So done with BFing

Shmogan09

I am trying... really trying to keep going, but I am just at the end of my rope.  Baby will NOT pay attention at all when his brother is around (which is all the time) and when I keep forcing him on he bites me.  But, if I just let him stop he is hungry again not even half an hour later because he barely ate.  I just keep thinking about how much easier it would be with a bottle because he could turn his head and keep drinking and I would know how much he was getting by the time he finished. 

I feel like I shouldn't stop because it has been so easy this time (after the disaster that was BFing DS1) but I just plain do not want to do it anymore.  He is 8 months old today... I don't know why I am feeling guilty because DS1 turned out so freakin perfect getting formula from 4 weeks old, but for some reason I feel bad stopping.  Stupid society putting guilt in my head!

People who have stopped tell me if you were happy you did or regretted it? 

justadogmommy

I stopped at 6 months due to low supply after going back to work. felt the same as you but she loves her formula just as much and it is better for me!!! my daughter has never been sick and she goes to daycare. we don't vaccinate either. don't feel bad. you did great mama!!

NatesLady1309

Could you feed him in a room without your older son (if he can play in a safe place for long enough) or with a cover so he can't see what's going on? I know that doesn't work for every baby though. 

Shmogan09

NatesLady1309:

Could you feed him in a room without your older son (if he can play in a safe place for long enough) or with a cover so he can't see what's going on? I know that doesn't work for every baby though. 

He won't nurse with a cover and no, 1. I can't leave my 3 year old alone that long without him getting in trouble and 2. I am pretty sure he would resent me and the baby if he had to be left alone every time the baby needed to eat.

lancyjo

I think that only you can know when you're truly ready to quit. If you choose to quit now, be proud of yourself for making it so far! 8 months is an amazing amount of time to have stuck with it! Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

I quit at 4 weeks for personal reasons, and I haven't regretted it at all really. All I felt was "frowned upon" by some people on here, but I just ignored it. My personal well-being was about a thousand times more important than breastfeeding. Formula was the best route for my family, and Aria is growing great and hitting her milestones right on target, usually early. You know from experience that formula fed babies are just fine.

Like I said, do what you feel is best for you and your family... you'll only be getting support from me.

anythingelseplease

I am right there with you. LO has 6 teeth and is biting me constantly, I have had 2 plugged ducts and milk blisters in the last 2 months. She is pulling away and yanking. Breast feeding has become a chore, but I can't seem to bring myself to stop. We have the added bonus that LO doesn't do well with a bottle and won't take a sippy cup so I am even more conflicted. I feel immense pressure to keep going.

ssimon621

If distraction is truly the only issue how about having your older son watch TV or read a book off to one side of the room quietly while you sit at the far end of the room and nurse the baby.  Maybe even with your chair slightly turned away from DS1 where you can turn your head and look to keep an eye on him.

I baby sat my BFF's 3 year old a few times after I had DD and when I needed to nurse I had him sit and eat his lunch, watch Toy Story or play with his Leap Pad and explained that I needed him to be quiet while I fed the baby or put the baby to sleep.  He is quite an active kid who loves jumping off furniture and getting into things and this worked out just fine with him.

DS1 is definitely old enough to understand quiet time and he needs down time so I don't think he will resent you asking him to be calm for about 10 minutes.  Or you can try pumping a couple times a day and feed him bottles during the busy times of day.  During the first morning wake up I'm sure DS1 is probably still in bed or in a calmer mood where he can sit quietly with cartoons or quiet toy.  Also, when DS1 is eating breakfast or lunch, whichever would coincide with DS2's next feeding you can nurse DS2 while DS1 is occupied with his breakfast, lunch, snack or whatever it is.  Then you can give a pumped bottle during the busy time of day.  Nurse before DS2 goes down for the his nap because I'm pretty sure DS1 is usually taking a nap at that same time or you would have him be quiet while you put his brother down regardless if you were nursing or not .  Give pumped milk during the afternoon craze and nurse before going to bed. 

If all else fails.  Give him formula during the day and nurse at night and in the morning that way you can have the best of both worlds.  If milk supply and getting him to nurse when his brother isn't around is not an issue and you actually enjoy your nursing relationship this could be a great alternative.  Especially if you can't find time during the day to pump.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Shawnee11507

Do whatever is best for you and your family. I was also going to ask if you could pump part-time although I know it is no fun. 

