***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In!I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I'm trying to get out of this bad place I'm in and trying to figure out how I got there in an effort to not get back to this place again
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?To get out of this bad place
QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?There are so many!  I'd have to say top 3 - the fact that he was so good at farting that when we were in the NICU, when there was a shift change, the nurses actually mentioned that in the report.  He made noises in his sleep that made him sound like a sheep or a goat.  When trying to get him to breastfeed, a nurse showed up how to pump his arm.  My husband likes to make up words to songs so he took "Shake your Booty" and turned it into "suck the booby".  Actually ran into one of our favorite NICU nurses last week and she told me she still thinks about that song and remembers it.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Only 31 days till our Mediterranean cruise so trying to figure out what we still need to get to be ready for the trip and going out and getting it.  We actually leave on Corbin's birthday so also trying to figure out what to get him for gift and something special to do for his birthday
GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?Walking in the cool air with the leaves crunching under my feet and Thanksgiving dinner.

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No, I've been slipping back actually.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Getting through Brianna's angelversary in 11 more days and try to stay off of facebook next week since the day before it's my sister and BIL first anniversary and my sister makes a big to-do about it every month.
QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?During her a/s and with just regular appts whenever my belly was being pressed she would get angry and start pushing it away and kicking! She didn't want to be squashed!
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Saturday is my youngest ds bday and our anniversary, so massive house cleaning! And getting through Bri's bday 9 days after that...
GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?Taking walks and seeing all the trees change color.

Bayberry12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really, although I did pack up all my maternity clothes.  Five months after delivery, there is no reason for me to still be wearing them.  Even though, most of my old clothes don't fit.  I am not pregnant and should not be wearing maternity clothes.

 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

After a big blow-up/melt down last night, (I'll post details later) DH and I have to talk about what our next step is on this journey.  So my goal is to get a plan together and, try to have something to look forward to.  And get it all out in the open and make sure we are both on board.   

 

QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?

It still so hard to think about my pregnancy without crying and missing my baby and all the expectations I had.  But, I often think of our first ultrasound when we saw the heartbeat and knew it was for real this time.  

 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I just booked a 3 night getaway for our second anniversary, so looking forward to that, and researching attractions that are near by our hotel.

 

GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?

I used love haunted houses, and harvest festivals, hayrides.  But, not into that so much this year.    

jbranden12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?DH and I are doing really well, I am so thankful. We even dtd on Saturday and it had been a looong time...
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?*rainbow mentioned*Even though I am pg again, it is really difficult for me to see pregnancy announcements or pregnant women outside of my circle of loss mamas. I want to work on this. There's a baby shower for my mom's bff's daughter in November and I want to be able to go and be happy for her. 
QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?The weekend before she passed away, DH and I went on a babymoon to San Antonio. We were on top of the world. We were so in love with each other and with our baby and they were the best days of my life. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I had a rough morning today. Sunday is Patricia's 6 month angelversary. While I was thinking about what I wanted to do to honor her life, I realized that 6 months ago this morning, I was driving to my doc to get checked out since I hadn't felt her move the night before. When I got there we could not find a heartbeat and I had to call DH and tell him over the phone.
GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?Just being outside and not in sweltering heat!

buggirl72

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

This is week one for us. The day we made arrangements we also bought a bracelet with a letter z charm on it.  It makes me feel better to have something that is about Zachary with me at all times.  

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Finish a paper for school that was due the day I was admitted to the hospital. The next couple of days will be the big test on whether I can concentrate enough to keep my full course load or whether I will drop a couple of classes.  

QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?

His movement. He would lump up on the right side and it was so easy to feel where he was at. Our last non-hospital ultrasound was on 9/11. He was so incredibly active and the tech went picture crazy. We have this amazing one of his right hand pressed up to the screen. We plan on having that framed along with the footprints and handprints that the nurse at the hospital did for us.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Everything and nothing. Yesterday was hard because as soon as I stopped moving and doing something, I felt like my brain was just full of static and if I allowed any thought it would result in crying over Zachary. I spent most of the day in tears.  Today is about getting through today. It is my first day home alone and I need to start back on track with school. Not looking forward to Saturday which is our one week mark.  

GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?

Football. DH and I are both big fans and love spending all day Sunday watching games. Big part of our week has to do with planning what food we will have. This week we will probably make some retro chex mix - something my dad would do as a very special treat. I found the original recipe online so we are excited to do this.  

ILoveRedVino

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, not really.  I had a few rough days this week, but in general, every week is a bit better than the week before.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  We have decided where to spread ashes, but still haven't done it.  I think we will in the next few weeks, but that is really hard for me.  I think we just need to get up and go do it.  I won't regret it... but it is still hard.

QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born? I loved shopping for maternity clothes.  I loved my growing stomach, looking pregnant, the little thumps that I felt in my belly.  He died before birth, but I still loved holding him.  He was perfect.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Booking a trip for the week that Baby was due.  We will need to get away.

GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity? I love taking long walks when the leaves are changing colors.  There is something so peaceful and beautiful about it.

