Even after I had pumpkin colored poop from too many pumpkin spice lattes last week, I still went and got one almost every day this week. They were out of pumpkin spice this morning... I pouted in Starbucks.
I am selfish and lame. I've been getting birthday cards in the mail and I open them, look for money and if there just any I just throw the card down and move on.. I haven't read any of them.
I don't get the Pumpkin Spice thing. Everyone on FB is posting about it and putting up pictures of their Starbucks cup. Gross, give me a skinny vanilla or a caramel frapp.
I don't get the Pumpkin Spice thing. Everyone on FB is posting about it and putting up pictures of their Starbucks cup. Gross, give me a skinny vanilla or a caramel frapp.
I don't know, I'm not a fan of pumpkin anything but these.
Even after I had pumpkin colored poop from too many pumpkin spice lattes last week, I still went and got one almost every day this week.nbsp; They were out of pumpkin spice this morning... I pouted in Starbucks.
I got my sister addicted to them during her visit here...they are fabulous. The pumpkin latte at Panera is not as good!!
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Even after I had pumpkin colored poop from too many pumpkin spice lattes last week, I still went and got one almost every day this week.nbsp; They were out of pumpkin spice this morning... I pouted in Starbucks.
I got my sister addicted to them during her visit here...they are fabulous. The pumpkin latte at Panera is not as good!!
The dunkin donuts one sucks, I only like the Starbucks one. But the mint hot chocolate at DD is orgasmic!
Even after I had pumpkin colored poop from too many pumpkin spice lattes last week, I still went and got one almost every day this week.nbsp; They were out of pumpkin spice this morning... I pouted in Starbucks.
I got my sister addicted to them during her visit here...they are fabulous. The pumpkin latte at Panera is not as good!!
The dunkin donuts one sucks, I only like the Starbucks one. But the mint hot chocolate at DD is orgasmic!
Good to know! I shall try that hot cocoa at DD. I usually get blueberry coffee.
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I have been in a bad mood since Monday and I CANNOT crawl out of this rut. I've been less than nice to MH (except when I thought I was ovulating), stressed out at work, and just frustrated at life in general. I feel guilty for being so blah when I know I have so many things to be thankful for.
Lame confession as usual. I'll try to think of a better one later.
ETA: Not any better, but also woe is me - I invited way too many people to CK's first birthday party, thinking there's no way they'd RSVP yes. Lo and behold, we're at 50+ people and still waiting on many RSVPs. It's at our house, which is not big. If it rains, we're screwed. What in the world was I thinking. I feel like such an idiot and am so overwhelmed with party-planning in this Pinterest-inspired age with absolutely no motivation to make it over-the-top and wish I could rewind time and make it a small family gathering.
I'm such a ball of fun today.
BFP#1 1/31/11 ~ CK came on her due date, 10/10/11!
BFP#2 11/20/12, EDD 7/30/13 ~ heard heartbeat at 6w2d ~ mmc discovered at 8w
Ok, my sister and I went nuts on her 6 days here...DC Cupcakes...mmmmm, we were on a pumpkin theme. I confess I hope my mon wants to try them when she gets here Wednesday..the pumpkin one should be out for the season, not just certain days.
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I confess that I don't really have the money for a bunch of new clothes right now, nor do I really need any new ones, but I have a burning urge to go on an all out shopping spree.
I think I will have to settle for raiding my sister's closet.
I got a $2200 check in the mail this week for "pain & suffering" from the accident I was in this April. (I was rear ended, had a neck sprain, and had to miss a few days of work.) I didn't tell DH about the check; I plan to spend it spoiling myself over the next couple of weeks-mani/pedis, new clothes, a massage or two.
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I put myself on a September spending freeze, but bit the bullet and bought the Michael Kors purse I've been obsessing over. I just needed a new purse for Fall!
I got a $2200 check in the mail this week for "pain & suffering" from the accident I was in this April. (I was rear ended, had a neck sprain, and had to miss a few days of work.) I didn't tell DH about the check; I plan to spend it spoiling myself over the next couple of weeks-mani/pedis, new clothes, a massage or two.
