Anybody else planning to never come out on FB?

ct103

I guess it all depends on how much you use FB. I don't use it much at all. I tend to just look at people's vacation photos, but that's it. Last night DH and I made the decision that we won't come out with this pregnancy on FB at all. We will probably make one simple birth announcement with a photo of the baby, then that's it. We have two reasons; we really don't want our private life to be public, and I just can't stand the thought that I could be hurting someone.

Let me make this clear; I do not judge people who do come out on FB and update about their pregnancies. If that's how you primarily keep in touch with people, good. It's just not our thing.

I'm posting this here to see if any of you have made this decision as well. The coulple people I have told IRL don't get it.

Mmm79

I'm not planning to make any sort of announcement.  It may become obvious at some point in pictures and if others mention it, though.  Right now anyone we've told is under a strict Facebook embargo.

jbranden12

We don't plan on announcing, but I don't plan to hide it. I'm not going to delete other people's photos or comments, so people may figure it out. I rarely post on FB though. With Patricia we posted an announcement at about 15 weeks and didn't post again until her passing.

GraceInCA

I don't use FB a ton but DH does. I don't plan on announcing, maybe just posting a birth announcement with a photo. I don't have a million facebook friends either though, it's mostly family, friends, and current & past co-workers, so I'm sure most everyone will know by the time the baby is due, with maybe the exception of people like former classmates with whom I don't have any more in-person contact.

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Outdoorlovinmama4

I did, but not until I was at 30 weeks and had our ultrasound photo to share. I also only have very close friends and family on my facebook (145 "friends" total - DH has a large family). The only reason why I did it is because my family and DH's family are spread out a bit, but we still like to keep in touch with our aunts/uncles and cousins, so Facebook is the best way to do it. Our parent's aren't always the best at relaying the info to all our aunts and uncles, and our aunts & uncles can be even worse at relaying the info to our cousins. When I went to my cousins wedding a few weeks ago, I was getting a few odd looks. Turns out, my cousins from Texas and one of my aunts didn't even know we were expecting yet. It made for a bit of an awkward conversation until I realized they didn't know and were afraid to say anything or ask if I was.

melly918

Yeah, I haven't for the same reasons you said.  I have dropped lines on other people's posts so some know and others don't. I don't care.  I will do a birth announcement when she arrives. That's it.

MrsRiceARoni

I actually deleted my account last November because I was hurt by how insensitive some of my family was involving my loss and subsequent IF issues. I have no idea if my family has outed me on their pages, but my guess is that they have. Oh well.

orangegoggles

I haven't (and won't) because I don't have facebook :::gasp:::

 

CoachAP

We will not be.  If i have it my way, my child will not be on Facebook in any way until they are old enough to have one!

Basically - the "friends" that matter will all hear in person, and for those that I'm not that close with i really don't care about them knowing.  We're having a baby, not a party and there is no reason for people to know just for "gossip" reasons. 

ct103

I am so sorry, that's really unfair.

ct103

ct103:

I am so sorry, that's really unfair.

Ooops, meant to quote Mrs. RiceaRoni

monica92603

I came out only to announce the birth of both kids. I never talked about my 2 successful pgs online.

Auki13

I decided not to announce this pg on facebook, but I am active on it and have had others post pictures of me, so some people know and others don't.  I don't mind people knowing at this point, and we shared all our other pregnancies online (including Annabelle's before and after we knew she wasn't going to survive), but I feel like people became sort of judgy when we decided to carry Annabelle to term and to be honest, I don't want people's opinions about this pregnancy.    

tbone_bride

I didn't announce on FB either. But I did post a pic of DD and I on her Birthday and my bump was kind of obvious. So that's how a lot of people found out. I was 26 weeks at that point. I feel the same as PP, I am much less active on FB since my loss. I know a few friends are struggling with IF and adoption, so I try to be sensitive.

