Nothing seems safe...

Williamandshawnna

This past week I have done a lot of traveling for work, all within 2 hours from my home, so I chose to drive instead of spending a night away from my husband. Just the thought of spending a night away from him right now is scary. Not sure why, but it is. Actually, I know why and I am sure you ladies understand. It just sucks.

The traveling for work sucks, because I was in a different district doing some training where no one really knew I was pregnant or that anything went wrong. Until the DM (he knew because he had been in my district when I was pregnant) for the person I was training showed up and asked, "So how is your family? You are back soon!" THANK YOU LUCK, the phone rang and saved me. When I returned he didn't ask anything further. Later that day, I walked with him to get coffee and explained that we lost our babies. He felt so bad and was so apologetic, he thought I didn't answer the question because I didn't want him I'm my personal business, I told him I didn't answer the question because the phone rang and I didn't want to break down in front of a trainee. I did manage to only slightly tear up as I told him we lost the boys and that was why I was back at work. He kept apologizing, I asked him to stop, it was OK, he did not offend me at all. After all it is not like we sent out a press release to the company.

I then was upset at myself for not crying for my boys. This SUCKS big time how all of this messes with your head

So, back to the point, driving... a lot of driving this week meant my Ipod was used a lot. And why does it seem that even music is no longer a safe area? Every song I hear, I find alternate meanings for, and I do it without knowing. And then the tears come out, not a good thing when you're driving in rush hour traffic.

Side note... even books aren't safe, I pick up a book thinking it will be safe, and turns out, it has death, children, or something that triggers me in it.

 OK, enough of me ranting, thanks for listening.

~HUGS~

-Shawnna

buggirl72

((Shawnna)) I completely understand.  My commute to school can be up to an hour and that is when I find my mind drifting to where it wants and I end up crying.  I am glad that you were able to come home and did not have to spend the night away from your husband. I've had to do that once and sucks is the best word for it. 

Try to be gentle with yourself for not crying when you talked with your DM. I had a completely tear-free conversation with a friend whose wife is 34 weeks and she had suffered a bad fall the day before (everything is okay). I felt like being able to talk with him about Zachary and about how his wife was doing without crying was a positive sign of healing (I, of course, was a blubbering mess the next time I talked with someone about Zachary).

As far as music on your iPod, maybe try to make a positive music mix to listen to.