This is awesome.
BFP#1 1/31/11 ~ CK came on her due date, 10/10/11!
BFP#2 11/20/12, EDD 7/30/13 ~ heard heartbeat at 6w2d ~ mmc discovered at 8w
I weighed 20 lbs less than my pre pregnancy weight and than I do now just a few months aftee E was born. I have no idea how I got so fat again! Diet time.
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My confession is silly. I have a school-girl crush on the new guy in Glee, Brody. I'm not sure if my confession should just be that I watch Glee period. haha. Anywho.. he's a cutie.
My other confession is that I called in to work today and told them it was because I had no one to watch L. Well, that is only half true... my MIL doesn't work and could've watched her, but I don't trust her with L yet. (Giving her a pill bottle to play with does not exactly help with my trust issues either)
I don't get the Pumpkin Spice thing. Everyone on FB is posting about it and putting up pictures of their Starbucks cup. Gross, give me a skinny vanilla or a caramel frapp.
I loved them before last week. I got one on my way to work and didn't finish it in the car so I poured it into a mug and popped it into the microwave at work. OMG you would not believe the layer of disgusting oil floating on the top. Maybe all lattes are like this, but I'd never heated it up before. I dumped it out and went back to my regular coffee. They're delicious but I can't get that picture out of my head. Keep it in the paper (or reusable) cup if you like them!
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I totally bit DH's head off yesterday for asking to go paintballing work friends the day before E's b-day party. He acted quite frustrated when I (at first) calmly suggested that we'd be very busy the day before her party, so I let him have it full blast. I told him I was pissed at him for being selfish enough to even ask. And then we proceeded to fight for more than an hour because he insisted that everything should be pretty much done the day before the party so there's no reason he shouldn't be able to take 3-4 hrs to play paintball, of course, taking our only car with him. Really? Everything should already be done??? What about buying the meat, cooking the food, baking the cupcakes, organizing the decorations? I don't do parties so I'm really in WAY over my head. And he wants to stick me at home alone with the b-day girl and no car the day before the party??? Well, F.U. DH!
Anyway, I'm confessing this, not because I feel like I'm wrong for being pissed, but for the way I handled it. I shouldn't have told him that he was a selfish prick and strongly implied that he only thinks of himself and has no concern for his daughter.
I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
Feelings are just that... Feelings. Give yourself a break! You are doing a great job, momma! It is hard work having 2 little ones that demand your attention and have needs that need to be met by a caregiver. The bonding time will come when you are feeling less overwhelmed and you have a better idea of how to handle Aidan. Just love those little boys and take care of yourself!
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So I made a cake for our cousin's wedding in June. It was fancy full of sugar flowers etc. I think it took me around 25 hours for the flowers alone. We never settled on a price (my fault I know, but it is uncomfortable). Anyway, the price never got brought up again. On the wedding day they didn't even come to our table, much less thank us for the cake. I only received a half azz thanks on FB. So I have been a total b!tch about the situation for months. I guess my feelings were hurt.
Well I just got a huge check in the mail with a thank you...I feel like a sh!t head. But, I do maintain that it is a bit late.
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This will get me flamed, but so be it.I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down. It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.nbsp;
I had a few moments like this when B was a new born. I remember crying to MH saying I don't like my baby right now. It'll get better!
Mine is super lame but a confession none the less. We invited 100+ people and planned a huge party for J's birthday. I was super excited and had everything all planned out. As the date approaches, I find myself more excited when people call with regrets and the party becomes smaller and smaller. I am even happier about the cost of the party now! Plus, J will never know how huge his party was supposed to be so no harm done!
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I have 2, but the first is long so I'll do them separately:
1) I tend to get "nervous tummy" when I'm stressed. And the combination of arbitration this week and the inlaws coming today hit me hard in the middle of the night. I got up to feed LBB and my stomach started feeling all sorts of not right. I thought I could make it through the feeding and put him back down. I switched breasts and realized I was not going to make it. I started calling for DH who never appeared. Finally, after LBB had eaten a while I figured he'd probably had enough and pulled boob from his mouth. He started screaming. I carried him to the bedroom where DH was finally awake and told him to put the baby to bed, I was going to be sick.
When I was done being sick, DH wasn't back yet and I could see him in the monitor putting down LBB who was tossing and turning all over his crib. DH left him there and LBB started screaming hysterically. DH is wandering around our room (I have no idea why) so I got up and went to LBB's room. I picked him up, he shut up, curled into my chest, and started going to sleep.
DH comes stomping into the room and yells at me to get back to bed - he'll put the baby to sleep. I tell him I've got it covered and he keeps yelling at me, so I hand him our sleepy baby who starts screaming the minute DH takes him and leave the room. I get sick again. When I'm done, DH is in bed and starts going off on me. I tell him he should be nicer to me since I don't feel well and I was only trying to help. He said it was my fault for not putting the toilet paper on right and that I was being a "pariah" by going into the baby's room to put him back to sleep. (I think he meant martyr - which I wasn't. I felt bad I woke him up and was trying to pick up slack.) He keeps going on and I pick up and head out to the couch.
My confession: LBB woke up 2 more times last night/this morning (or one time at night, and then he was up for the day around 6:30). Both times I pretended I didn't hear him so DH would have to get up and take care of whatever the issue was since I was pissed at him for being mean to me when I was sick.
2) I can already feel my anxiety disorder kicking in with regards to stopping pumping. My plan is to drop pumping sessions and supplement with my freezer stash until that's gone.
I spent all yesterday going over and over and over in my head my plan for stopping pumping and when I was going to drop each session. (part of the disorder is repetitive/circular thoughts). I finally decided that I was going to start this weekend with my evening/before bed pumping session. Saturday night will be the last night I pump before bed.
So then I started doing a spin-out, thinking about "well what if I don't have enough milk for his bottles on Monday and I have to dip into the freezer stash before he turns one (on Tuesday). That's one less day I have breastmilk for him." I understand the irrational worry about a single day, but it doesn't stop the thought from circling around and around my head. And I realize that as I start using the freezer stash, and it starts going down, I'm going to be having a lot of similar worry/anxiety and I'm going to really have to battle it.
2) I can already feel my anxiety disorder kicking in with regards to stopping pumping. My plan is to drop pumping sessions and supplement with my freezer stash until that's gone.
I spent all yesterday going over and over and over in my head my plan for stopping pumping and when I was going to drop each session. (part of the disorder is repetitive/circular thoughts). I finally decided that I was going to start this weekend with my evening/before bed pumping session. Saturday night will be the last night I pump before bed.
So then I started doing a spin-out, thinking about "well what if I don't have enough milk for his bottles on Monday and I have to dip into the freezer stash before he turns one (on Tuesday). That's one less day I have breastmilk for him." I understand the irrational worry about a single day, but it doesn't stop the thought from circling around and around my head. And I realize that as I start using the freezer stash, and it starts going down, I'm going to be having a lot of similar worry/anxiety and I'm going to really have to battle it.
I can totally see myself doing the same - in fact, I have obsessed about building a stash and pumping enough to feed both my boys. It seems like it is the end of the world out of a sudden if I cannot give Alastair enough breastmilk. As if he did not do just fine on formula before.
I have no advice except to relax and try to see the achievement of a year of breastfeeding. But I know it is hard not to obsess.
2) I can already feel my anxiety disorder kicking in with regards to stopping pumping. My plan is to drop pumping sessions and supplement with my freezer stash until that's gone.
I spent all yesterday going over and over and over in my head my plan for stopping pumping and when I was going to drop each session. (part of the disorder is repetitive/circular thoughts). I finally decided that I was going to start this weekend with my evening/before bed pumping session. Saturday night will be the last night I pump before bed.
