***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In!I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Bayberry12

 Thanks for still doing the check-in.  I was away last week and didn't get a chance to participate.  Hoping to catch up with everyone. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

DH and I have stopped TTA, although we are not actively TTC (not charting/temping) just taking things as they happen.  This was a pretty big step for me. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

We are planing to visit with my in-laws this weekend, I have only seen them once since my loss.  And at the first visit, I felt they were putting a lot of pressure on me to get back to normal, and I didn't feel good about that visit.  Since then, I have spoken to my MIL several times and I think she has a better understanding of just how hard this is for me.  Right now I am feeling ok about seeing them again, not too stressed, just starting to think of all the non-comforting things they might say.     

QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?

I didn't do anything for this day, but was touch by all the amazing posts on here and on the fb page.  I was too afraid to post anything, afraid of the reactions, afraid of getting no reaction at all.  It's still very hard  for me to be public with my loss right now.

My next milestone is Sunday.  It will be six months.  It's just starting to hit me; I should have a six month old here with me.  I hope the day comes and isn't too sad for me.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Everything I wrote above.  But, mostly thinking about the possibility of getting pregnant again soon.  

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?On Monday, I participated in a loss mama group. It was the first time ever that this group has met, so it was just me, a very good friend of mine and another woman that I have been talking to via FB that I was introduced to by an acquaintance. It was the first time I ever told my story to anyone and I was kind of glad it was with people I knew. I have been crying a lot this week since then, but I feel like I am letting out emotions that I have pushed down for the past few months. We have made plans to meet a little more regular and I am excited to have the chance to talk about my true feelings with people that "get it."
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Just continue healing and making sure we set up our next meeting.
QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?See above.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?My SIL is due in the next few weeks. They don't live in the area so they are planning on coming down for Thanksgiving. I am really having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I don't know how I am going to get through the day. The other part is that they usually stay at our house. I told DH that I don't think I can deal with a newborn in my house right now. I have a lot of built up anxiety about this. 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?DH and I are getting ready to start TTCAL (we set the date of our vacation which is in 10 days).  DH is chomping at the bit right now but I want to stick to the date.  10 days from now is Corbin's 1st birthday and in the off chance that I get pregnant right away (we weren't trying in the first place so I have no idea if it's difficult or not for me to actually get pregnant) there would still be a 19 to 20 month gap which I feel we need.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  I want to TTCAL and PGAL by the book.  I had GD with Corbin so chances are I will have it again.  I'm trying to start cutting out the carbs (which will be hard when I'm in the pasta capital of the world soon) and beginning a walking program to keep active and healthy
QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?  We lit a candle for Corbin and all of his friends (I like to think that all of our babies are the best of friends up in heaven).  Corbin's birthday is in 10 days - same day we leave on vacation.  We plan on visiting him and leaving a gift and doing a balloon release at the cemetery.  Once we get to my parents we will have cupcakes or a small cake that I intend to eat like a 1 year old.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?TTCAL.  I'm so excited and so scared at the same time.  I can't believe the time has come and while I'm looking forward to it and my last pregnancy was uneventful, knowing all of you and several other women who have experienced loss at pretty much every week of pregnancy, my mind is racing over the things that could go wrong and how I would be completely destroyed if this happened again.  Already thinking about how DH and I won't be able to sleep for years because one of us will forever be staring at our child watching them breathe.

jbranden12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I did a lot of crying on Monday. I was just very emotional all day, and it felt good.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?My goals are more daily. I am trying to stay plugged in at my job. I used to be such a superstar, but I've really checked out lately. I want to keep my good reputation up so I can continue to advance. 
QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?DH and I lit the candle that we lit together at our wedding. We have designated it our family candle and plan to light it every year. No big milestones coming up, but I know the holidays will be very difficult.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?We are house/dog sitting for my parents. Their dog is my old dog, a smooth fox terrier. I got her when I was 12. I am worried about her because she is so old and yesterday DH came home early to find she had fallen into the pool! She was clinging to the side but couldn't find her way out. The water was very cold and we don't know how long she was in there, but DH said she couldn't move her back legs when he got her out. He cuddled her for an hour to warm her up, even though she drives him crazy. Love my DH! She probably would have drowned if he hadn't gone home early

jbranden12

Bayberry12:

 DH and I have stopped TTA, although we are not actively TTC (not charting/temping) just taking things as they happen.  This was a pretty big step for me. 

Good Luck, Bayberry! I hope you and your DH can enjoy a few weeks of dtd with wild abandon 

jbranden12

mdharrison:

This week I've found healing in getting not one, but two new jobs.  

