February 2013 Moms
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Team Blue...Disappointed

Really wanting a girl and having a hard time dealing with it. I know I should be happy for healthy baby, but I haven't really connected with this pregnancy at all. I wanted so much for a girl. I have 2 boys and 1 girl.  He is measuring in the 85th percentile hopefully he levels out. We don't have any big boys in our family. Told him we have to try again for a girl til I get one. lol

 

Re: Team Blue...Disappointed

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    Sad I'm sorry!!!
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    seriously just be happy that your baby is healthy!
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    imageckalm5:
    seriously just be happy that your baby is healthy!

     

    I agree =] once you hold him it wont matter

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    Like you, I haven't really felt connected to this pregnancy yet.  I didn't have morning sickness or any other symptoms that screamed pregnant.  I'm afraid I will be upset about having a girl, but I've tried to tell myself that I will love the baby either way and I'm sure once I start feeling kicks, I won't be able to care less what the sex is.  Something that helped me was walking around the girl's section at Babies R Us.  It took me awhile to find something I liked (I think boy's stuff is SOO much cuter), but once I did, I bought it, just in case.  I can always give it as a gift later.  It helped me settle in to the fact that it might be a girl.  Maybe you can go buy him something that will be just his and help yourself get in to the boy mode?
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    I think in time you will feel a lot better.  Gender disappointment is common and I think once you hold him you will feel 10 times better.  :)
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    Married: 05/14/2011

    DS Was Born: 02/10/2013

    EDD: 10/19/2015

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    imagesnarlingkitty:

     I have 2 boys and 1 girl............. Told him we have to try again for a girl til I get one. lol

     

    Don't you already have a girl? Try not to be disapponted. I have 3 boys and they are awesome! Big Smile

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    Mom to 4 wonderful children: T(8), B(6) ,M(3), and A(1)
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    It's ok to feel disappointed at first.  I know when I found out that DS was a boy, I was sad, but after a few days I warmed to the fact and embraced that I would have a little boy.  It will all work out. :)

     

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    imagesnarlingkitty:

    Really wanting a girl and having a hard time dealing with it. I know I should be happy for healthy baby, but I haven't really connected with this pregnancy at all. I wanted so much for a girl. I have 2 boys and 1 girl. He is measuring in the 85th percentile hopefully he levels out. We don't have any big boys in our family. Told him we have to try again for a girl til I get one. lol

     

    So you already have one girl (not to mention two healthy boys) and that's not good enough? I'm sorry, but I think being disappointed about the sex of your baby is ridiculous. Maybe you should be thankful for the fact that your baby is healthy- I'm sure any of the women who have had to leave this board would give anything to be in your position right now. 

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    Just pray that the rest of your pregnancy is good and you have a very healthy little boy! It won't matter once he is here!
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    Hmm
    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
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    I was on this board and was supposed to be a February 2013 mom, but I experienced my second loss in July. I lurk here occasionally because I loved this BMB and like to see how some of the ladies I remember from my few short weeks here are doing. With that said, I understand that you are disappointed, but please try to keep in mind how blessed you are. I desperately want a take home baby and would be thrilled to have a pregnancy that is healthy, no matter what the gender. This is not meant to sound mean at all, I just want you to remember how fortunate you are to be pregnant. It truly is a blessing.

    TTC:Off BCP December 2011. BFP #1 January 16, 2012; EDD September 12, 2012; m/c Feb,1 2012. BFP #2 June 6, 2012; EDD February 11, 2013; diagnosed with blighted ovum/had D&C July 12,2012. BFP #3 October 20, 2012; EDD June 29, 2013. BabyFruit Ticker Sunshine_zps3fcf529f
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    I think it's okay to prefer one sex over the other, but you must be so thankful that you are being blessed with a 4th child.  I know many people that would do anything to be in your shoes.
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    People can't help how the feel. I went through this last week. I was really upset when I found out I was having a girl b/c I had built up this idea in mind about having a boy and that was what I wanted.  Obviously I only have myself to blame by having unrealistic expectations but within a day or two I was over it and so excited.

