need advice re: daycare

jaime*iowa

I was a work-at-home mom until August.  At that time, I found an in-home provider for my 4 y/o and 2 y/o boys.  I felt fortunate in that my provider could bring my 4 y/o son to afternoon preschool at our church in town.  We just moved to this small town, so I didn't know my provider beforehand. I found her on craigslist and checked her references.  I have been relatively happy with her.  The boys really like going there. 

So anyway...When I first met her, s he mentioned a son. But after a few weeks I hadn't met him and I got suspicious about his whereabouts. I decided to check with our state's online court filings.  I found out that her son had been sent away to a boys training school.  That bothered me.. but at least he wasn't here, right!? So I never asked her about him. 

On Monday, the son was home.  I saw him for the first time.  I was confused about why he was suddenly home so I did some more research.  I found out that he's 16.  He was sent away four years ago for 1) harassment and 2) assault with bodily injury on a girl apparently. she had a no-contact order against him afterwards.  He was apparently transferred from one training school to another.  He was later charged with 3rd degree burglary and assault on a peace officer.  and then as of 10/31/08 he was released back to the custody of his parents.  UGH.  so now he is living at home.
 
What's worse is that tonight I finally got the nerve to ask her about him.  I "played dumb" and told her that I had never met her son and forgot she had a son until I saw him this week for the first time.  She lied and told me that he has been living with grandma and decided to move back home. 

I'm just sick to my stomach about this.  I don't know what to do.  It's hard to find an in-home provider in our town that would be able to bring my 4 y/o to his afternoon preschool at the church.  So....I spent all day  calling local daycare centers (w/ preschool curriculum).  I finally found one that would have 2 openings for my boys.  I feel like I need to pull them out of the in-home provider, but I know this is going to be a big disruption for them/us.  I know my son will miss his preschool and the new center they would be attending would be in another town- not as convenient. 

I think the center-style daycare will be beneficial for my kids.  Esp my 4 y/o because he needs some help with speech.  But I'm just nervous about making such a change. AND what's worse, is that my DH thinks I'm being "paranoid" and ridiculous.  But I've talked to my mother, sister, MIL and coworkers and they tell me to go with my gut feeling.

Am I being paranoid about the son and his behavioral problems?  Would you keep your kids there?  please help!!

 

 

ilovemygirls

I'm right with you on this one- that would be a huge concern.  Especially because she was not up-front with you about it!  Since you found a center that has openings & you also think it would be good for them in that type of setting, go for it.  You have to trust your gut...

Bride2b2004

Are you KIDDING?  NO, you aren't "paranoid," you are a concerned mother.  I would pull them out quicker than you can blink an eye.  NEVER send your children anywhere you feel in your gut is not the best place for them.  I agree with everything you said and also, not mentioned in your post, if her young son has so many problems and he is sent away, doesn't that reflect on her parenting skills?  Not really a recommendation is it?  I wish you the best of luck finding someone that makes you feel completely happy and secure in the care for your children, it isn't always easy but it is worth the search.

MrsJLK

I would be out of there in a heartbeat!  We recently moved DD to another preschool due to having issues with the one she was at and she didn't even care!  Her first day was last Monday, and she did great!  Hopefully your boys will, too.  GL.

HisBetterHalf

The fact that she "lied" to you about where he was would be reason enough for me to pull my children from there.  I don't think you are being paranoid at all.  You need to go with your gut and get them out of there.  Can you take any time off of work until you can figure out a more perfect situation?  I really hope you figure it out and I hope you find a solution that works for your family.

Temp374386125003286

Pull them!  This is ridiculous- she lied about the situation.  Maybe if she was up front with you and you guys came up with a plan for him being there etc. but she isn't being trust worthy and I don't think you can feel good about your boys being there.

LanaM

you're not paranoid. Go with your gut feeling. I would not feel secure.

happy_momma

I'd be out of there.  If she had been honest and explained how things were being handled in a way that convinced me the kids were not at risk, then MAYBE I'd have stayed, but lying about such an important issue would make it a no brainer for me to decide that it was no longer an option.

Change is always hard, but sometimes it's necessary. It be rough initially, but the kids will adjust and learn to love the new daycare.

krub

The fact that she wouldn't be able to get a daycare license with her son living there speaks volumes to me.  If she is licensed, then her license would probably be revoked if the state knew he was living at home. 

I think you're doing the right thing.  It will be tough on your kids, but give it 6-8 weeks and they will be doing great at the new place. 

luluroo

Don't even think twice about it, take them out.  They will adjust.  The situation just seems way too shady!