A solid cry (not directly pg related)

AudUy

I feel I spend most of my time on the edge of tears, these days. I am happy to report that I don't burst into tears in inappropriate places. On days when I'm at home I sometimes feel I need something to push me over the edge so I can let the tears flow. I've just spent the last while listening to some favourite music and it finally led me back to the beautiful song I listened to endlessly following our missed miscarriage discovery and during the early d&e recovery period. Oh my goodness. That may have been more of an emotional gut punch than I was anticipating.

Anyone else struggling to keep it together emotionally? 

RamZL

Yes. Struggling to keep it together is an understatement.

I am absolutely, 1000% terrified every second of every day of losing this baby. I am trying so hard to keep from getting stressed, over emotional, etc at the risk of passing any negativity on to the baby.

My husband just told me he wants a divorce (by email no less) and is already telling me what kind of custody he wants of this child, etc. I have a daughter (7yo) from a previous relationship that I have to mother. I am a Spanish Teacher  who has almost 400 students relying on me every day.

Believe it or not, I am THRILLED about this pregnancy and this is a major major RAINBOW at the end of a dark storm. But as I happy as I am, I'm scared to share the news of my pregnancy out of a silly fear of jinxing it and because it will be all the more heart breaking for me if I have another loss that I then have to explain to others.

I am not saying this looking for advice or sympathy. I lurk on this board just to assure myself that there are other women who obsess over checking for blood when they wipe or obsess over what their HCG levels are and to put it all in perspective: there are a ton of happy stories, a ton of heartbreak and who knows what is in store for me. 

So, yeah. I"m struggling emotionally. I hope you have a good support system and that you are not alone and you know what else? Cry and cry and cry...When my daughter goes to her dad's tomorrow, that is about the only thing I have on the agenda, that and sleep. And I can't wait!

AudUy

RamZL:

So, yeah. I"m struggling emotionally. I hope you have a good support system and that you are not alone and you know what else? Cry and cry and cry...When my daughter goes to her dad's tomorrow, that is about the only thing I have on the agenda, that and sleep. And I can't wait!

 

I'm sorry you have so much stress happening in your life. I can totally relate to feeling terrified I'm going to lose the baby and analyzing toilet paper, etc. I know I feel slightly more confident in this pregnancy with each passing day/milestone. I hope that continues and that you experience the same. In the short-term, I hope tomorrow's cry is very cathartic.

I think being pregnant at any point is tough emotionally due to the hormones, but being pregnant after loss just amplifies everything.