    I can understand people being frustrated that others are upset over the sex of their baby but the reality is that not everyone has been through the same experiences. It is those experiences that determine how we look at things.

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    imageJumpAroundBucky:
    imagesnarlingkitty:

    Really wanting a girl and having a hard time dealing with it. I know I should be happy for healthy baby, but I haven't really connected with this pregnancy at all. I wanted so much for a girl. I have 2 boys and 1 girl. He is measuring in the 85th percentile hopefully he levels out. We don't have any big boys in our family. Told him we have to try again for a girl til I get one. lol

     

    So you already have one girl (not to mention two healthy boys) and that's not good enough? I'm sorry, but I think being disappointed about the sex of your baby is ridiculous. Maybe you should be thankful for the fact that your baby is healthy- I'm sure any of the women who have had to leave this board would give anything to be in your position right now. 

     

    Yep. Agreed.

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    Gender disappointment is something that happens to many women. I know it will happen to me too at first if I am having a boy. I'm sure we will all get over after letting it sink in and getting excited about the possibilities of things that go along with the gender your baby is.

    For all those who have experienced a loss, I think I can speak for everyone when I say I am so so sorry you had to go through that. However, it definitely does not give anyone the right to call anyone else stupid. We all have our opinions and so far this board has been a safe place to express them without being flamed. I for one would like to keep it that way. Again, I'm so sad for anyone that has to go through any kind of loss. In the end we all want healthy babies, some just need some time to get used to the idea of a different dream.

    Just my two cents on keeping the peace on this board.
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    I was maybe disappointed for a split second only because my motherly "intuition" was wrong (and everyone else was right) but then I was so overjoyed at the sweet little boy I saw during my u/s on the screen & knowing I get to meet him in 4 months. I see it as my DD will be the only Princess in our home & I have two awesome boys that I get to wrestle with & rough house with!  I'm not trying to flame you, but you should remind yourself that it's always 50/50 on a baby's gender and a healthy baby is what's really important in the end. Smile

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    imagemishka29:

    People can't help how the feel. I went through this last week. I was really upset when I found out I was having a girl b/c I had built up this idea in mind about having a boy and that was what I wanted.  Obviously I only have myself to blame by having unrealistic expectations but within a day or two I was over it and so excited.

    I can understand people being frustrated that others are upset over the sex of their baby but the reality is that not everyone has been through the same experiences. It is those experiences that determine how we look at things.

    I agree.  We did one of the silly early blood tests that are supposed to tell you the gender.  I wanted a girl and the test said girl.  We had started planning on the girl, and when the u/s tech said boy at 20 weeks, I was stunned.  I was disappointed.  Was it rational to some, no.  Was it rational to me, yes.  It took me a few days to connect to my little boy, and get over it.  Does it mean that I love my son less, no.  I think he's amazing and I would NEVER change him.

    I liken the experience to Christmas morning and not getting something you *knew* you were going to get and really wanted.  Are you going to be bummed, probably, but is it appropriate for people to say, "Well at least you HAVE a Christmas, so you don't have any right to feel the way you do. Get over it"  

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    Sorry, but these gender disappointment posts really irk me, too. Be thankful for having what so many others want but can't have.
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    Deal with it and get over it!
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    imagemjr12:
    imagemishka29:

    People can't help how the feel. I went through this last week. I was really upset when I found out I was having a girl b/c I had built up this idea in mind about having a boy and that was what I wanted.  Obviously I only have myself to blame by having unrealistic expectations but within a day or two I was over it and so excited.


    I can understand people being frustrated that others are upset over the sex of their baby but the reality is that not everyone has been through the same experiences. It is those experiences that determine how we look at things.

    I agree.  We did one of the silly early blood tests that are supposed to tell you the gender.  I wanted a girl and the test said girl.  We had started planning on the girl, and when the u/s tech said boy at 20 weeks, I was stunned.  I was disappointed.  Was it rational to some, no.  Was it rational to me, yes.  It took me a few days to connect to my little boy, and get over it.  Does it mean that I love my son less, no.  I think he's amazing and I would NEVER change him.

