Warning: baby loss related. Need advice.

LeanneOfHonour

Title. Warning: baby loss related. Need advice.

I was just speaking with my landlady and she told me that she just experienced a loss. She found out she was pregnant at 6 weeks and just past 8 weeks 2 weeks before her schedule ultrasound, which had been delayed for whatever reason, she had intense cramping. An ambulance took her to the hospital where she had emergency surgery for her baby growing in her tube, and major internal bleeding. She is back home now, this all happened on Sunday. She can't leave her house for 6 weeks now, and has her quite elderly mum helping for this period of time.

My question is, how do I approach the situation, and what can I do to help her? I was thinking of bringing her some meals and baked goods to make her days a little easier. The thing is I am a pretty awful cook to be honest and I'm not sure if it would be appreciated... Any fail proof recipes to try? She is East Indian, and eats traditionally, but I don't think she is opposed to more American foods. I don't know her or her family all that well, but she is very open as she talked to me about wht just happened.

I felt awful, my heart breaks for her. He has a 5 year old wonderful little boy, but wants a bigger family still. As she was talking to me I was holding my little girl, I wouldn't have been if I knew what she was about to talk about!

Any advice is welcome, I have no idea how to help or if I can or what I can say or anything. My heart is absolutely broken. Holding my little one a little tighter as I write this...

klmcguire

I would not have been able to handle that conversation.... My hormones arent quite back up to speed yet!

You can make her some lasagna, I am not a great cook and I don't mess it up! Its also easy to freeze and reheat.

I am sorry you had to be her comfort in this, but it was wonderful of you to listen and are trying to help with what you can!

Msbean22

My mother had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 12 (her tubes had been tied, though.) Meals are definitely a help, and if you can't cook so well, then maybe go for a roasted chicken from the grocery deli if she isn't vegetarian, or maybe a fruit basket? 

Gosh, this makes me so sad to think about. Things like this can cause damage to the degree that she may not be able to have anymore children  

byrne15

Maybe make spaghetti and sauce... you can google a recipe for sauce and meatballs.

I'd just bring her some food and tell her if she ever wants to talk that you are there for her.  And just leave it at that.

When I had 2 m/c I just wanted to move on and forget about them (I know that sounds horrible).  Thinking/Talking about it only made it worse.

jessalynn521

Every person is going to respond differently. When I had my loss I was very open with people about it and didn't mind talking about it but didn't want to dwell on it either. Bringing her food is a kind gesture. Aside from that let her lead how she wants to. Of course let her know you are there if she wants to talk, but it may be hard for her with your young baby. Just make yourself available, and check in to make sure she is doing well every so often with a text or e-mail to let her know you are thinking of her in this very difficult time.

adoxyinherear

I think just by being a good, kind listener you've done a great thing. Maybe you could bring her a baked macaroni and cheese?

LissaLynn0682

I can relate...

One of the girls that I grew up across the street from was pregnant the same time I was.  We were both expecting girls within about a week of each other.  Although we don't stay in touch anymore our parents still live across from each other and are good friends.

She had a healthy pregnancy and delivered her daughter about 2 weeks after mine.  Unfortunately, due to some hospital negligence, there were complications and she was born without brain function.  She died two weeks later.

It was extremely difficult because I am at my parents' home every day for a visit (we only live 3 blocks away).  I was feeling terrible because of how guilty I felt everytime they would see me with my baby.  The best thing ended up being having a conversation and telling them how I really hoped that seeing my baby didn't make them upset.  We had a great talk and I told them to please let me know what would make it easiest on them.  It turned out, that after they starting coping with their own hurt and anger....seeing my DD has been a bit therapeutic for them.

Everyone copes differently.  If you are close with the woman who lost her baby, ask her if there is anything that you can do to help her....or if she would prefer you kept some distance at this time.  The biggest thing is just to be a great listener