Anyone Else Not Surviving Their Loss Milestone Period Very Well?

philfemgal

I am halfway in between my two loss milestones for each of my twins from my last pregnancy and feel like I am constantly freaking out.  Every twinge, every strange feeling, it all makes my mind go immediately to "I'm in labor."

I was just sitting on the couch doing some work for quite awhile not feeling a thing in the pelvic area.  Then got up, peed, and went to take the garbage out noticed a weird feeling in my thigh, like maybe I sat wrong.  This reminded me of this ongoing pubic pain I had from around 15 weeks to the time of my loss during my last pregnancy.  They never figured out what the pain was, but after my loss said it wasn't a good sign.  Of course I am constantly waiting for that pain to begin this pregnancy.  I feel like if it ever does that will be it, it will all be over, that will be the sign of sure impeding doom.  For a moment I thought the thigh pain might have been the start of that pubic pain.  But really I think it felt pretty different. 

So I went ahead and continued taking out the garbage, and suddenly started getting sharp pain/cramping in the pelvic area.  I feel like I have twinges, light cramping/stretching, possibly intestinal pains a lot, but I haven't felt that kind of cramping/pain much at all.  Of course it immediately freaked me out totally.  My mind just flashed right to, it's a contraction, my cervix is dilating, I'm going into labor again, I'm losing another baby.  I felt the pain for another minute or two as I was dealing with garbage and eventually just left the garbage and went back inside and laid down.  It seemed like almost immediately on going inside and laying down I felt better.  I would almost think it was round ligament pain, but I swear it was more in the middle of my pelvis, not the side.  When I actually was in labor it did not start out that painful and it was pain that came and went in waves/intervals.  Nothing has continued other than what feels like intestinal twinges/pains that are more to the side and higher in my belly since I laid down (it's been at least 20+ minutes or more).  We listened to the baby with the doppler and the heartbeat sounded great. 

By any reasonable standard everything is fine.  But I still feel like I'm totally freaked out.  I don't know how I can possibly do this for 24 more weeks.  We have our a/s on Thursday and just making it until then seems like a super-human feat.  My OB seems to really think once we pass our milestone at 18.5 weeks or at least once I feel the baby move I will feel much better.  I want to believe that, but then I think "but even after 20 weeks/after I feel movement, the baby still won't be viable for so long and even there are still plenty of micropreemies that die even after v-day." 

I just feel like ever since I hit about 14 weeks I am just in a perpetual state of anxiety.  We have friends expecting who are at about 29 weeks and we have a gift that needs to be sent (we made a homemade funny card with some friends this weekend) and I thought to myself yesterday/today "I need to send that immediately, because what if I lose the baby?  I'll be in no state to send a gift or be happy about their baby then.  I'd better do it now."  It's like I'm preparing to lose this baby.

careyalis

I am not to my loss milestone yet, but I am right at the point when we learned she would die. I feel you on just waiting for bad news. I am terrified of my anatomy scan on Wednesday and just know that we are going to get another death sentence. Big hugs!

weddedwife

All of what you're describing sounds familiar to me. I'm still saying "if" and "hopefully" about the baby's birth and potential homecoming and I'm way past my milestone. My loss milestone was miserable, spent it in the hospital thinking I was losing another baby. Even now I'm not confident, I'm not naive anymore and know that stuff happens late in pg, during birth, etc.

I gotta tell you the weeks leading up to my milestone were terrifying. I second guessed every little twinge. I feel slightly less anxious now but the fear never goes away.

Oh...and I bought a baby shower gift for a friend who's shower isn't for another 7 weeks. I just wanted to get it out of the way "in case". She's only 24 weeks and of course I'm thinking "well if something happens I can just send it back". Ugh how awful.

It's just a state of mind now that is our reality. It sucks but hopefully we will be rewarded with a baby at the end of all this anxiety! Big hugs.

philfemgal

Thanks all.  I know this is normal for being pgal.  It just sucks.  I do feel better after a good night's sleep now.  And now only 2 more days til our anatomy scan--one day at a time.

Careyalis--best of luck tomorrow with your a/s!!

jbranden12

((hugs)). I am a long way off, and it's likely the closer I get the more afraid I will be. I think it's only natural. My doc says she'll start weekly scans at 30 weeks since Patricia passed at 31 weeks, but it only takes a second for this LO's heart to stop, so I don't know how much comfort it will be.

I do notice that I am much more aware of every twinge this time, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's normal to feel random stretching and cramping when you're pregnant. Sometimes I lurk on the BMBs to see what "normal" moms are complaining about, because often it's similar. Maybe that would help you?

careyalis

philfemgal:

Thanks all.  I know this is normal for being pgal.  It just sucks.  I do feel better after a good night's sleep now.  And now only 2 more days til our anatomy scan--one day at a time.

Careyalis--best of luck tomorrow with your a/s!!

Thanks girl!