I don't know why I've been thinking about this a lot lately- maybe because I'm still struggling to accept having a SNC. But I feel like I need to understand why this happened to me when I did everything "right" to have a healthy baby.
I'm a very rationale person. I am spiritual but not religious. I do believe in God (maybe) and have in the past toyed around with the idea that everything happens for a reason vs. we are the masters of our own destiny. I use to believe in Karma and have always thought that I had a guardian "angel" that watched over me. But since having Marley, my beliefs have all gone in the garbage.
Karma? I have spent the last 4 years as a nurse helping infertile people have healthy children. So if Karma exists I should be one of the luckiest people in the world. Guardian angel? Not anymore.?
Friends, family and strangers have all attempted to offer reassurance (probably more to make themselves feel better than to make me feel better). But as an answer to my question of "Why me?" I have received the following responses: (Let me know if they sound familar)
1. It was God's gift to you.
2. Babies choose their parents and Marley was so wise to choose you.
3. Things happen for a reason and this will make you a stronger person.
Here are my problems with these rationales.
1. What if there is no God or what if I don't believe in him/her?
2. So you're saying that babies choose abusive parents too?
3. I had a friend whose 2 young daughters died in a plane crash. She was completely destroyed and almost 10 years later, still struggles. I don't think there is anything positive that can come from losing your child.
See? I can't accept any of these rationales and I would say it even drives me crazy to hear people try to explain why I have a SNC when they have no idea what I'm going through.
So how have you accepted the fact that you have a SNC? Or do you still struggle too? ?
I know this post comes off sounding like I'm very bitter. And I am. I love Marley dearly and love being a mom but this sucks. It REALLY sucks.?