at least 11 months by the time he starts daycare and more aware. 

I have been EP'ing since about 4 months, so he takes bottles no problem- although he doesn't always drink as much when someone else feeds him.

We will be sending him to a daycare center. Preferably one with cameras so I can check on him during the day if I want to. 

I have joined a playgroup and we try to do something with them or storytime at the library at least 1x a week, but sometimes there isn't anything on the schedule for us to do, so a few weeks go by without it. 

He does love going out and people watching, so that is a good thing- but he does constantly "check in" with me. 

aglenn

I did a gradual transition with both kids.  The posters on the Working Moms board routinely give me the side eye when I post about it, but whatever...it worked for us. 

With both kids I started by going for a few visits with the baby where we'd stay and play for an hour or two.  With DD I took a long transition and then left her for a couple hours, then half a day, then a couple days a week, etc.  The whole thing took a few weeks with her.  DS is much more easy going and seemed to really be happy there so I just went for several visits with him and then left him for a half day on my first day back to work, gradually working up to full days by the end of the first week.  Both of them did great!  I think it helps for them to be familiar with the center and the caregivers while you are there before you just vanish.  At least that is what I like to tell myself.    Good luck, I know it's hard!

Shawnee11507

aglenn:

I did a gradual transition with both kids.  The posters on the Working Moms board routinely give me the side eye when I post about it, but whatever...it worked for us. 

With both kids I started by going for a few visits with the baby where we'd stay and play for an hour or two.  With DD I took a long transition and then left her for a couple hours, then half a day, then a couple days a week, etc.  The whole thing took a few weeks with her.  DS is much more easy going and seemed to really be happy there so I just went for several visits with him and then left him for a half day on my first day back to work, gradually working up to full days by the end of the first week.  Both of them did great!  I think it helps for them to be familiar with the center and the caregivers while you are there before you just vanish.  At least that is what I like to tell myself.    Good luck, I know it's hard!

Thanks. I never thought about hanging out there myself and playing. I will have to ask the center I have in mind if that is cool with them. 

CotterpinDoozer

I think you're very smart to transition since he will be older.  DD started daycare at 12 weeks and had no issues.  However - just the other month a mom started her girl at 6 months and she just cried and screamed for so longer after the mom dropped her off, it seemed really cruel to just be thrown into it. 

karleegirl

I volunteer in the nursery at church. I go to a very large church, several thousand people. I volunteer with crawlers and early walkers. Now I know it's different than dc but generally the babies cry for a few minutes then they're fine. Lingering around makes it harder.

Ds1 started dc at age 2. He walked in said bye and didn't look back. But I can still remember other lo's holding their mom's legs for dear life.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way. Maybe try going the week before for a little while. If that seems to upset him let it be. I'd say the teachers will be a good guide. Try to work as a team with them.

Good luck you'll both do great.

MollySm

I don't have too much experience with starting at that age, but I do know that by age 2, it's much easier if you stay and play one day, but then on actual drop off day if you linger it does seem to be harder on most kids. 

As far as long lasting damage, try not to worry about that.  He will be fine!  About 5 years ago I started nannying for a family.  The little boy had just turned one.  He was a premie (29 weeker) and they were scared of everything.  He almost never went anywhere for fear of germs, and they certainly didn't let anyone else watch him, and very few visitors.  He had a very hard transition, and cried a lot the first couple of days, but after a few days he was over it, I was just another person he was comfortable with, and that was that.  It was hard on his parents, but they just left him because they had to, and because they trusted me.   He still loves and adores them, loves and adores me (though I don't nanny for him anymore) and is doing great.