    I liken the experience to Christmas morning and not getting something you *knew* you were going to get and really wanted.  Are you going to be bummed, probably, but is it appropriate for people to say, "Well at least you HAVE a Christmas, so you don't have any right to feel the way you do. Get over it"  



    All of this

    I've had 3 losses of my own, but when I read this I wasn't thinking, oh you should just be thankful that you're even pregnant. That is never something I feel toward anyone, no matter what their situation may be. It's only human to experience disappointment and she was just letting it out. I think this board is full of such nice mamas that most of us feel safe to share just about anything. Even random feelings that could very well change in an hour.
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    I was secretly hoping that this baby would be boy which he is but if it was another girl I would have been sad for my FI since he wanted a boy so bad. But healthy baby is all that matters!
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    imagechaci:


    All of this

    I've had 3 losses of my own, but when I read this I wasn't thinking, oh you should just be thankful that you're even pregnant. That is never something I feel toward anyone, no matter what their situation may be. It's only human to experience disappointment and she was just letting it out. I think this board is full of such nice mamas that most of us feel safe to share just about anything. Even random feelings that could very well change in an hour.


    This was what I was trying to say too. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the way my comment came out. I feel like this board is a good one to express how we're feeling even it's only for the moment. Random snarky comments make me feel less safe here even if they aren't directed at me. The "get over it" comments are what I know I'd get in real life so I'd come here to share my 30 seconds of "disappointment" knowing I'm not the only one to ever feel this.

    I know there are many many women out there who feel like this feeling is wrong and that's fine too but do you really have to come here and make people feel more guilty than they probably already feel for thinking this? Making mean comments isn't going to change the fact that it happened anyway.
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    Meh.  She's allowed to express some disappointment.  I'm sure once she sees her baby boy she will be happy.

    My older sister was the same way.  She already had two boys and a girl.  Growing up there were four girls in our family and sisters are a special part of our lives.  She wanted her daughter to have a sister and it was her last baby.  When she found out she was having a boy she was depressed for a while.  When she saw him she got over it and now she wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm sure it will be the same way for OP.

    I'm in the same boat as my sister right now.  1 girl and 2 boys.  I would love for my DD to have a sister, but don't really care if this one is a boy.  We may have more children in the future.  But if I knew for sure that this was my last one, I might get a little sad for DD if she didn't get a sister.

    Also, being disappointed doesn't mean the OP isn't happy to have a healthy baby.  

        
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    I have experienced loss and I have experienced two beautiful healthy babies.  That being said I think it is judgmental and rude to judge someone based on what they are disappointed about.  Coming back to lurk on the board to judge someone for feeling something that is VERY common because they aren't experience the same things as you? 

     To the OP, It is totally normal!  I experienced something similar when I found out we were having a boy this time.  Not to the same extent, but there was some disappointment. My son has been so challenging that i worry about my abilities to take care of another boy (he is 6 now). something that made me feel better was that my daughter will continue to be the only princess in the house, which she will love.  Good luck, and it does wear off.  It is totally normal!  When I really wanted a girl and had my daughter I was STILL worried about it wished I was having a boy sometimes because I already "knew boys".

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    imagemoosegal:
    Sorry, but these gender disappointment posts really irk me, too. Be thankful for having what so many others want but can't have.

    THIS.... All I can think when I see these posts is about my best friend who is TTCAL. Her thyroid is keeping her from conceiving right now and every month that goes by leaves her devastated. This post, like other disappointment gender posts make it really hard not to make a snarky comment.  

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    It took us three years to conceive- every month that went by more and more of a disappointment/heartbreak. I understand everyone's reactions are shaped by what they know and have experienced, and this is exactly why some people get offended by the gender posts.  Even if this is something you feel, I think it's better to keep it to yourself personally.  There are some women on this board who have already been given the news that their pregnancies are compromised and that they may not have a healthy baby. Countless other women have had to leave the board completely.  Reading other people complain about what gender their baby is probably seems like a slap in the face. To me, it's just one of those "politically incorrect" things you just don't say on a board where so many people could take it sensitively. To OP- try to let it go and be happy you already have 3 children and 1 on the way.  That is a huge blessing!
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