Sad news - T & P's appreciated

andpro01

So I don't post here very often, but I do lurk regularly so I feel like I "know" a lot of you.

My SS (11)'s mom was lost in a horrible car accident late Friday evening.  So we have a tough road ahead of us, as SS will be with us full-time now.  I don't know really know how to feel...honestly, its a very overwhelming.  I'm very sad for my SS who is left without a mother at such a young age.  I'm sad that he has to change schools for the second time in a month (she and her DH were divorcing) and that his life is never going to be the same.  I'm sad for my DH, who has wanted primary custody for so long, but never in a million years wished this was how he would get it. 

Anyway, I don't really know why I'm sharing this, but maybe to remind us all that life is short and while blended families can be very trying, these kids need all their parents (bio, step, etc.). 

Please send T & P's for my SS; he definitely needs all he can get.

twister22

T&P's your way. I am sure this is tremendously difficult on SS. If he has any other siblings from his mom, I would encourage you to please, please, PLEASE make sure they maintain a relationship - I am sure that will be important to SS. If SS wants to see grandparents or other family members from his mom's family, please allow that too. SS has a long road ahead of him, and it is important that you and your DH are supportive and understanding of him. Best of luck, and we're hear as an ear if you have days you need to vent or need advice.

cole2144

twister22:

T&P's your way. I am sure this is tremendously difficult on SS. If he has any other siblings from his mom, I would encourage you to please, please, PLEASE make sure they maintain a relationship - I am sure that will be important to SS. If SS wants to see grandparents or other family members from his mom's family, please allow that too. SS has a long road ahead of him, and it is important that you and your DH are supportive and understanding of him. Best of luck, and we're hear as an ear if you have days you need to vent or need advice.

Thoughts and prayers are coming your way! I definitely second this.

andpro01

Thanks.  He doesn't have any other siblings on that side of the family, but we are making sure that he still has access to her side of the family and his SF.  We have actually been encouraging him to go spend time with his grandma (her mom).  Right now, I think he feels like he can avoid thinking about it by not going since its still "normal" at our house.  He's actually with them now, which is good.  Hopefully, being around them will help him to get through it.

We're also looking into counseling for him, as well as some local support groups.

It's such an awful situation and my heart just breaks for him.

CurlyQ284

I'm so sorry, how awful.

jaded99

My dd's BF passed away suddenly almost 4 years ago when she was 9.  Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk, or need advice.  It's definately a difficult situation.

Littlejen22

Your family is in my thoughts. My biggest advise is to get a family and GOOD child therapist and look for a bereavement groups for kids even if he never needs to go. As for you, be ready to be a parent without acting like his Mom and be open to eventually feeling like a Mom because he might never want that but then again he might need it down the line.

And come back here even when you feel ridiculous, we can be blunt but this board is helpful.

Littlejen22

I am glad you guys are "forcing" him to go because he needs to grieve and not avoid.

brenaxtruthx

Prays and thoughts for the family

Kaeldrasmommy

T&P's your way. Certainly none of us want this to happen. Feel free to come here for anything, this will be very hard on all of you I'm sure.

AmeliaKris

Here there is an Amanda the Panda camp for kids who lose parents to connect with other kids. I'm not sure if its local or national. I'm sorry for Your SS 's loss. Big hugs to your family.

Nineoceans

I'm sorry my TP are with you

FutureMrsWittig

Praying for peace for your SS.  I'm sure you and your H will handle this with all the grace in the world, and I'm just so sorry that this had to be how things happened.  No advice, just heartfelt sympathy.

andpro01

Thanks for your responses everyone.  I appreciate it.

J&A2008

Praying for all of you. 

kali55

T&P to you and your SS and your family

SueBear

twister22:

If SS wants to see grandparents or other family members from his mom's family, please allow that too.

Ditto this.  Those connections are so important!  DH lost his mother at a young age, and it means the world to him that he is still connected to his mother via her family.  It answers a lot of questions that DH STILL has at age 50+ - many because his dad remarried and refused to talk about his mom anymore

I am so sorry for your SS.  T&P for him and for your family.

 

 

karatechrissy

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes we just need to 'get it out' to people who are not connected immediately to the situation. I'm sorry your family (and SS especially) is going through this. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this difficult time. 

KTdidit

T&P for your family, especially your SS.