xp: do you feel weird about this?

pb&fluff

I feel like I should ask PgAL girls this, too.

Now that we have a name (and we've announced to our parents/my sisters), do/did you feel weird referring to your inside baby by their chosen name?  Maybe because sometimes I still feel like he's not going to be an outside baby (PgAL will get you every time), but it just feels weird to refer to baby boy as Parker.  Today I asked him to bring a load of clothes (hand me downs from my sister) to the baby's room, and he goes, "To Parker's room???"  And then today when my sister and the kids were over, she'd say his name all the time.  It just made me feel like...I don't know.  Maybe it's more real now that he has a name?  Or more scary??

[Deleted User]

Yes and no. It doesn't weird me out when I use it or DH uses it, but for some reason when someone else uses her name (like my mom who does it CONSTANTLY) it annoys the crap out of me...I think I have problems, lol.

MrsRiceARoni

I personally prefer referring to her by name. It helps me feel more connected to her which is important to me because I've had some problems attatching to her after my late loss. I also like to refer to Noah by name when I talk about my loss. Inside or out, with us or gone they are still my children and I want to talk to/about them like they are.

edinger3

Initially, it took a while to get used to it, but saying Trevor's name just grew on me. I still go back forth btwn Trevor and The Baby.

pb&fluff

MrsRiceARoni:

I personally prefer referring to her by name. It helps me feel more connected to her which is important to me because I've had some problems attatching to her after my late loss. I also like to refer to Noah by name when I talk about my loss. Inside or out, with us or gone they are still my children and I want to talk to/about them like they are.

For the most part I refer to Addison by her name (our first loss), but then again, sometimes it makes it hurt more.  I feel like maybe I'm afraid of connecting to him because of the possibility of loss?  I mean, we're past our loss milestone, baby is healthy, we're into the viability range...why is this so hard?

SandiaPinaMama

We lost Pumpkin at 7 weeks, and I still refer to that baby as Pumpkin.  It really hurts me that sometimes FIL calls DS Pumpkin.  I don't tell him, even though everyone knew that was what we called the baby, because I don't think he means it the way I take it. 

With DS, DH and I picked his name, tentatively, around 20 weeks.  We told no one his name, and we did not ever use it for him until he was about an hour old.  Then we were like, so that's his name, right?  Okay....  Middle name wasn't finalized for a few more days.  And all of that was before I was PGAL. 

With this pg, I can't think beyond my u/s in two weeks.  

Fuzzy21

Interesting thought.  We were Team Green with DS1, so we never called him by his actual name, but by a nickname that was gender neutral.  This time around, we're thinking about finding out and it will be hard not to call LO by the name. I don't think we'll have a girl name picked out, but we do have a boy name. I think we'll keep the name secret, but I assume DH or I will start using it when it's just the two of us. I don't want anyone else to know because until the baby is here, I'm too scared to make it that real and for others to start using the name

orangegoggles

I do feel kind of weird about it as well. Maybe because this is my fourth pregnancy but the only one where we got far enough to start choosing names, it doesn't really seem real, kwim? We have one name that we are 95% sure of using and my husband and MIL use it all the time and it kind of freaks me out. We haven't told anyone else the name yet and I'm not really sure how MIL knows but its a little scary. I sometimes use his name but I definitely don't feel comfortable when others do if that makes sense?

Oh and the monogrammed stuff is like a deal breaker for me. Ugh..I wanted to order a pbk stocking so it matches my husbands and mine with his name and I can't bring myself to do it.

Junebug060609

I could never refer to my son by name until he was here. Tried a few times, but just couldn't. I don't know why logically, he'd still have been D regardless, but something about saying the name made it more real...and the prospect of losing someone real was incredibly scary.

s.alarie

pb&fluff:

MrsRiceARoni:

I personally prefer referring to her by name. It helps me feel more connected to her which is important to me because I've had some problems attatching to her after my late loss. I also like to refer to Noah by name when I talk about my loss. Inside or out, with us or gone they are still my children and I want to talk to/about them like they are.

For the most part I refer to Addison by her name (our first loss), but then again, sometimes it makes it hurt more.  I feel like maybe I'm afraid of connecting to him because of the possibility of loss?  I mean, we're past our loss milestone, baby is healthy, we're into the viability range...why is this so hard?

I totally agree. It is a personal preference, but I relate to being afraid of getting too attached. In reality, I don't think there is a way to NOT get attached to your baby. Maybe it's like a defense mechanism of sorts. We haven't told family yet... another way of keeping "safe"--but WTH is "safe" anyway? 

CookieSam

Junebug060609:

something about saying the name made it more real...and the prospect of losing someone real was incredibly scary.

I agree completely! My husband & I have a name we''re 90% sure on, but I think I'm scared to actually settle on a name because of the fact that it would make it so much more "real". Just the fact that we're pretty sure that is the name we're going to use makes it difficult to even say aloud.