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. I started an antidepressant but did NOT like the way it made me feel, so I'm going to see my doctor about other options. I feel like I stepped back a lot this week; my due date was Monday, and I've just been down and out ever since.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I just want to make it through the first day back at work. I go back Monday and am ridiculously anxious to get on with life.

QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born? I loved feeling him move inside me. He wasn't as active as his older brother was, but those kicks meant the world to me. I loved being told I was a "cute pregnant woman" because he made me cute [if that makes sense]. I loved getting to hold him and to say good bye, to see that he had my nose and my husband's dark hair. I will cherish those moments forever.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I totally thought I was doing OK, that I would be OK. But then, a lot of sh!t hit the fan [my due date, getting ready to go back to work, issues with behavioral/learning testing for DS, being fully on my own for the first time in six weeks], and I've just fallen backwards again. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself and be OK with the fact that I'll have some days/weeks that I'll step backwards.

GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity? I am a very big sports fan and love going to football games in the fall. The crisp air, snuggling under my t-shirt blanket with a hot chocolate...fall night football games are the absolute best.

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Not really. Tuesday marked six months. My mother-in-law was the only one that even mentioned anything to me. 
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?My friend is hosting a birth story night with pregnancy loss mamas. I am debating whether to go because no one (besides my husband) actually knows my story. It might be good for my healing, though.
QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?Just how active she was. She hated having anything on her, so if I had my hand or a book or a plate on my stomach, she would kick it off!
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?The fact that she was born on the 25th means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be hard. Add to that, I will have a new niece/nephew, so I don't know how I am going to deal with those days.
GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?Everything! But if I had to pick one, it would be going to the fair. It has always been a sign of fall for me and a prelude to the holidays.

tracint

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I was having a very rough week about two weeks ago because the three month mark was coming up... but the DH and I went out to the cemetery and decorated for fall and spent some time together doing something for our daughter and it was nice and I felt better...not so hopeless.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve the goal?

I'm trying to lose weight (arent we all). I started some bi-weekly B12 shots for energy and the doctor prescribed some new vitamins to help get the weight loss going.

What are some of your best memories of your angel, while you were pg or after they were born?

like many of the other ladies my favorite times were when I could feel my little Edyn kicking. I felt little flutters and twitches around the 17th week, but on June 13th I felt the first full out kick... it was amazing I just laid on the couch and felt her moving for almost 2 hours!

What is on your mind this week?

LOTS! October is full of family and friends' birthdays, our first wedding anniversary is on the 15th which is also pregnancy loss awareness day so I need to figure out how to honor both occasions.

What is your favorite Fall activity?

typically I enjoyed outdoor activities and sports... nothing seems to spark my interest these days.  If anything I'm dreading the holidays, mostly because Edyn was due on Nov 4th so I was expecting her to be here for all of the festivities

dandywarhol

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?There must be something in the water for I, too, find myself slipping backwards and being in a bad place. I don't like it and I don't want to be here yet I'm not sure how to get out. It has been almost a year since we lost Sylvie and I haven't felt the need to speak to a therapist yet today I was seriously considering it. I just feel so lost and hopeless. 
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?No.
QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?I have guilt that I don't have a lot of memories with Sylvie (or Evie) because I tried to keep myself from bonding for fear of losing them and being in pain. And we all see how that turned out. But one of my favorite memories of being pregnant with Sylvie was, oddly enough, after the funeral of my great aunt who died peacefully at age 102. We were on a family walk through the woods on my cousin's property in Mass. and it was a beautiful fall day. I was sad over the loss of my great aunt but happy that she had lived such a long and interesting life. It was a gorgeous fall day and I was thankful for being pregnant and hopeful that Sylvie would have such a long and adventurous life as my great aunt. On that walk I stopped to pick up a little acorn to share with Sylvie after she was born to share with her the happiness I felt being pregnant and the memory of my great aunt. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?TTCAL, the possibility that I may never give birth to another live child, jealous of other pregnant ladies (including those with their rainbows) and trying to work through it all - all while being super stressed at work, trying to lose weight, and training for a 200 mile running relay race. 
GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?Going to the pumpkin farm with my nephew (now 6) has always been enjoyable. We are supposed to go this year but I don't know if I can handle being around so many happy families with children.  

7peasinapod

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I'm trying to write a list of 50 things I hope to accomplish in 2013 and a Bucket List.  Having something to look forward to helps me get through each day.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
My immediate goal is always to get through the day.  Other than that, nothing.

QOTW: What are some of your best memories of your angel(s), while you were pg or after they were born?
I loved my growing belly.  It started becoming noticeable to strangers at ~22 weeks.  I loved when people commented on my pregnancy.  I loved buying cute clothes to show off my belly - only fitted tops over here!  I was Team Green so when she was born, finding out that I had a daughter was probably the most awesome and saddest moment of my life.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Strangely, I've been overcome with thoughts of having another baby.  I've even decided I'll start my ttc journey March 2013.  We'll see... 

GTKY: What is your favourite Fall activity?
Going to football games and watching my students play.