IEtoLA

We've made it this far without announcing or any bigs nations of it. Like one of the pp's, I just became a little more private about my life after my MCs and also felt that if we are that close, you would know by the time I delivered. Many are in for a shocker! Haha!! We only told our parents and siblings early on and didn't even come out to the rest of our close family and friends until 16wks. There has a been a few comments within other people's posts but nothing major. When baby is born, DH might post an announcement but it won't include names, just more along the lines of "and baby makes four" and a quick pic.

littlepenguin2012

I never put any information about my last pregnancy or baby up on Facebook, and I don't plan to this time.  I am in a field where facebook is really more of a networking tool and I don't use it for personal stuff too much. I haven't posted at all since Lucian was in the NICU and I rarely check unless someone messages me.  I deleted anyone who wasn't a professional contact or close family before my first pregnancy anyway.  I really would like to just delete my page, but I don't want to miss out on the networking and I do have some colleagues that I like to keep up with. 

Mom2anAngel2

Me!!!  I never came out with my last pg, and have not with this one.  I think our first post will be about LO's birth.  I have actually not posted anything on FB since I delivered our son last November.  I just do not feel ready.  I promised myself that I would put a message up at the 1 year post loss mark.  I have been planning my post for a long time.  I think that will be my break from my self imposed FB silence. 

Gregermis

I'm guessing I'll be outed once extended family knows.  DH has a lot of cousins on FB and it'll come up.  But I'm pretty sure I won't do an official post.  I certainly won't put up updates on pg.  We'll probably do a birth announcement there, though.

nanabanana06

I live on FB. I had a whole plan to do a cute photo announcement on FB. When the time got around to it I just never did it. I've never made any comment about being pregnant or nothing. My MIL actually asked me why I haven't the other day since SIL just announced her pregnancy (at 8 weeks). I just told her that I just don't care to. People will know once we have the baby. Plus pregnancy and FB don't mix in my mind. Too many people whoring it up and doing tacky things. I just don't want it, I don't want to deal with it.

hopeful16

I use Facebook frequently, but will absolutely not announce or discuss my pregnancy on Facebook. It's been a tough three years seeing other people post about their pregnancies and I would never want to hurt someone who is silently struggling. Fact: no one cares about your pregnancy or children as much as you. 

panacea05

I didn't think I would at first, but DH and I talked it over, and I realized I had to. My big belly and I are bound to be tagged in a photo sooner or later, and I'd rather somebody be subjected to a quick, tactful announcement than being slapped in the face by a photo like that. Ever see a pregnant belly you weren't expecting to see? That hurts ten times more than reading a status that says, "We're expecting a baby on such-and-such day!" 

Also, DH and I have been very open about our struggles, and I hoped people would keep that in mind when reading my FB announcement. Before this pregnancy, I was genuinely happy for my fellow miscarriage survivors when they announced on Facebook. Did it sting? Sometimes. But I was glad they were able to celebrate and be celebrated. Any pain I felt was short lived. 

Lastly, after the hell DH and I have been through, we deserve to have a million "Congratulations!" comments on our FB statuses and walls. Period.    

All that said, I do often wonder if I hurt anybody when I did my announcement. This whole thing is so hard, and it's not fair that we even have to think about it. 

panacea05

hopeful16:

I use Facebook frequently, but will absolutely not announce or discuss my pregnancy on Facebook. It's been a tough three years seeing other people post about their pregnancies and I would never want to hurt someone who is silently struggling. Fact: no one cares about your pregnancy or children as much as you. 

But there are people who DO want to celebrate you!

hopeful16

panacea05:

hopeful16:

I use Facebook frequently, but will absolutely not announce or discuss my pregnancy on Facebook. It's been a tough three years seeing other people post about their pregnancies and I would never want to hurt someone who is silently struggling. Fact: no one cares about your pregnancy or children as much as you. 

But there are people who DO want to celebrate you!

they can celebrate! of course! just not on my Facebook wall haha 

Regne

Maybe I'll post something as I'm going into labor 

Otherwise, I'm not a huge fan of announcing on FB. Everyone I want to announce to I did so in person or by phone (call or text).

ReeceFamily

I was originally not going to post at all for the very reasons you state.  But then I posted a few photos in which I didn't think I was showing, but people commented "are you pregnant" (which is kinda ballsy).  So in the end, at 23 weeks after all of our tests, etc., we did do one posting just saying we were excited and grateful to be expecting a baby girl in January.  We got so many warm messages in return, and I don't regret it at all.

Anyone who hasn't lost a pregnancy will NOT understand your decision, I'm sure.  I really respect it, though. 

