Blended Families
Nineoceans
member
Facebook and BM
Nineoceans
member
Now that Bm and our family is a little friendly I'm thinking about becoming her fbook friend...thoughts?
She used to be fbook friends with dh but he said she bugged him for years to let her access his profile so he finally did so SS could see new pictures of him while he was in the military. Now that he's home he absolutely will not let her have access.
I'm thinking I should reach out to her 1 because I know she is incredibly nosey/curious about our life 2 to keep tabs on her because we think she is back in a downward spiral 3 to get closer to her, we want one day to have full custody and I feel like it would be easier for her to agree to that if she sees the kind of life SS has at our house. I was looking through our pics of the summer and we have done tons of fun things with him. I think she'd appreciate seeing some.
Cons are obviously privacy and if we ever went back to court. I've had my profile since 2006 so I wouldn't want to delete any old or college pics on her behalf so she would have access to a lot.
I really don't use my profile for much more than promoting work events and posting pictures of family gatherings any more we don't live a very risqu life.
What are your thoughts are you friends with Bm on Facebook?
She used to be fbook friends with dh but he said she bugged him for years to let her access his profile so he finally did so SS could see new pictures of him while he was in the military. Now that he's home he absolutely will not let her have access.
I'm thinking I should reach out to her 1 because I know she is incredibly nosey/curious about our life 2 to keep tabs on her because we think she is back in a downward spiral 3 to get closer to her, we want one day to have full custody and I feel like it would be easier for her to agree to that if she sees the kind of life SS has at our house. I was looking through our pics of the summer and we have done tons of fun things with him. I think she'd appreciate seeing some.
Cons are obviously privacy and if we ever went back to court. I've had my profile since 2006 so I wouldn't want to delete any old or college pics on her behalf so she would have access to a lot.
I really don't use my profile for much more than promoting work events and posting pictures of family gatherings any more we don't live a very risqu life.
What are your thoughts are you friends with Bm on Facebook?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Facebook and BM
Email her the photos you want her to see. Do not FB friend her.
Be wary of showing her too much of how good his life is, as jealousy can rear its ugly head. Send her a few pics now and then of him when the focus is just on his smile, not necessarily on all the stuff around him. Don't ever send pics of him with you or DH or any siblings.
Your H knows her and has already decided that he doesn't want her to see him on FB. Why would you want to engage when you didn't have to?
Send her some photos via email. That way, you get to control what she sees. Do not FB friend her. In fact, even if she friended you on FB, I would write back that you don't think it's a good idea.
I wouldn't do it. All the negatives outweigh the positives IMO.
In the past, I've thought about being FB friends w/ XH. Six years out from the divorce, we're amicable. And like you, we don't do anything crazy. Nor do I post anything super personal.
But the fact is, we're not friends. I don't want to think about how any picture or status post might be viewed through his eyes. I'm also a fan of boundaries, and I don't want to do anything to blur the lines.
I am FB friends with BM. We were all getting along for quite some time, so she invited me and I accepted because I was curious as I am sure she was as well. She also said that she would like to see what SD is up to through pictures and all that when she is with us. We have 50/50 everything and equal nights a week, but we tend to have SD most of the time becuase I watch her during the work week, so it made sense.
DH was her firend too, but she would always post to his status' and pictures about how much SD looks like him, was like him, etc. (which cannot be true because DH found out when we were married and when SD was 2 that SD is not his biological daughter. He confronted her and all that, but she denies she knows who the donor is so we try to put it out of our minds). It bugged him that she was playing games with him, so he deleted her. He asked that I stay friends so we could see what she was 'up to' in her personal life so I did. Now is it good or bad? I don't know. To each their own I guess.
Just be careful you don't let what she posts bother you too much. We have discovered that BM goes to bars quite a bit. Plus she will post random pictures of SD throughout the week when she didn't have her to make it appear that she has her more often than she does. It bugs me because it's like, you post all that crap yet you rarely have your child for an entire day. We do the 2/5/5/2 schedule and on her days she always picks her up at 6pm and will drop her off at 8am every day and then go 5 days without seeing her at all. So she doesn't spend a lot of time with SD.
What is super fun is looking back at dates where BM has told us she is wokring late or going out of town only to discover she was going out and drinking or spending time with her boyfriend. Kind of sad that she lied so much, but she is allowed to do whatever she wants I guess.
It bugs me more than DH. He says she is a sh*ty mom so it's expected. But I can't get over the fact that she posts like she has her child, yet here I am with SD taking care of her while her mom goes and does whatever.
Sorry, kind of rambled there lol.
Anyway, you could always delete her if you don't like what you see or things get weird or bad or anything. But deep down everyone is allowed to be a little nosy right?
Do you have pictures from college that could be judged? If the answer is yes then either take them down or don't FB friend her. And honestly at this point in your life if you have old pictures that could be judged I think you should take them down anyway, I just think there is a point that you grow up and should not want people to see stuff that can make them think less of you.
But if your DH does not want her to have access then I think it is a moot point and wrong to go above him on this.
And I had no idea FB was that old, I guess that just makes me old for not realizing sooner but I really held out as long as I could.
Anyways thanks all for being the voice of reason because Dh and Bm just had a big falling out yesterday. SS complained that Bm is letting her boyfriend spank him and "it hurts" and my Dh is beyond not ok with that and Bm says its none of our business sooo I guess we are fighting again. Was fun for a second.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking.