I literally want to kill him... — The Bump
2nd Trimester

I literally want to kill him...

Let me preface by saying my DH is the greatest guy in the world. We have been under so much pressure lately because we are attempting to close on our first home, both trying to graduate college in Dec. and had an unexpected (but still wanted) pregnancy. I also have been unable to work because I am in a M-F 40 hr. a week internship along with another class.

Now to the nitty gritty. My DH and I have been together for 8 years and we don't really argue, laugh alot, and generally enjoy eachother's company. He does very nice things for me, for example, cleaned my car top to bottom inside and out followed by a delicious home-cooked meal. After ALLLLL that he does for me, I still look at him and want to pounce. Just the sight of him makes me so mad I can't stand it. I know I'm being ridiculous but I just can't stop :( Any advice? ANyone else go through similar things?

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Re: I literally want to kill him...

  • Yes with my first I was just like you - in that sense, lol. I was excited to be pregnant but at the same time hated him for doing this to my body. I was not worried about anything at all. I think it was just reality sinking in like this is really happening. I still kinda give him dirty looks sometimes for doing this, lol. I know it takes two to make a baby but.... I have learned to thank him for everything on a daily basis, lol. Thank you for giving me two - gonna be 3 beautiful children, thank you for going to the store at unreasonable times to get me something I'm craving, thank you for giving me a chance at being a mother, thank you for trusting me so much you believe I'm capable of delivering, raising and caring for our kids, thank you for believing I am the best teacher for the kids (he doesn't believe in child care - I am the childcare, the teacher, the chaffur, the cook......) I also learned there is no point in being resentful because it's just as much my fault too.
  • I absolutely adore my husband, too. We've also been together 8 years! He travels a good amount, though, and it really works for us :)  Both of my pregnancies were planned so I'd be pregnant during his travel season since my hormones and I do best with space :) That also meant I 'd deliver in time for his slow season and he'd have 3 months with our newborn before his travel picked up again.  I'm not typically a mood swingy person, but after my last pregnancy I vowed to never underestimate the power of estrogen again.  Sounds like you guys are really busy & have some pretty big things going on in addition to the pregnancy, so stress is inevitable.  Hormones can definitely amplify that, too.  You may be due for a weekend away, or if you're a home body send DH out for a guys weekend. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder!
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  • I felt this way a lot during the first tri -- mostly weeks 6-10 when I felt the worst.  Actually, it wasn't necessarily that I wanted to kill him as much as I just wanted to be left alone and every little thing bugged me.  My DH said that his new moneymaker idea was invent a dorm / hotel where all pregnant women go for the first 13 weeks.  hahahaha . I told him it existed, and it was called The Four Seasons, and I'd be happy to go any time. ;-)

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  • Lol. First off, this is the best post I've ever read.
    Second, I totally feel you. My DH is very amazing as well, but since being pg I still occasionally look at him and get the urge to knock his teeth out for absolutely no fathomable reason. One I even told him to leave the room because I really wanted to kick him so bad. I feel guilty lol but he understands it really has nothing to do with him.
  • This post is perfect timing. I actually told my husband today that for some reason I just want to physically hurt him...lol. I find myself getting really pissed really quickly over very little things. I am glad to hear I am not the only hormonal crazy pregnant person out there! ! 
    TTC: August 2011 Me: 28-PCOS DH: 32-Perfect IUI #1: August 3, 2012- .5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger. 2 good folli's, DH had good numbers-BFN. IUI #2: September 4, 2012-.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger. BFP!!! Beta 1: 152 (15 DPO) Beta 2: 380 (17 DPO) Beta 3: 1,743 (21 DPO) 1st U/S 7 weeks-10/9/12: 127 bpm!! 2nd U/S 9 weeks-10/23/12: Released to OB 170 bpm! 3rd U/S 16 weeks-12/11/12: It's a BOY!! 152 bpm! Due May 28, 2013 BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • image JSS1002:

    I felt this way a lot during the first tri -- mostly weeks 6-10 when I felt the worst.  Actually, it wasn't necessarily that I wanted to kill him as much as I just wanted to be left alone and every little thing bugged me.  My DH said that his new moneymaker idea was invent a dorm / hotel where all pregnant women go for the first 13 weeks.  hahahaha . I told him it existed, and it was called The Four Seasons, and I'd be happy to go any time. ;-)

    Hi larious! And Op- you're not alone. There are some days Dh just can't do anything right and I blow up over every stupid detail. I really try to check myself bc I do not like myself either on those days! 

