Mlf/skyejo/bedsharers

TAGSL710

OK, Jack literally won't sleep at night in his swing, rnp, bouncy or pnp...even if I edge those up to my bed and with the rnp I even sleep on the edge of it so he can hear my breathing. If I bring him into bed with me he's out instantly. He likes to be facing me on his side with his head in the crook on my elbow. Anyway, I tried researching safe bed sharing but it scared me pretty bad. Can you gals answer some questions for me:

1. Should I swaddle him or no [I've read it doesn't let them alert us]?

2. Paci or no?

3. Can he be on his side and or laying on my arm?

4. Do you use a pillow or blanket?

5. What's on the edge of your bed to keep LO from rolling out?

6. Any other advice?

damabo80

I bed shared with DD for a year. I didn't need to swaddle her until she was 3m adjusted. Then I swaddled from 3m to 9m when she started crawling.

She never took a paci. Hated it. I was her paci.

When she couldn't move, I just put a pillow between her and the edge of the bed. Then I got a toddler rail. Then I put the mattress on the floor.

Regarding the sleeping positions, it's whatever worked. As she got older, the positions changed.

terri_doula2010

DS has spent part or all of most of his 2.5 years worth of nights with at least one of us. When he was tiny he always slept with me, and then even when we moved him elsewhere, he'd end up with me eventually.

1. I swaddled DS as needed. Same with DD. My memory is fuzzy but I think I would try to start DS out in his swing or something, swaddled. When he came to me we'd often leave the swaddle off, but not always.

2. DS never took a paci. DD sometimes does, but not when she sleeps with me, because she generally falls asleep while nursing and remains happily asleep as long as she is pressed up against me.

3.  DS always slept on his side with me, now DD does as well. I start out sidelying and we both fall asleep. She can breathe just fine and after years of sleeping with DS I'm not at all worried about DH or I rolling onto her. I'm always aware of her and so is DH. Often I'll wake up after she is no longer nursing. Half the time she has moved her head sideways, freeing up her nose even more. At this point (either way), I turn over on my back and move away from her a little, with my arm raised. This way she stays asleep but I'm more comfy and more away from her face.

4. I use a pillow and my blanket comes up to my waist. I also still use my body pillow, but when she is in bed with me it is smushed down to my waist. I bought a few long sleeve fitted shirts in 2 sizes too small (1 size may work...depends ont he difference between boob size and body size) and cut the whole chest area out. There is a snug band around my chest, my back and arms are entirely covered. This helps me stay warm. In order not to leak on her from my top boob, I always have a receiving blanket (doubled over) tucked between my boobs and tucked under my arm (to keep it snug). This works for me...I think it again would depend on boob size. It has an added benefit in keeping my top boob warm. 

With DS I couldn't figure out how to sidelie without smothering him in boob (so much is easier 2nd time around). I had an LC/Midwifery assistant come to my house for a checkup after my hospital stay (since I was planning on birth center birth instead of c-section), and she helped me figure out what worked for us. I had to use a body pillow under my boob, and then lay him on the pillow, leaned into me. It was scary to think about using a pillow that way, but I was holding him, he could breathe well, he couldn't turn over or move without bothering me enough to wake up. It was perfect for us.

 

5. Right now rolling out of bed isn't a problem. With DS it wasn't a problem for a long time because of the way we slept - he was stuck. When he was rolling over and starting to army crawl, I got a bed rail for my side of the bed just in case he got away from me. 

This time, we've attached the crib to our bed in a sidecar. If she rolls away from me, she'll just roll into her crib...so no big deal.

6. Follow the guidelines but also your instincts. For instance, my H is a light sleeper and has always been in tuned enough to sleep with the babies for a few hours at a time. Only you (and your partner) know if that is the case for you. Only you know how aware you are of your LO while you sleep. If bedsharing is the only way either of you is getting sleep and it works for you, then great! Just be careful.

Also, expect your pedi to tell you you shouldn't bedshare. Some just tell you they have to tell you not to, some become hostile, and everything in between. I don't personally think it is any of their business. People have been bedsharing since the beginning of time and it has only been frowned upon in recent decades.

