how do we tell my mom we're not comfortable with her seeing a medium?

lrichmond86

my mom wants to see a medium to try to connect with the baby. dh and i talked about it a lot and it makes us both very ubcomfortable. maybe its selfish but we both feel like he was our son and if someone is going ti communicate with him it should be us. we dont feek the need to do that but we dont want anyone else to either. my relationship with my mom is already difficult and i dont want to rock the boat more but we feel very strongly about this. how do i approach this with her without starting world war three?

weddedwife

You're going to have to be very direct about this. Tell her in no uncertain terms, "Mom, we're not comfortable with this. If you respect us and value our relationship you will not do this." Don't say anything more, when she gives her ifs ands or buts just keep repeating that phrase. Don't raise your voice or get upset, and don't get into a discussion with her. If you don't engage, you can't get into an argument with her. Just calmly repeat the phrase and say its not open for debate.

ally2011

weddedwife:

You're going to have to be very direct about this. Tell her in no uncertain terms, "Mom, we're not comfortable with this. If you respect us and value our relationship you will not do this." Don't say anything more, when she gives her ifs ands or buts just keep repeating that phrase. Don't raise your voice or get upset, and don't get into a discussion with her. If you don't engage, you can't get into an argument with her. Just calmly repeat the phrase and say its not open for debate.

This is good advice. 

jess123456

I also think this is great advice. My mom wanted to do something similar which I was not comfortable with and I was direct and honest with her and she really appreciated that and understood. I hope you get the same response.

Bayberry12

Wow. This is a difficult situation. I know you have talked about your relationship with your mom and how rocky it has been.
I think Weddedwife gave some great advise. It will probably be hard to be so blunt and direct, but I think this might be the best way. You will be letting her know it is not open for discussion by repeating the same statement if she tries to argue her point.

I also want you to know that I'm sorry you are still dealing with this, it sound very frustrating

jbranden12

I'm sorry, lrichmond. This is such a difficult situation. If it were my mom, I wouldn't tell her not to do it, but I would tell her that she needs to keep it to herself and not share the information with me or anyone we are close to. If she needs to do this for herself, that's fine, but I don't want to be a part of it. But I know your relationship with your mother is already strained, so if you don't trust her to do this then I can understand if you'd rather she didn't do it at all.

Mrs Nice

I also agree with Weddedwife. I am so sorry you have to deal with this difficult situation, but being blunt about it may be the only way to let her know how against it you are. If she continues to push the subject you will have to decide if it is worth fighting with her over it. I hate to say it but it will all come down to the respect she has for you. Either she will respect your wishes and not go or she will feel her need is stronger then your wishes and go behind your back anyway. I really hope that your mom will be understanding and decide not to go. Big hugs!

tuscanbride2007

ally2011:

weddedwife:

You're going to have to be very direct about this. Tell her in no uncertain terms, "Mom, we're not comfortable with this. If you respect us and value our relationship you will not do this." Don't say anything more, when she gives her ifs ands or buts just keep repeating that phrase. Don't raise your voice or get upset, and don't get into a discussion with her. If you don't engage, you can't get into an argument with her. Just calmly repeat the phrase and say its not open for debate.

This is good advice. 

Weddedwife was right on the money with this. I am so sorry that you are going through this. ((HUGS))