I EP and I am counting down the weeks until DS' first birthday! I feel like I can't quit. It takes up 2-2.5hrs a day (4-5x) and my nipples have been hurting a lot for a while and I keep getting a yeast infection. Now that it is cold, my nipples also hurt when I am outside.

I have a question for those that have quit after a few months- how long did it take you to dry up?

Shmogan09

ssimon621:

If distraction is truly the only issue how about having your older son watch TV or read a book off to one side of the room quietly while you sit at the far end of the room and nurse the baby.  Maybe even with your chair slightly turned away from DS1 where you can turn your head and look to keep an eye on him.

I baby sat my BFF's 3 year old a few times after I had DD and when I needed to nurse I had him sit and eat his lunch, watch Toy Story or play with his Leap Pad and explained that I needed him to be quiet while I fed the baby or put the baby to sleep.  He is quite an active kid who loves jumping off furniture and getting into things and this worked out just fine with him.

DS1 is definitely old enough to understand quiet time and he needs down time so I don't think he will resent you asking him to be calm for about 10 minutes.  Or you can try pumping a couple times a day and feed him bottles during the busy times of day.  During the first morning wake up I'm sure DS1 is probably still in bed or in a calmer mood where he can sit quietly with cartoons or quiet toy.  Also, when DS1 is eating breakfast or lunch, whichever would coincide with DS2's next feeding you can nurse DS2 while DS1 is occupied with his breakfast, lunch, snack or whatever it is.  Then you can give a pumped bottle during the busy time of day.  Nurse before DS2 goes down for the his nap because I'm pretty sure DS1 is usually taking a nap at that same time or you would have him be quiet while you put his brother down regardless if you were nursing or not .  Give pumped milk during the afternoon craze and nurse before going to bed. 

If all else fails.  Give him formula during the day and nurse at night and in the morning that way you can have the best of both worlds.  If milk supply and getting him to nurse when his brother isn't around is not an issue and you actually enjoy your nursing relationship this could be a great alternative.  Especially if you can't find time during the day to pump.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I would love you to meet my DS!  He does not do anything quietly, including watch TV or eat lunch.  He does not nap anymore and is awake an hour before the baby.  He does not understand quiet time because we did not enforce that before the baby came. DS2 has pretty much learned how to fall asleep with lot's of noise once he can't keep his eyes open a moment longer.  And even if DS1 is being quiet all DS2 has to do is a hear his voice (loud or not) and he has to look for him.  I read my DH your suggestions and he started cracking up (not in an offensive way at all) just that our DS does not know the term "sit quietly" exists!  I really appreciate your reply, my DS just does not fall into the normal category of a 3 year old who has down time... like ever!

For me personally nursing has not been this beautiful bonding thing.  Probably because DS1 wouldn't do it and I could not possibly feel closer to him.  For me it has always been a means to feeding the baby, nothing more.  I also hate cleaning bottles! Lol 

ETA- as I am typing this I turned around and DS had put his little chair on top of  his little table and is balancing on the chair saying "look at me, I'm in the circus!!"  Yeah...

karleegirl

I say if you're not enjoying it and lo isn't super attached to it than stop. I really enjoy bf dd, but if I didn't I'd stop.
I might would try formula during the day and bf at night and first thing in the am when things might be a little more calm. Either option doesn't change you from being a good mom.

Ya Never Know

I'm still BFing too, but I'm going to try to wean at 9 months because I'm getting sick of it for different reasons. I've been doing great with it up until about a month ago, I got a blocked duct, and since then I've had nothing but pain on my right side, and now that DD has teeth, she can't latch on that side properly (never has) and I'm just up all night in agony because my nipple is being chewed off. She's not actually biting me, just teeth are getting in the way. I just want to make it to 9 months, then I'll be having a huge celebration when it's all said and done!!

NatesLady1309

Shmogan09:

as I am typing this I turned around and DS had put his little chair on top of  his little table and is balancing on the chair saying "look at me, I'm in the circus!!"  Yeah...

 

I love it! Hahahaha. But seriously, you need a hug. That has to be CRAZY that he won't do quiet play. 

