How to keep peace of mind... — The Bump
March 2013 Moms

How to keep peace of mind...

Ok honestly I don't know how to word what I'm feeling or what I'm trying to say..but here goes....this is my first pregnancy and my biggest concern is a continuous heartbeat. I am 16 weeks and I suppose it's too soon to feel the baby move. I've been lucky enough to have had two appointments since my 12th week and both indicated a strong heartbeat. I can tell that my stomach is growing so it's reassurance that baby is growing too. Actually, I just heard the heartbeat at my appointment last Friday. And I always feel re-charged and reassured afterwards. But a week after the appointments I find myself thinking "I hope all is still well" and worrying a little. My next appointment is Oct 22 for the gender U/S. I will be 20 weeks then. I don't know if I can expect to feel movement by then but I don't know how to get to the "all is well" point in my mind before then. I can't wait to get to the point where I can feel the baby move on a regular basis. Until then I just can't get total peace of mind.

Re: How to keep peace of mind...

  • I think this is a normal thing. I'm a FTM too and I have heard the baby's heartbeat 3 times (since week 9) and I have had an u/s too (at week 12) I feel great after every appointment knowing things are good then after 2 weeks I start feeling anxious again, hoping that everything is alright. I guess you just have to stay positive and think that everything is going well. I can't wait to feel movement everyday!! I know some people buy their own doppler's so they can hear the heartbeat when they start feeling like this, I'm not sure how much they cost but maybe that's something you can look into. It may be able to give you that piece of mind you want!
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  • It's normal and most of us go through it. This is my 3rd viable pregnancy. I've had 7 miscarriages and I need that peace of mind too. I have a fetal doppler ($65 on amazon) to listen to the heartbeat. It reassures me everything is fine. Good luck with your pregnancy :)
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  • What you're feeling is completely normal. 2nd tri is tough because typically the morning sickness and exhaustion go away making you feel "not pregnant", appts are still very spaced out, and feeling consistent baby movements may not happen until about 20 weeks. I wish I had a magic suggestion, but just try not to let your mind go to the worse place and stress. If you a home Doppler, use it. And remember even though loss isn't unheard of, the mass majority of women at our point in pregnancy carry to full term and delivery healthy babies. The odds are in your favor.
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    BFP #1: 9-20-2010 EDD: 5-25-2011 DD #1 born: 5-23-2011
    BFP #2: 6-14-2012 EDD: 2-15-2013 MC: 6-19-2012 5w5d
    BFP #3: 7-18-2012 EDD: 3-26-2012

  • I wonder how our grandmothers did it? They didn't have the comfort of seeing their babies on screen and they had to wait until a stethascope could pick up the hb. We need to channel their zen. I've had multiple miscarriages and those first few months are nerve wracking. I just try to keep busy and pray for peace.

    Some good news, hearing the hb dramatically lowers the chance for loss. There is no real way to know how things will turn out, but bear in mind that 85% of women who get pregnant go to term. Those are really good odds.

    I hope you can find a way to be at peace, so you can enjoy this journey. It is a miracle and only happens once with this baby.

  • You may be feeling LO and not realize it. I thought I was having round ligament pains, but some of the sharp shooting ones are actually LO kicking, especially my bladder. One thing that has helped me is talking to my bump. Baby is just starting to hear, but it makes me feel better about LO being ok.
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  • It's normal and I'm feeling the same exact way. We have an appointment on Tuesday that I wish was today!! My best friend offered to let me use her doppler as soon I was told her I was pregnant. I declined with the thinking that I was not going to feel the need to hear the baby. Now weeks later my feelings have changed and I will be getting it from her this weekend.
  • It is totally normal to worry, I just wish I had some advice to ease your mind! This is my third and I get nervous too. Yesterday I just felt so not pregnant and it freaked me out (I've been stressed out this week, so of course I worry that the stress has hurt the baby). Like others have said, hearing the heartbeat is a great sign that everything is going as it should. I hope the next few weeks til your next appt go b fast for you. You may start to feel movement before your next appt, so look forward to that!


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  • I'm also a FTM, and I noticed that I was able to calm down recently, after my 3rd appointment and second time hearing the heartbeat, and my entrance into the 2nd Trimester. The main thing I do is try to keep busy with NBR activities: I don't bring it up as a conversation topic, I focus on my work and all my hobbies, and I just generally try to distract myself from the fact that I'm pregnant.

    The other thing I do is remind myself that even though we all freak out about whether this will hurt the baby or that will hurt the baby, our bodies are designed to protect that little nugget even in horrible circumstances. Many healthy babies throughout history have been born in conditions far worse than anything we experience during our pregnancies. Odds are very, very good that everything will turn out just fine, and that your little squirt is growing quite comfortably down there.

    But I agree with other ladies here, that if the anxiety really is too much, get a Doppler! 

    "Can I call your baby 'Ze Munchkin,' or 'ZM' for short?" - my best friend
  • I think you need to do something calming, like yoga or pilates.  Also if reading stuff on the internet or even these boards freaks you out, then take a break for awhile.  I think most of all the best thing you can do is to keep positive thoughts in your mind.  If you start to think something negative try to change your direction of thinking into a positive.
  • Been there...done that. All the ladies here are on the right track. While there are no guarantees, the percentages of women carrying to full term and delivering healthy babies from this point are MUCH greater in our time of medicine than they used to be. The tests they run on our genetic chances for "birth defect" are pretty accurate these days too and will give you an 80% or greater answer in the genetics area.

    As for the wondering, if you are fine, baby is fine. Your body is your best tool. When you can't feel baby yet, or hear them regularly (wish I could afford the luxury of a home Doppler), listen to your own body. Not your mind, your body. Your mind is freaking out and asking if all is well. If you are healthy and feeling good physically, so is baby. If something is wrong, your body will tell you. Your anxiety over no movement yet stresses you and baby and could be bad for you both. Though ALL women experience some stresses in pregnancy and the majority turn out just fine.

    At your next appointment, ask if they will let you record babies heartbeat on your phone. Most will these days. I keep babies heartbeat on mine and add a new recording at every visit. It reassures me on those questionable days. And know, just because you may not feel baby on the outside yet, you may already be feeling baby inside and don't even know it! Is that REALLY a gas bubble, or is that little flutter REALLY your nerves. Once you feel baby move for the 1st time for certain you know what you are looking for. But even then there will be times baby won't move or you won't feel it. Don't panic. It is all normal. And don't beat yourself up over the anxiety. That is normal too. We all have it in some form or another.

  • Thanks Ladies! Your comments are so right and encouraging as well.

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