Chit Chat

MM & Insurance: Living w/o my spouse

CommieBasterdCommieBasterd member
edited December 2020 in Chit Chat

I finally have a question to ask! 


I feel pretty strongly that I will be a single person for most of my elderly years. Dh is a smoker, has some unrelated organ damage, and has other risk factors that he isn't willing to control at this point and hasn't been willing to for years (more than 10). He also has depression and destructive behavior issues. He has been fine for a while now and I know I can hope that one day he'll turn it all around, but I don't want to bet on that hope. The reasonable expectation is that these things will resurface and in the end result in needing extra care for while, possibly not working for a long while, and probably an earlier death.

How do I protect myself and my kids from these sort of declines financially? He has an elevated risk of getting cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and hurting himself. Is it just a matter of getting a bunch of life insurance on him? Cancer insurance? Stuffing my mattress?

Are there any sort of larger financial moves we should try to avoid like not getting an equity loan or not going back to school? (we both have BAs). We do own a house now but might buy a bigger one in a year or two that would be a 30 year mortgage again (I'm 30 now). I just have little faith that we'll be OK into our 60s or 70s financially unless we set ourselves up for it well early on. 

I'm setting aside 15% for retirement right now.  


ETA: I'm also not uncertain that we could end up divorced later in life, just with his destructive behavior issues. He nearly cheated on me last time at the height of his mental issues, and I'm not sure what he'd do if this came around again.

Re: MM & Insurance: Living w/o my spouse

  • What does your life insurance policy look like? My suggestion would be to get with your financial advisor and see what you can do to plan for that day. We both have nice sized life insurance policies that would compensate for lost income. Also, don't forget - you can still take your H's pension/retirement from his job, and SS survivor's benefit. (My mom actually collects both from my stepfather's death). It's not a lot of money, but she manages to get by just fine since she doesn't have a ton of extra expenses.
    image "There's a very simple test to see if something is racist. Just go to a heavily populated black area, and do the thing that you think isn't racist, and see if you live through it." ~ Reeve on the Clearly Racist Re-Nig Bumper Sticker and its Creator.
  • Can you take from your spouse's 401K or 403B or IRA? He doesn't have a lot in them right now but we are getting ready to open an IRA for him. 

    We are of the mind that his life insurance will not be that great because of all his risk factors but maybe since he has youth on his side it wont be so bad? He is my age. 

    I'm mostly concerned about that idea of people going bankrupt when they get a cancer diagnosis in the family. It's not him being dead that worries me as much as having to pay a lot for a lot of care for 20+ years. 

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  • A few things.

    yes to the life insurance but with his situation it will probably be expensive and make sure that it would pay out in the circumstances most likely to happen in your mind. (What are the chances that he does something that is perceived as suicide, etc.)

    how much do you have paid off on your house and what are you reasons for moving. Personally I'd make a paid off house a priority but that's what I'm comfortable with. The mental security of knowing that we'd have a roof over our heads no matter what is big to me.

    i would say no student loans are a good idea.

    make an e-fund a priority so if something happens you have liquid cash as insurance can take time to pay out.

    Keep up your retirement as well.


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