So then I started doing a spin-out, thinking about "well what if I don't have enough milk for his bottles on Monday and I have to dip into the freezer stash before he turns one (on Tuesday). That's one less day I have breastmilk for him." I understand the irrational worry about a single day, but it doesn't stop the thought from circling around and around my head. And I realize that as I start using the freezer stash, and it starts going down, I'm going to be having a lot of similar worry/anxiety and I'm going to really have to battle it.
I can totally see myself doing the same - in fact, I have obsessed about building a stash and pumping enough to feed both my boys. It seems like it is the end of the world out of a sudden if I cannot give Alastair enough breastmilk. As if he did not do just fine on formula before.
I have no advice except to relax and try to see the achievement of a year of breastfeeding. But I know it is hard not to obsess.
I think DH's job is totally boring. He has started a huge project, made a new department at his job, got lots of kudos from his boss etc but I think his job is boring. The president of the corporation came into town to meet with all the department heads to just kind of check in, he had like 20 meetings in one day and DH scored one of these meetings. He was hoping to blow the presidents mind. The president listened to DH said things looked interesting and he said that DH would be getting a full time assistant and some more junior staff working under him and that was that. DH was really upset that there wasn't much more of a reaction. I had to stop myself from saying, "It's because your job is as boring as F**ck! that's why." Instead I said, "He had 20 meetings in one day, he can't act blown away at each one. He did tell you to say Hi to me and the kids and remembered their names which means he remembers you and that's what's important."
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I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
I felt this way about Lo. E was a NICU baby and so tiny. He was just this cute soft lump for months and very rarely cried. Lo has always been really active and cried so much I felt like I was going crazy. I love her but sometimes being around her is exhausting, she's just not as much fun. I know she can't help it and it's getting better finally but it's hard not to think those thoughts.
I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
I don't think anybody would flame you for this, Nita. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that several of us would jump to flame anybody who DID say anything bad about you feeling this way! It is VERY common for a woman to have a difficult time bonding with her newborn, and you have the added stress of 2 little ones that need so much of you. Give it time, and you'll start to feel for Aidan what you already feel for Alastair. And, if you don't, there is nothing wrong with talking to somebody about it. You are a strong woman; you will make it through this!
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I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
I didn't bond right away with C when he was born. It was hard, it's not like I had my Mom, sister, or a friend here to help. I didn't 'know' him (if that makes sense), and I didn't know what the hell I was doing. It took a while for things to click. You already 'know' Alastair, and you don't 'know' Aidan yet. I think that your feelings are totally understandable, and not flameworthy at all.
I have no idea how to use the LATCH system. I have always had C in the seatbelt mode. The other car I was driving didn't have the LATCH system. The heater has gone out in that car, so DH now drives it. I get to drive a car with a LATCH system, but I've been too lazy to figure it out. I probably should, especially since the seatbelt tends to make the carseat seem tilted.
This will get me flamed, but so be it.I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down. It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.nbsp;
My sister had her second kid a few months ago and they are 14 months apart. She went through the same thing, whiny baby.. Hard time bonding and had problems because of having to split her attention.
It does get better and it doesn't make you a bad mom. At all!
My confession is I'm scared of going through the same thing. DS is so fun right now I dread having to deal with a newborn. Plus, he is so spoiled and such a mommas boy it breaks my heart thinking of him having to share me.
I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
Nita, I honestly didn't feel really bonded with Li or that deep love feeling until, seriously, Tuesday. I saw the movie Hope Floats and something clicked, but it took 51 weeks. I still don't get that 'it's breaking my heart' feeling when she cries.
Wednesday night I realized that I left my phone charger on my desk at work and our home phone is currently on the fritz and since I was working from home yesterday I needed a phone. I freaked out at DH after he scolded me for forgetting about how he always forgets everything and stormed out of the house and ended up driving around the neighborhood in my bare feet and pjs trying to charge my phone with the car charger. I got to work this morning and reached into my bag for my badge and there was my phone charger. I don't plan on telling DH I had it all along after acting like such a crazy person.
I have IBS, so my tummy always acts funny. Earlier, I felt like I had to poop and I was giving Li a snack, and when you gotta go, you gotta go. So, I grabbed Li and the bag, brought them into the bathroom, and was handing her dried fruit as I pooped.