Congrats! That is awesome!

jbranden12

tuscanbride2007:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

On Monday, I participated in a loss mama group. It was the first time ever that this group has met, so it was just me, a very good friend of mine and another woman that I have been talking to via FB that I was introduced to by an acquaintance. It was the first time I ever told my story to anyone and I was kind of glad it was with people I knew. I have been crying a lot this week since then, but I feel like I am letting out emotions that I have pushed down for the past few months. We have made plans to meet a little more regular and I am excited to have the chance to talk about my true feelings with people that "get it."

I'm so happy it was helpful! I don't have a group I meet with regularly, but we did go to Faith's Lodge and it was SO nice to be around people who understood. What amazed me was how much fun we had, we laughed more that weekend than I probably ever have in a weekend. We needed it so much, and it was so nice to do that without feeling like other people are thinking that we are "better now" or "over" the loss of our children. I hope this group can continue to be a fun and healing outlet for you!

jbranden12

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

I had GD with Corbin so chances are I will have it again.  I'm trying to start cutting out the carbs (which will be hard when I'm in the pasta capital of the world soon) and beginning a walking program to keep active and healthy

I had GD with Patricia and did the same thing as you! After she was born I continued to eat  5 or 6 small meals/snacks a day, making sure I got enough protein to balance the carbs. I also started walking with my DH every night. I don't know that it will keep me from getting GD again, but I think it will make the transition easier. I was so angry and disappointed when I got it the first time and I don't want to be that way again!

So jealous of your vacation!

buggirl72

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Nothing new this week. Just taking every day one day at a time.  

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Picking up Zachary's ashes.  DH was going to do this but he let me know that he was really uncomfortable with seeing the box. He has been stalling until we decide what we want to do because he was worried about seeing the box in the house everyday.  He is okay with it being in the house, he just does not want to see it.  I told him if he does pick them up, to give the box to me and I will take care of keeping it somewhere where DH will not see it or know where it is at. I am bothered about Zachary still being at the cremation place and would rather have him at home until we decide what to do.

QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?

We lit a candle and I posted something on FB.  Next big milestone is Saturday (4 weeks) and the 22nd which is one month. We will light our candle again on those days.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

School work, school work, school work. I have seven articles to do final editing on over the next week and need to stay on top of my reading and all of my prof's decided Oct 24/25 where great days to have papers due/presentations to make.  

starburst0928

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No, I have not.  Instead I took many steps backwards... I have a loss group tonight, so I am hoping I'll get some good advice and be back on the right track.   

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My goal is to lose the rest of my baby weight, which is about 20 pounds, by starting to work out slowly and eat healthy.  That way, when we start TTC, I will be as close to my original pre-baby weight as possible.  

QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?

The hubby and I lit a candle in memory of Bradley at 7pm, and I posted a picture/verbage about the day on facebook.  

I'm not sure what should be considered 'big', but every Friday is a milestone for me, since that is the day we found out Bradley had passed.  I guess my next 'bigger' milestone will be my 6 week PP visit in November.   

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Bradley's autopsy results.  I keep having such weird dreams about it.  I can't decide if I want to know something was physically wrong with him that caused his death, or if I want it to come back with no conclusions.  It's reassuring to know that I carried a baby full term, and will hopefully be able to do it again, but its terrifying to think that there could have been something wrong with him that is unavoidable in future babies. 

jbranden12

buggirl72:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

School work, school work, school work. I have seven articles to do final editing on over the next week and need to stay on top of my reading and all of my prof's decided Oct 24/25 where great days to have papers due/presentations to make.  

Good luck! I understand, I was in my last semester of grad school when we lost Patricia. I resumed my counseling internship 10 days after she was born and finished out my classes for the semester. It was difficult. I look back at my final papers and I have NO recollection of writing them!

Bayberry12

jbranden12:

Bayberry12:

 DH and I have stopped TTA, although we are not actively TTC (not charting/temping) just taking things as they happen.  This was a pretty big step for me. 

Good Luck, Bayberry! I hope you and your DH can enjoy a few weeks of dtd with wild abandon 

You just made me lol! Thanks.

Also, I am so glad your DH got home early and found your poor dog.  That is so scary!  

jbranden12

starburst0928:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Bradley's autopsy results.  I keep having such weird dreams about it.  I can't decide if I want to know something was physically wrong with him that caused his death, or if I want it to come back with no conclusions.  It's reassuring to know that I carried a baby full term, and will hopefully be able to do it again, but its terrifying to think that there could have been something wrong with him that is unavoidable in future babies. 

((hugs)) This is hard. We had no conclusions. Patricia had no chromosomal, congenital, or metabolic abnormalities and everything with me was good. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have an answer, but I will tell you that it gives me comfort to know that since we can't determine what happened to her after her death, there is NO way I or anyone else could have done anything to save her.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

jbranden12:

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

I had GD with Corbin so chances are I will have it again.  I'm trying to start cutting out the carbs (which will be hard when I'm in the pasta capital of the world soon) and beginning a walking program to keep active and healthy

I had GD with Patricia and did the same thing as you! After she was born I continued to eat  5 or 6 small meals/snacks a day, making sure I got enough protein to balance the carbs. I also started walking with my DH every night. I don't know that it will keep me from getting GD again, but I think it will make the transition easier. I was so angry and disappointed when I got it the first time and I don't want to be that way again!