88eve88

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to commiserate with you.

Like you, I've never felt BFing to be this great bonding experience with my son. We only had a few slight problems from the start and I've been able to produce enough milk, but I just never grew to really like it.  And I have absolutely never enjoyed NIP, so that's made things a bit difficult.

I regret not regularly giving a bottle to my son as well.  I've tried 7 different bottle brands and he has rejected every single one.  We've moved onto the sippy, but I don't feel he's good enough with it yet for me to start weaning.  I'm just patiently waiting for him to use it like a pro so I can gradually stop BFing.  Every time I think about weaning, I get excited for a minute and then start to feel really guilty about it. You're right ... stupid society indeed!

Congrats to you for making it to 8 months though!  I think that's a great feat in itself! 

If you decide to do it, please post updates because I might just follow in your footsteps ... 

HattieLove

My mom quit BFing my little sister at 8 months because she was too distracted by me (I was 2), and my sister was valedictorian. So I wouldn't worry. BFing for 8 months is definitely not anything to be ashamed of. 

sunnyday016

My DS is a really distracted nurser as well. He just cannot keep his eyes off DD if she is in the room. It's really annoying, so I definitely see where you're coming from. You gotta do what works for you. Your son will be healthy & fine either way

ssimon621

Shmogan09:

ssimon621:

I would love you to meet my DS!  He does not do anything quietly, including watch TV or eat lunch.  He does not nap anymore and is awake an hour before the baby.  He does not understand quiet time because we did not enforce that before the baby came. DS2 has pretty much learned how to fall asleep with lot's of noise once he can't keep his eyes open a moment longer.  And even if DS1 is being quiet all DS2 has to do is a hear his voice (loud or not) and he has to look for him.  I read my DH your suggestions and he started cracking up (not in an offensive way at all) just that our DS does not know the term "sit quietly" exists!  I really appreciate your reply, my DS just does not fall into the normal category of a 3 year old who has down time... like ever!

For me personally nursing has not been this beautiful bonding thing.  Probably because DS1 wouldn't do it and I could not possibly feel closer to him.  For me it has always been a means to feeding the baby, nothing more.  I also hate cleaning bottles! Lol 

ETA- as I am typing this I turned around and DS had put his little chair on top of  his little table and is balancing on the chair saying "look at me, I'm in the circus!!"  Yeah...

 LOL!  Well that sounds like quite a lot going on.  Do what you think is best for your family and your sanity!

 

reikotxm

I was just about to post that I'm officially done after tonight too. DS's bottom teeth are sticking out more and his teeth scraping my areola hurts! I've tried relatching but it's just not working out.

I've gotten milk blisters, he takes forever nursing and i only give him one side and I'm just over it. I've never felt this bonding over it I was just happy I had a good latching baby from when I started and was able to pump. But I'm done breastfeeding, ill still pump and DS takes formula while I'm at work anyway.

NY-allie

Shmogan09:

NatesLady1309:

Could you feed him in a room without your older son (if he can play in a safe place for long enough) or with a cover so he can't see what's going on? I know that doesn't work for every baby though. 

He won't nurse with a cover and no, 1. I can't leave my 3 year old alone that long without him getting in trouble and 2. I am pretty sure he would resent me and the baby if he had to be left alone every time the baby needed to eat.

 

I could have written this.  DS is energetic and loud.  DD is a very distracted eater.  She won't eat with a cover.  Nursing anywhere but her favorite arm chair is next to impossible unless she is starving because she wants to look around.   Forget nursing in public - there is so much for her to watch and if I try the cover she just pulls it off while screaming (great for giving everyone a peep show). 

The only reason I haven't considered weaning is that she hates her bottles more than nursing.  She only takes 2 bottles the entire time I'm at work (~9 hours).  

 We just built DS a playroom in the basement.  I put his baby monitor there so I can watch him.  He can run and scream and not distract DD while I'm nursing.  He has all of his special toys down there (the ones DD can't play with yet due to small parts) and only gets to play there when he's good.  

Good  luck what-ever you decide to do.  Formula isn't evil and 8 months is a good run. 

trw102780

I stopped at 2 weeks!!! I give you major props for hanging in this long )  Your baby is be fine with the bottle and you will be much happier too. Your nipples will thank you!