And not to be cynical, but babies sometimes die in their crib all by themselves when you are doing everything "by the book."

jlh2716

1. I don't know the answer to that one, I'm sure I read something about it, but DD absolutely hates to be swaddled, so it's a moot point.

2. I don't think a paci would make a difference; I don't recall reading anything saying that bed-sharing with a paci is a no-no, but I have read that it might help prevent SIDS. We don't use a paci.

3. DD has always slept on her side, and she always faces me (she's a snuggler), so I can always feel her breath on my skin. And I'm a light sleeper, so I'm always aware of her. I just make sure there is nothing she can wind up with in her face.

4. I do sleep with a pillow; I position DD so that her face is even with my breasts (also makes for easier bf'ing), so she's never anywhere near my pillow. And no, I don't sleep with covers, though I do have a bedsheet over my legs/hips. I also have a pillow supporting my back.

5. We have the bed pushed up against the wall; she always sleeps between me and the wall, though we're sleeping dead-center in the bed, so she's nowhere near it.

6. Only advice I can give you is to follow the safety guidelines for bed-sharing as closely as possible if you decide to do it. And if you're uncomfortable with it, maybe look into a sleeper you can take to bed with you, like the Summer By Your Side sleeper  (which we have for when DH sleeps with us) or the Snuggle Nest.

bdbelladonna

I never swaddled when mine co-slept, havent so far with this one.

I never had to give a paci when co-sleeping. When DD1 was in her crib I would give a paci to try to keep her there.

Positioning what ever works for you and baby. I still use(d) my pillow and blanket. I just keep baby below the pillow and the blanket over my lower half. If I got cold I put a sweater on.

LO sleeps between me and DH so they aren't going anywhere. When its just me and baby I used a body pillow then bed rails.

JessAndTrav

LO has no problem alerting us when he's swaddled. For the most part, he sleeps in his RNP while swaddled, but not always. There are times though where he sleeps in our bed. We put him between H and I so that he can't roll out, and he usually ends up sleeping more on his side than his back. 

I don't sleep as soundly when he's in the bed with us. I use pillows and blankets when he's in bed with us, but I just scoot down long enough so that the baby isn't covered by our blankets, just by his that he's swaddled in. We also let him sleep with his paci, but he spits it out when he's done. 

mlf625

DD spends about 80% of the night bedsharing, and the other 20% or so in her RNP.  It's just how sleeps best (she STTN more often than not), and I love the snuggle time as well.

1. I swaddle DD in a Halo.

2. Sometimes paci, sometimes no- I always offer it and she takes it about half the time.

3. DD does tend to make her way onto her side, and sleeps under the crook of my arm.

4. I have a pillow up by my head, DD is down at my side.  I do cover up to my waist with a sheet and light blanket.

5. Nothing yet.  She doesn't move at all during the night.  When she starts moving is probably when I'll start having her spend more of her night in the RNP (or her crib).

6. Follow your instincts.  I feel totally safe bedsharing with her because I sleep VERY lightly (can hear my other kids on the other side of the house if they so much as sneeze) and neither of us move at all during the night. 

 

mlf625

terri_doula2010:

Also, expect your pedi to tell you you shouldn't bedshare. Some just tell you they have to tell you not to, some become hostile, and everything in between. I don't personally think it is any of their business. People have been bedsharing since the beginning of time and it has only been frowned upon in recent decades.

And not to be cynical, but babies sometimes die in their crib all by themselves when you are doing everything "by the book."

A double amen to this.  Here's how my conversations went with the pedi with the other babies.  Pedi: "own crib, own room?" Me: "oh, yes."  It's none of their business. 

jlh2716

mlf625:

terri_doula2010:

Also, expect your pedi to tell you you shouldn't bedshare. Some just tell you they have to tell you not to, some become hostile, and everything in between. I don't personally think it is any of their business. People have been bedsharing since the beginning of time and it has only been frowned upon in recent decades.

And not to be cynical, but babies sometimes die in their crib all by themselves when you are doing everything "by the book."

A double amen to this.  Here's how my conversations went with the pedi with the other babies.  Pedi: "own crib, own room?" Me: "oh, yes."  It's none of their business. 

Exactly this!