This isn't really a confession, but it just happened... a kamikaze bird just committed suicide on my front door. I was coming downstairs from putting Li down and I hear a bang, I thought it was UPS leaving a package. I look outside and see a twitching bird. It is now laying on my front step, dead, and I'm just waiting for DH to get home because I can't bring myself to pick it up and get rid of it.
2) I can already feel my anxiety disorder kicking in with regards to stopping pumping. My plan is to drop pumping sessions and supplement with my freezer stash until that's gone.
I spent all yesterday going over and over and over in my head my plan for stopping pumping and when I was going to drop each session. (part of the disorder is repetitive/circular thoughts). I finally decided that I was going to start this weekend with my evening/before bed pumping session. Saturday night will be the last night I pump before bed.
So then I started doing a spin-out, thinking about "well what if I don't have enough milk for his bottles on Monday and I have to dip into the freezer stash before he turns one (on Tuesday). That's one less day I have breastmilk for him." I understand the irrational worry about a single day, but it doesn't stop the thought from circling around and around my head. And I realize that as I start using the freezer stash, and it starts going down, I'm going to be having a lot of similar worry/anxiety and I'm going to really have to battle it.
Sometimes I think we are the same person. I think I am actually planning to pump until he moves to the toddler room at daycare becuase I really struggling with the idea of him not getting BM during the day.
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Liz4444
member
Re: It's Friday... confess!
I don't know, I'm not a fan of pumpkin anything but these.
I got my sister addicted to them during her visit here...they are fabulous. The pumpkin latte at Panera is not as good!!
The dunkin donuts one sucks, I only like the Starbucks one. But the mint hot chocolate at DD is orgasmic!
Good to know! I shall try that hot cocoa at DD. I usually get blueberry coffee.
I have been in a bad mood since Monday and I CANNOT crawl out of this rut. I've been less than nice to MH (except when I thought I was ovulating), stressed out at work, and just frustrated at life in general. I feel guilty for being so blah when I know I have so many things to be thankful for.
Lame confession as usual. I'll try to think of a better one later.
ETA: Not any better, but also woe is me - I invited way too many people to CK's first birthday party, thinking there's no way they'd RSVP yes. Lo and behold, we're at 50+ people and still waiting on many RSVPs. It's at our house, which is not big. If it rains, we're screwed. What in the world was I thinking. I feel like such an idiot and am so overwhelmed with party-planning in this Pinterest-inspired age with absolutely no motivation to make it over-the-top and wish I could rewind time and make it a small family gathering.
I'm such a ball of fun today.
Dang that sounds good! Now I want one. Damn you, Liz!
BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010
BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011
BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013
I confess that I don't really have the money for a bunch of new clothes right now, nor do I really need any new ones, but I have a burning urge to go on an all out shopping spree.
I think I will have to settle for raiding my sister's closet.
My confession is silly. I have a school-girl crush on the new guy in Glee, Brody. I'm not sure if my confession should just be that I watch Glee period. haha. Anywho.. he's a cutie.
My other confession is that I called in to work today and told them it was because I had no one to watch L. Well, that is only half true... my MIL doesn't work and could've watched her, but I don't trust her with L yet. (Giving her a pill bottle to play with does not exactly help with my trust issues either)
I loved them before last week. I got one on my way to work and didn't finish it in the car so I poured it into a mug and popped it into the microwave at work. OMG you would not believe the layer of disgusting oil floating on the top. Maybe all lattes are like this, but I'd never heated it up before. I dumped it out and went back to my regular coffee. They're delicious but I can't get that picture out of my head. Keep it in the paper (or reusable) cup if you like them!
I totally bit DH's head off yesterday for asking to go paintballing work friends the day before E's b-day party. He acted quite frustrated when I (at first) calmly suggested that we'd be very busy the day before her party, so I let him have it full blast. I told him I was pissed at him for being selfish enough to even ask. And then we proceeded to fight for more than an hour because he insisted that everything should be pretty much done the day before the party so there's no reason he shouldn't be able to take 3-4 hrs to play paintball, of course, taking our only car with him. Really? Everything should already be done??? What about buying the meat, cooking the food, baking the cupcakes, organizing the decorations? I don't do parties so I'm really in WAY over my head. And he wants to stick me at home alone with the b-day girl and no car the day before the party??? Well, F.U. DH!