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  • I think it's normal to be annoyed in general.  Probably the hormones.  I find myself having days where things don't really bother me and then the next day things will drive me INSANE!  You have a good guy - be grateful :)
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  • I understand that feeling...you are not alone. You are, however, VERY blessed. My husband is a full time soldier and very strong man. One would think, with this being his first child, he would be excited...but he isn't. Your man cooks for you? I cook in our house...not because he can't, but because it is expected of me. Your man does stuff for you, like clean your car? Mine asks me to clean his for him, and clean up after him, and the list goes on. And expects me to work full time, keep the house spic and span, and do whatever he asks without question...all while attending school online and taking care of my other two kids from a previous marriage. PLEASE don't get me wrong...I love my husband with all my heart, and he has provided a wonderful life for me and my kids, but there are days I would like nothing better that to beat him to death! Shouldn't he be waiting on me a little? Shouldn't my load lighten a little the bigger I get? I am 18 weeks going on 19 and measuring 8 mos! We will find out in 3 weeks if it is twins...or more...God help us!

    Every time you feel the urge to uncontrollably be angry at your man...remember you have it a LOT better than a LOT of people. You could be waiting on HIM hand and foot like some of us are. Try to tell yourself, it is not his fault and it is ok to have weird anger...that is the hormones talking in your head! Then remind yourself to be thankful for the thoughtful, caring man you have and remind yourself how much worse it could be. Those angry thoughts will fade in time with your hormones. Your relationship is obviously rock solid and that love will make everything ok in the end. In the meantime...when you see him and feel that sudden urge to pounce, ask for a hug. Right then, right there...no matter whats going on around you. Sometimes that little comforting touch of our man can make the crazy thoughts fade and the hormones to shift in our favor. Good luck on your closing, your school and your baby! Enjoy them all. It is a blessing to get to live in one place and not move every 3 years (though it may be a headache process to get there). And its a blessing to have your man home every day or night (mine is gone a year at a time and sometimes for months in between when he is training). It is a blessing to not be going through your pregnancy/birth alone. Enjoy your blessings every chance you feel like screaming!

  • image ladyheather76:

    I understand that feeling...you are not alone. You are, however, VERY blessed. My husband is a full time soldier and very strong man. One would think, with this being his first child, he would be excited...but he isn't. Your man cooks for you? I cook in our house...not because he can't, but because it is expected of me. Your man does stuff for you, like clean your car? Mine asks me to clean his for him, and clean up after him, and the list goes on. And expects me to work full time, keep the house spic and span, and do whatever he asks without question...all while attending school online and taking care of my other two kids from a previous marriage. PLEASE don't get me wrong...I love my husband with all my heart, and he has provided a wonderful life for me and my kids, but there are days I would like nothing better that to beat him to death! Shouldn't he be waiting on me a little? Shouldn't my load lighten a little the bigger I get? I am 18 weeks going on 19 and measuring 8 mos! We will find out in 3 weeks if it is twins...or more...God help us!

    My DH expects a lot from me as well. I work from home and he automatically assumes that I have the time to do all of the cooking, laundry, and chores just because I'm not at an office. I think that his mom must have spoiled him to death as a child.

    LadyHeather be sure to tell your DH what you need at this time. This is your time (especially) to be pampered. Reach out and tell him when you need something like an extra hand doing dishes. Just because he's at the station or in the office doesn't mean that you aren't working hard. Sometimes I think that we, as women, put our needs last in our families.

    OP, I don't want to kill my DH, but I do want to kill my MIL and family members for small, insignificant annoyances. They live in different states, so they're easy targets for my fury.


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  • Yes I'm with you my man has been so awesome and yes we just went through all of the same stuff closing on our first home and numerous other things going on. He's been great he cooks and makes sure everything that needs to get done gets done but yes I'm with you sometimes I freak out on him and don't even mean to. Sometimes I even scream at him and then cry 10 minutes later most of the time for the rest of the night because I feel like such a jerk!

    I don't really have any advice just want to let you know your not the only one out there. My man has really learned to understand I don't mean anything by it and that I will always love him even if right now I don't know how to show it. 

  • Oh, also wanted to weigh in on the home-buying situation -- we went through an EXTREMELY stressful month -- I found out I was pregnant the same day we put our hosue on the market - it sold in a record 4 days, and then we had to figure out where to live - buyer wanted a quick close, so we also needed a quick close.  We ended up buying a place and moving in like 3 weeks and it was super stressful, but once we got settled... SO HAPPY!

    So hang in there and good luck!!

     

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