Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Birthday party issues...Vent & question
I just have a little vent. We are starting to plan our twin girls first birthday party. DH and I both have large families and so having both families in one house is out of the question because nobody's house is big enough and their birthday is in December so an outside party really isn't an option. Anyway, I have been looking for somewhere that is inexpensive. Well I made the mistake of putting something on facebook asking if anyone knew of a place in the area to have it. My MIL (who is in Italy visiting family) suggested we have it at a community center where she works. Only problem with this is that no alcohol is allowed and I would really like to have beer and wine because we are also celebrating my great grandfather's 97th bday and my bday which are within one week of my twins bday. So I told my MIL that I did not want to do it there because alcohol is not allowed. She made some very rude comments like "Well it's a 1st bday party and I didn't think the babies would be interested in alcohol" and then she said "Why don't you let me worry about our side of the family and we will have our own party". All of this on facebook for everyone to see. She wants to do her own party because she wants to do it her way and she thinks we are wrong in wanting to do it on our own. They are OUR kids not hers. She is a major control freak and tried to take over our wedding, my bridal shower and baby shower, because she wants things done her way and now she is trying to take over their bday party. She can't seem to understand even after we have had many many talks with her that she just needs to let us do what we want with our lives and our kids. She comes back from Italy today and I know when I see her she is going to be a complete *** to me and is going to DH hell because he stood up to her and told her we are having one party and thats the end of it. Am I overreacting?? I feel like I may be and maybe I should just give in and have it where she wants. But if I do give into her, I feel like I am letting her walk all over me and control what we do. What do you ladies think??
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Re: Birthday party issues...Vent & question
Agree. MIL's are super annoying. I feel your pain
Hope it all works out!
Compromise and Balance are key. JH.
To me, it sounds like it might actually be easier to have two parties. You can have your family over to your house and celebrate your and your great grandpa's birthdays with your daughters' and not have to rent a place then, right? Maybe I don't get the IL drama, though... I say if someone else is interested in doing something that makes my life easier, let them do it.
I did think about this and all I want to do to celebrate my birthday and my grandfathers is to have our names added to the cake. The main focus is our girls. My grandfather and I always celebrate our bdays together because his is the day before mine and there is a good chance he won't be here next year so we want to have one last bday together. My mom thinks I should put my name and his name (and the other 4 december family bdays) on the invitation, but I don't think I am going to do that because I don't want people to feel obligated to bring a gift.
I totally get MIL drama! I would say, really consider whether alcohol is a priority. I am in the same boat-November birthdays, too many people, small house. I am looking at renting a clubhouse at a friends' condo community. It's hard to find a place that is inexpensive. In the future, you will probably be having parties at chuck e cheese and other kid friendly locations=no alcohol. So, I don't think the community center is a BAD idea and may be your best option. If alcohol is something you really want to have at this party, maybe look into a BYOB restaurant like a pizza/italian restaurant that has a party room or a VFW or firehouse. I don't know what other options are available.
But I think your MIL is overstepping her boundaries and in no way should she be able to plan a second party if it comes down to that option.
We've been having problems in our planning process too. No you aren't over reacting, they are your kids not hers! Don't give in!! I have to hold my ground to, for instance DD's party will be at our home which isn't large enough for all of the family so we are only inviting the people who see DD often, FMIL is p*ssed about this because 1. she feels all her brother's and sister's should be invited and 2. she doesn't think her mother will want to come because it's a 30min drive to our house. She then TOLD me that they would be doing there own party, for that side of the family. I basically told her to f*ck off, I do not like my FMIL and finally got sick of her pushing me around with DD. The way I look at it, Thanksgiving is the week before and xmas is 3 weeks later... it's not like no one is going to get a chance to see her and IMO a birthday party, at least for a young child, is time for all his/her family to come together and celebrate, not operat eon their own agendas because they don't like your plans!
Moral... don't back down. you are in the right 100%. let her be pissed, she'll get over it.
EW, you are definitely not over reacting! I would stick to your guns and have ONE party where you want to have it. We started planning our twin girls party as well and I also plan to sing to my husband and have a cake for him since his bday is a few days after the party so I too suggested maybe having drink there if people want. My mom snapped on me and was like "who has alcohol and a childs birthday party?" I see her point but still at the end of the day they are MY children and it's a party I"M planning so if we decide to have alcohol that's our choice not hers.