Anyway, I'm confessing this, not because I feel like I'm wrong for being pissed, but for the way I handled it. I shouldn't have told him that he was a selfish prick and strongly implied that he only thinks of himself and has no concern for his daughter.
This will get me flamed, but so be it.
I have a hard time bonding with Aidan. As in I am not sure how to really connect with him. He is a much fussier baby than Alastair ever was and I kinda am overwhelmed by that. It also breaks my heart when I have to take time away from Alastair because Aidan doesn't settle down.
It is not that I don't love him, but it is hard to like him. And I feel so so so guilty for feeling that way.
Feelings are just that... Feelings. Give yourself a break! You are doing a great job, momma! It is hard work having 2 little ones that demand your attention and have needs that need to be met by a caregiver. The bonding time will come when you are feeling less overwhelmed and you have a better idea of how to handle Aidan. Just love those little boys and take care of yourself!
I didn't have anything to confess until now.
So I made a cake for our cousin's wedding in June. It was fancy full of sugar flowers etc. I think it took me around 25 hours for the flowers alone. We never settled on a price (my fault I know, but it is uncomfortable). Anyway, the price never got brought up again. On the wedding day they didn't even come to our table, much less thank us for the cake. I only received a half azz thanks on FB. So I have been a total b!tch about the situation for months. I guess my feelings were hurt.
Well I just got a huge check in the mail with a thank you...I feel like a sh!t head. But, I do maintain that it is a bit late.
I had a few moments like this when B was a new born. I remember crying to MH saying I don't like my baby right now. It'll get better!
I have 2, but the first is long so I'll do them separately:
1) I tend to get "nervous tummy" when I'm stressed. And the combination of arbitration this week and the inlaws coming today hit me hard in the middle of the night. I got up to feed LBB and my stomach started feeling all sorts of not right. I thought I could make it through the feeding and put him back down. I switched breasts and realized I was not going to make it. I started calling for DH who never appeared. Finally, after LBB had eaten a while I figured he'd probably had enough and pulled boob from his mouth. He started screaming. I carried him to the bedroom where DH was finally awake and told him to put the baby to bed, I was going to be sick.
When I was done being sick, DH wasn't back yet and I could see him in the monitor putting down LBB who was tossing and turning all over his crib. DH left him there and LBB started screaming hysterically. DH is wandering around our room (I have no idea why) so I got up and went to LBB's room. I picked him up, he shut up, curled into my chest, and started going to sleep.
DH comes stomping into the room and yells at me to get back to bed - he'll put the baby to sleep. I tell him I've got it covered and he keeps yelling at me, so I hand him our sleepy baby who starts screaming the minute DH takes him and leave the room. I get sick again. When I'm done, DH is in bed and starts going off on me. I tell him he should be nicer to me since I don't feel well and I was only trying to help. He said it was my fault for not putting the toilet paper on right and that I was being a "pariah" by going into the baby's room to put him back to sleep. (I think he meant martyr - which I wasn't. I felt bad I woke him up and was trying to pick up slack.) He keeps going on and I pick up and head out to the couch.
My confession: LBB woke up 2 more times last night/this morning (or one time at night, and then he was up for the day around 6:30). Both times I pretended I didn't hear him so DH would have to get up and take care of whatever the issue was since I was pissed at him for being mean to me when I was sick.
This one is shorter...I think.
2) I can already feel my anxiety disorder kicking in with regards to stopping pumping. My plan is to drop pumping sessions and supplement with my freezer stash until that's gone.
I spent all yesterday going over and over and over in my head my plan for stopping pumping and when I was going to drop each session. (part of the disorder is repetitive/circular thoughts). I finally decided that I was going to start this weekend with my evening/before bed pumping session. Saturday night will be the last night I pump before bed.