So jealous of your vacation!

I was the same way.  I was so pissed when they told me!  I cried so hard in the nutritionists office.  I feel silly about it now but at the time it was so horrible.  Hated not being able to eat what I want, having to write down everything I ate, and sticking myself 4 times a day.  Also hated going anywhere where eating was involved.  We went to a party and there were brownies there and everyone kept saying "eat the brownies, you're pregnant so it doesn't matter!"  It probably won't help me not get it again (heck, I made sure I didn't eat any carbs the day of my 3 hour glucose test) but if I get used to the idea now, maybe it won't suck so bad when I'm told I have it again.

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I went out for the first time last night since I got pregnant - my sister took me salsa dancing. I've only been like, twice. It was so fun, and I honestly forgot about all of my emotions while I was dancing. Yesterday was also the two-month mark of finding out Devon was gone, so to have dancing to keep my mind off things was awesome.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to start running. I have GOT to get on the Couch to 5K program if I'm gonna run two 5Ks next year.
QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that? I lit candles and spent the 7-8pm hour in what would've been Devon's room [and the room where his ashes are], eating and talking to him. I also wrote a blog post and had some friends light candles in his honor, too, which was neat. My next milestone is tomorrow, which is his two-month angelversary. I think I'll be OK.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? We're one month out from our TTC window opening again, and I feel like I'm ready. At the same time, I'm scared to death that I won't get my rainbow baby ever. I haven't done a lot of counseling since the loss but am seriously considering it since my apprehension about TTC is so high. I want to try again, but if I had to go through this again, I'm not sure how I would make it.

Williamandshawnna

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Yes, Being on vacation in the Adirondacks has really helped us and our healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I still haven't achieved my first goal of losing weight, but right now my main focus is the pain in my leg and both hips. Almost 4 months after our losses and I am still in pain. I see the Dr. again when we return 10/23

QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that?

I "came out" on FB. I usually don't put anything that personal on FB, but I wanted to break the silence and if it helped even one person, on top of raising awareness, then I achieved my goal. Our next big milestone is our due date 11/14. I am taking the day off from work, but not sure what I am doing.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Being out here in the middle of the woods, no cell reception, and sitting in the hot tub every night just staring up at the stars and thinking of our boys has been a nightly ritual for us. Seeing how amazing the stars are with no light pollution up here is breathtaking.

starburst0928

jbranden12:

starburst0928:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Bradley's autopsy results.  I keep having such weird dreams about it.  I can't decide if I want to know something was physically wrong with him that caused his death, or if I want it to come back with no conclusions.  It's reassuring to know that I carried a baby full term, and will hopefully be able to do it again, but its terrifying to think that there could have been something wrong with him that is unavoidable in future babies. 

((hugs)) This is hard. We had no conclusions. Patricia had no chromosomal, congenital, or metabolic abnormalities and everything with me was good. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have an answer, but I will tell you that it gives me comfort to know that since we can't determine what happened to her after her death, there is NO way I or anyone else could have done anything to save her.

 

Thats a good way of looking at it, thanks. At the same time I still blame myself for not realizing he was in distress. I'll get to where you are someday!  

jbranden12

OSUWifey09:

QOTW: Did you do anything special for October 15th? What is your next big milestone and do you have any plans for that? I lit candles and spent the 7-8pm hour in what would've been Devon's room [and the room where his ashes are], eating and talking to him. I also wrote a blog post and had some friends light candles in his honor, too, which was neat. My next milestone is tomorrow, which is his two-month angelversary. I think I'll be OK.

I just read your post, it is really beautiful. I am so happy you have found some joy from your angel! 

jbranden12

Williamandshawnna:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Being out here in the middle of the woods, no cell reception, and sitting in the hot tub every night just staring up at the stars and thinking of our boys has been a nightly ritual for us. Seeing how amazing the stars are with no light pollution up here is breathtaking.

This sounds SO amazing! I am glad your vacation has been helpful. I'm sorry you are still in so much pain! Keep us updated!

jbranden12

starburst0928:

Thats a good way of looking at it, thanks. At the same time I still blame myself for not realizing he was in distress. I'll get to where you are someday!  

Oh believe me, I have my days! When I think if she would've just let us know something was wrong, if we could have gotten her out, she would likely be with us today. This is awful and I know I don't really mean it, but sometimes I find myself hoping I'll go into PTL with this pregnancy so this baby might have a chance