KMac570

Mmm79:

I'm not planning to make any sort of announcement.  It may become obvious at some point in pictures and if others mention it, though.  Right now anyone we've told is under a strict Facebook embargo.

we are the same, for the reasons others have stated and also, because if my SCH.  I caved and told my parents this week, and immediately imposed a Facebook ban.  I actually disabled my wall so posts can't be made.   

pnutg

I asked my DH when he felt comfortable telling people as long as its after 12 wks! And he said "the end of may." With a straight face. Im due may 28th. So I dont think we will be announcing anything on fb till the babys born.

jantyme

I didn't really. I posted a picture my husband took of the two of us a few weeks ago (36weeks) and of course people figured it out but prior to that I ahdn't posted anything.

Jordan1234

I didn't come out on fb last time and I don't plan to this time.  

philfemgal

I am torn about it.  We did not announce our last pregnancy on facebook so many extended friends, colleagues in my field who I know from grad school who have moved on to universities at different places in the country, friends I still keep in touch with from college or high school but am not super close to anymore, etc. didn't know I was pregnant.  Many of them I go more than 6 months at a time without talking to, emailing, or seeing in person so it seems facebook is often how I hear about engagements, promotions, graduations, babies, etc. on their end so I feel similarly that they would probably like to know about those things on my end.

Anyway, we didn't announce so people didn't know.  And then we lost both babies, and after the 2nd loss especially I just felt like how could I have lost a baby--a baby that I held in my arms, that I named--and have so many people not even know that I was pregnant.  So though we never announced our pregnancy on facebook, we did announce our losses a little more than a month after I delivered.

So it's sort of weighing on me that if I lost this baby going forward wouldn't I also want to announce that?  And if so, what is the point of not announcing that I am pregnant?  (Again, we have told even fewer people that I am pregnant this time.) 

In terms of trying not to hurt others, I guess from my own perspective I don't see how posting about the birth of a baby/pictures of a newborn is any less hurtful than posting about pregnancy.  At least, for me, it was much, much harder after our loss to see newborn babies, especially those who are about the age that Alice should be.  Since I absolutely do plan to post pictures if this baby does come home from me even though I know it could hurt someone who has gone through what I've gone through, I don't see a strong reason not to announce the pregnancy.  (Of course, our announcement would probably be something like "We are really hoping to get to take this baby home with us" not like "woo hoo I'm 2 days pregnant and of course we're getting this baby, yay!")

big_noise

I can't even bring myself to tell people IRL who don't already know. No fb announcement for me. I use it daily but have posted many less details about my life since my losses. I'm just different. Plus, I never really announced with DD. I changed my profile pic at about 7 months in and made a few posts about being pregnant after that but nothing about being overdue, etc. I did announce her birth. I have a number of friends who have never announced, even ones who have not had losses. Fine with me!

weddedwife

We have not announced on fb. Originally thought we'd just post a birth announcement and now are thinking of not even doing that. Our loss kind of killed fb for me. I've got issues with a lot of our "friends" who haven't supported us since our loss and I kind of feel like why should I share this pg w them if they were not willing to share the burden of our loss? Now that I've been without fb for so long I don't think I need it. I don't like the idea of my children's lives being online anyway.

centralperk

I don't think I will really post anything on FB until either the very end or once the baby is born. I use FB the same way as you do.

MWoodside

I probably won't.  With DD I posted a single pic in 3rd tri.  That was it.  This time, not sure.

Ana0927

I do not plan on annoucing anything on FB. I never announce a thing on my status anyway.  I figured the people that need to know I am pg know I am pg. 

Albah

I am still on the fence about posting anything on FB. But if I were to do it, it won't be for a while, probably until after our A/S. I had formulated an idea in my mind on a picture celebrating our boys, our pregnancy, as well as a memory to our 2 losses. But most definitely, I will not be posting any kind of updates or milestones to avoid hurting anyone who is suffering in secret. 

astarisborn

Mmm79:

I'm not planning to make any sort of announcement.  It may become obvious at some point in pictures and if others mention it, though.  Right now anyone we've told is under a strict Facebook embargo.

This.  I have told everyone that we are not making this a complete "public" announcement (aka Facebook).  I would rather just the friends and family I have talked with personally know that we are expecting.  I think that my loss has just made me more cautious.