So then I started doing a spin-out, thinking about "well what if I don't have enough milk for his bottles on Monday and I have to dip into the freezer stash before he turns one (on Tuesday). That's one less day I have breastmilk for him." I understand the irrational worry about a single day, but it doesn't stop the thought from circling around and around my head. And I realize that as I start using the freezer stash, and it starts going down, I'm going to be having a lot of similar worry/anxiety and I'm going to really have to battle it.
I can totally see myself doing the same - in fact, I have obsessed about building a stash and pumping enough to feed both my boys. It seems like it is the end of the world out of a sudden if I cannot give Alastair enough breastmilk. As if he did not do just fine on formula before.
I have no advice except to relax and try to see the achievement of a year of breastfeeding. But I know it is hard not to obsess.
I can totally see myself doing the same - in fact, I have obsessed about building a stash and pumping enough to feed both my boys. It seems like it is the end of the world out of a sudden if I cannot give Alastair enough breastmilk. As if he did not do just fine on formula before.
I have no advice except to relax and try to see the achievement of a year of breastfeeding. But I know it is hard not to obsess.
I felt this way about Lo. E was a NICU baby and so tiny. He was just this cute soft lump for months and very rarely cried. Lo has always been really active and cried so much I felt like I was going crazy. I love her but sometimes being around her is exhausting, she's just not as much fun. I know she can't help it and it's getting better finally but it's hard not to think those thoughts.
I don't think anybody would flame you for this, Nita. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that several of us would jump to flame anybody who DID say anything bad about you feeling this way! It is VERY common for a woman to have a difficult time bonding with her newborn, and you have the added stress of 2 little ones that need so much of you. Give it time, and you'll start to feel for Aidan what you already feel for Alastair. And, if you don't, there is nothing wrong with talking to somebody about it. You are a strong woman; you will make it through this!
I didn't bond right away with C when he was born. It was hard, it's not like I had my Mom, sister, or a friend here to help. I didn't 'know' him (if that makes sense), and I didn't know what the hell I was doing. It took a while for things to click. You already 'know' Alastair, and you don't 'know' Aidan yet. I think that your feelings are totally understandable, and not flameworthy at all.
I have no idea how to use the LATCH system. I have always had C in the seatbelt mode. The other car I was driving didn't have the LATCH system. The heater has gone out in that car, so DH now drives it. I get to drive a car with a LATCH system, but I've been too lazy to figure it out. I probably should, especially since the seatbelt tends to make the carseat seem tilted.
Flame away...
My sister had her second kid a few months ago and they are 14 months apart. She went through the same thing, whiny baby.. Hard time bonding and had problems because of having to split her attention.
It does get better and it doesn't make you a bad mom. At all!
My confession is I'm scared of going through the same thing. DS is so fun right now I dread having to deal with a newborn. Plus, he is so spoiled and such a mommas boy it breaks my heart thinking of him having to share me.
Nita, I honestly didn't feel really bonded with Li or that deep love feeling until, seriously, Tuesday. I saw the movie Hope Floats and something clicked, but it took 51 weeks. I still don't get that 'it's breaking my heart' feeling when she cries.
Don't feel guilty, it will come eventually.
I have IBS, so my tummy always acts funny. Earlier, I felt like I had to poop and I was giving Li a snack, and when you gotta go, you gotta go. So, I grabbed Li and the bag, brought them into the bathroom, and was handing her dried fruit as I pooped.
This isn't really a confession, but it just happened... a kamikaze bird just committed suicide on my front door. I was coming downstairs from putting Li down and I hear a bang, I thought it was UPS leaving a package. I look outside and see a twitching bird. It is now laying on my front step, dead, and I'm just waiting for DH to get home because I can't bring myself to pick it up and get rid of it.
DUP - I swear it is like every time I post the bump duplicates it! WTF
Sometimes I think we are the same person. I think I am actually planning to pump until he moves to the toddler room at daycare becuase I really struggling with the idea of him not getting BM during the day.