Mind your business

littlebeansmama

This is what I want to say to at least one person on a daily basis.

I have a couple of SAHM friends and one of them just told me that we could afford for me to stay home if we really wanted to, totally unsolicited. Um...who asked you?

First of all, we actually need two incomes right now. That won't always be the case but right now it is. I cannot stop working at this time.

Second of all, I got a promotion and a hefty raise to come back to work after my maternity leave next year. Yes, we will have two kids in daycare at that point but the amount of money I make still makes it worth it.

Third, I like having extra money for vacations, tumbling classes, music classes, dinners out, treats for the kids, nice birthday parties, etc. I do not want to complain to others about being broke all the time, like my SAHM friends seem to do.

Fourth, I don't think I would be a good SAHM. I love my kids more than life itself but I just don't think I would be good at home with them all day. I like to work and feel like I'm contributing income and benefits (like a retirement plan!) to our household. My company is small, family-oriented, and flexible. When I need or want a day off with my kids, I can take one without issue.

I just want to say, "What impact does it have on you? Is it really so rough that I can't meet you in the middle of the day during the week for a playdate?" Who cares.

MIND YOUR BUSINESS.

chels0120

Amen!! It's no one's business besides you and your DH what you decide to do. And you're probably right, they may enjoy their children more if they didn't stay home with them all the time. On the flip side, if they are dissing you because you aren't a SAHM they aren't doing a very good job of making it sound glamourous

lovebug33

I tell everybody I have to stay at work to afford to make the next baby because we did IVF. That shuts everybody up (it's also the truth!).

meg_2006

I just saw this after reading two internet articles a Facebook friend posted about why moms should stay at home.  Now I will admit I'd rather be a SAHM than a working mom, but finances don't allow it...so I don't need people shoving their opinions in my face right now!  You do what's best for you.

dancingqueen_october08

I'm a huge fan of "live and let live". Do what works for you and your family.

I just hate that there is this stigma around working moms and people obviously feel free to tell a working mom that she "should" be at home, she's doing her children a disservice by working, etc.

I don't go around telling all of my SAHM friends, "Hey, maybe you should put your kids in DC and go back to work if you're so broke." It doesn't matter to me. If SAH works for you, more power to you. Some of us need/want to work and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM.

Everyone just needs to stop judging everyone else's life and focus on their own.

laurakaz13

I tell people that I would rather travel the world with my family and then retire at age 50 and never have to worry about money again.  They are usually speechless as well. 

Actually, I just say, "That wouldn't work for me. I'd be miserable.  Glad it works for you and your family."  (But I do enjoy my twice yearly international vacations and the fact that I will retire at age 50 as well!)

chardonnay24

I SAH for 16 months so all of my mom friends are SAHM. Not ONE of them understands that I went back to work because I wanted to. The extra money is nice, but I genuinely love getting a break and going to work. They all apologized to me when I told them I was going back.

I don't know why most SAHM assume that everyone wants to SAH. So not true.

Brit's Luna154

Like others have mentioned, it is amazing to me that people think it is ok to make comments about working, but nobody would ever critique a SAHMs choice.

A lot of families can "afford" to have one parent stay home, but by affording that they can be missing out on many other opportunities; we rarely bring up those missed opportunities.

Lahardy96

I so agree. I have a "friend" like that in my son's library group (not surprisingly mostly SAHM's) and I get so upset when she talks to me sometimes b/c she constantly makes comments about me working. I love my job, and personally think it's great i go into work late once a week so i can take my kids to story time.  and like you, as much as I love my kids and spending time with them, I don't think I would make a great SAHM. And I truly believe a happy mom makes a better mom. 

Netty_3

Ugh!

I work with people that are my parents age, and on a regular basis get a guilt trip about not being a good mom, and that women working is what's wrong with kids these days...oh, and my favorite...it doesn't matter where you live as long as your son knows you love him.  Well, we prefer it in the best school district, and my son DOES know his mommy loves him! This from a lady that worked the whole time with her two girls!  Can't be bothered with these people.