I miscarried last oct. @ 11wks- and even now at 21 wks I'm still nervous & having some issues connecting to this baby as much as I was to our 1st pg. I think its only natural to try to keep your "guard up" after suffering through a loss, even though it wouldn't hurt any less, its just a defense mechanism. 

pb&fluff

watermelon mom:

We lost Pumpkin at 7 weeks, and I still refer to that baby as Pumpkin.  It really hurts me that sometimes FIL calls DS Pumpkin.  I don't tell him, even though everyone knew that was what we called the baby, because I don't think he means it the way I take it. 

With DS, DH and I picked his name, tentatively, around 20 weeks.  We told no one his name, and we did not ever use it for him until he was about an hour old.  Then we were like, so that's his name, right?  Okay....  Middle name wasn't finalized for a few more days.  And all of that was before I was PGAL. 

With this pg, I can't think beyond my u/s in two weeks.  

((hugs)) I hope everything goes well at your u/s.

nuttycoconut

No I don't feel weird about it. I prefer using their names and bonding with them.

 What I do feel weird about is that we named our baby girl and use her name all the time but I can't commit to a baby boy name. It's driving DH crazy!  And I feel so badly about it. I hope it isn't bad luck  

amidkiff

MrsNorry:

Yes and no. It doesn't weird me out when I use it or DH uses it, but for some reason when someone else uses her name like my mom who does it CONSTANTLY it annoys the crap out of me...I think I have problems, lol.

I feel like this too. My parents using her name doesn't bother me do much, but a friend of mine knows the name, not everyone does, and she had this awful nickname for her. And I hate it! My mom also had a nickname for get I hate...

pb&fluff

pangnl79:

I do feel kind of weird about it as well. Maybe because this is my fourth pregnancy but the only one where we got far enough to start choosing names, it doesn't really seem real, kwim? We have one name that we are 95% sure of using and my husband and MIL use it all the time and it kind of freaks me out. We haven't told anyone else the name yet and I'm not really sure how MIL knows but its a little scary. I sometimes use his name but I definitely don't feel comfortable when others do if that makes sense?

Oh and the monogrammed stuff is like a deal breaker for me. Ugh..I wanted to order a pbk stocking so it matches my husbands and mine with his name and I can't bring myself to do it.

It does make sense.  Puts more pressure on you to deliver (literally and figuratively!).

pb&fluff

Jessiebug81:

I'm so glad you posted this! We don't have names yet but it was really hard for me to make the transition to saying "the girls" versus "the babies" or just hinting at what's going on. I think it's going to be strange for me too.

Btw, I love the name you chose!!

Thanks! 

Mom2anAngel2

At first I thought it was wierd, but now I feel that it helps me to stay positive about my pregnancy.  I prefer to call him by his name than to say "the baby" all of the time.  I totally understand the PgAL aspect of it, and I was there as well.  The more we use his name, the better it is for me.

shanaynerz

Everyone's different, but I've actually liked referring to her by name. It's definitely made me bond with her way more, and I think it's done this for DH and my parents, too. It's hard b/c I still worry she won't be a take home baby, which is ridiculous logically (the odds are in my favour at this point), so I get scared about the bonding, but it has also been good for me. It can be a bit overwhelming and scary, but maybe it will get easier in time for you. 

The name thing doesn't bug me, but having to make conversation with strangers about my future child is really freaking annoying. I never knew before my loss, but the absolute worst question to be asked is "is this your first?" Ugh! 

philfemgal

We have our a/s on Thursday and so will most likely find out the sex (so long as baby is cooperative).  We already have a girl's name picked and have a good sense of a boy's name.  We went into this pregnancy feeling like we wanted to choose a name early on (as soon as we found out the sex at around this point in the pregnancy) just in case something went wrong and we needed a name for a baby who we wouldn't be taking home.

This is mostly because last time around we had a name in mind, but even a few days before I went into labor I was insisting we not call the baby by that name (Alice) because if anything went wrong I wanted to save that name for a future baby that made it.  (We had been planning the name Alice for years and years, way before we were anywhere near ready to have kids and I was so attached to that name.)  Once I actually delivered and held the baby and a few days past I just felt this overwhelming sense that she was Alice--that I just knew she had to be named that, that I was fooling myself thinking I could ever think of another baby as Alice.  So we that in mind, this time around I want to make sure that we have a name picked out so we are not trying to pick a name while trying to grieve.

Of course, I really, really, really hope baby will stick around inside me for another 24 weeks and will come home alive with the name.  So there is also the help with bonding we have in mind too.

That said, while we will definitely give the baby an official name as of the end of this week, I'm not positive we will routinely use it.  We've been doing a nickname so far and I could see us possibly sticking with that for day to day talking about the baby.  But I need to know that s/he has a real name too.

Shayliz

jessuhmarie:

It isn't weird for me. It helps me connect a lot. I had a big wall up and knowing she is a she and my little Jill has torn it down. I guess it makes her feel more tangible to me. Idk if that's weird or not, but it feels like I will actually have a baby in a few months.

This is me as well.. being able to give her a name and refer to her as Allison made her seem real and not just this mythical thing I've had for short times before.