You keep doing what you need/want to do!

jasminelorraine20

I completely agree! I haven't received any criticism for coming to work everyday, but I feel this way about a lot of the unsolicited comments that I get on a daily basis.

Why do you use glass bottles? Plastic bottles are BPA free, there's no need to use glass ones.

You're going to breastfeed after 6 months??

Why don't you just put rice cereal in his bottle? I started when my kid was 3 months..

And the stupid comments go on and on. Ugh! Mind your business!!

skibunny59

meg_2006:

I just saw this after reading two internet articles a Facebook friend posted about why moms should stay at home.  Now I will admit I'd rather be a SAHM than a working mom, but finances don't allow it...so I don't need people shoving their opinions in my face right now!  You do what's best for you.

This!  I absolutely HATE when people try to tell me how I can afford to be a stay at home mom especially since I really really want to stay home but we just can't swing it financially right now.  People have no idea the financial situation of me and my DH.  It's just so inappropriate of people.

Then I had someone else tell me that if I really wanted to stay home I would find a way to make it work.  I just was so incredibly hurt and offended by that comment.

littlebeansmama

Brit's Luna154:

Like others have mentioned, it is amazing to me that people think it is ok to make comments about working, but nobody would ever critique a SAHMs choice.

A lot of families can "afford" to have one parent stay home, but by affording that they can be missing out on many other opportunities; we rarely bring up those missed opportunities.

This exactly. Technically, we could afford to live on DH's salary alone but we would just barely make it. No extras, we would have to use savings for any car repairs, medical bills, emergencies, that kind of stuff. I don't want to live like that. When my DD wants to go to dance classes or play soccer or take music lessons or whatever she's into, I want to be able to say, "Yes, you can do that". My salary affords us that luxury. When summer rolls around and the kids are out of school, I want DH and I to be able to take them on vacation to the beach or wherever. I want to be able to save money towards my daughter's wedding, both of their college educations, trips to Europe, whatever. I want them to have all the opportunities in the world.

I don't want to be a workaholic and never see my kids just to have these things but in my current position, I make good money and am still home for dinner every night.We don't HAVE to struggle so why should we? Especially when I enjoy working.

I don't hear anyone saying to a SAHM, "Well, maybe you should go back to work and then you can afford to buy the kids' school clothes, or pay for little Billy's guitar lessons, or whatever." If a SAHM complains about being broke, everyone is supposed to commend them for their sacrifice and tell them what wonderful mothers they are to be staying home with their kids, even if they can't afford anything.

I applaud ALL mothers. We all do our best, we all make sacrifices, we all work hard, and most of all, we all love our kids. Whether we choose to stay home or choose to work, it doesn't matter. We are being the best mothers we can be. One choice is not necessarily better than another.

 

 

MAprincess

Brit's Luna154:

Like others have mentioned, it is amazing to me that people think it is ok to make comments about working, but nobody would ever critique a SAHMs choice.

A lot of families can "afford" to have one parent stay home, but by affording that they can be missing out on many other opportunities; we rarely bring up those missed opportunities.

Really?  I used to be a WM and now I am a SAHM.  I assure you, I am critiqued just as much now- if not more, for my choice (wasting my education, losing brain cells, mooching off my husband) the list goes on.  There are annoying people out there who are going to make comments and judge you no matter what you do.  It is annoying.  Can't please them all!

PayolaCrayola

I hear crap all the time cuz I work and my DH is a SAHD. It wasnt our choice but it just works out that I have the better job with awesome benefits. I hate that ppl feel the need to comment on others' lives ESPECIALLY when i didnt ask in the first place. I work with 97% men so they make comments all the time. "oh you have a house husband!" "why cant he work?" and what kills me is most all of their wives SAH but its "different" cuz hes a man.