CO question
Jbosarge85
member
I don't know if many of you will remember my back story but pretty much I unfortunately am stuck at the moment living with my mil and 17 year old sil. My DH and I are trying to get out but once we had enough money I lost my job, so it's taking a bit to build up a savings again. Anyway, SIL hits SS all the time and we have to stop her or tell her not to, and MIL always threatens to slap his face. It's not a good situation, I'm afraid for him all the time not to mention the baby on the way.
My family lives in another state and they want us to move back there where the economy is way better. I want to but that would mean us only getting SS during the summer which would not be ideal but my question is I'm afraid his bm would drop him off at my MILs house during the time when she has him. She likes to go out and get drunk and so she would drop him off to be able to do that. Can we put in the co that he's not allowed to be around MIL or SIL unless it's supervised? And how would we enforce it? TIA
Re: CO question
They can not spacifically be included in the CO unless the court feels SS is in enough danger around them, however if that is the case and you two live with them then you and your H will be denied visitation. Now you are able to state that your H has to be around while SS is there, but the only people really allowed to be listed in a CO is the mother father and children, no one else.
Why can't you guys go to the court and get some info about what you can do since that poor child is either in danger with you guys or the BM? It sounds like it would be ideal for you guys to have sole custody and be able to move. Also isn't there some things you can cancel out on to make living cheaper to the point where you could just move.
With a family like your husbands I would have dropped all contact a long time ago.
He told them nobody is allowed to hit SS at all. it's hard because they lie about hitting him. I walked in on SIL hitting him with plastic golf clubs while she had put him in the corner and tried to lie straight to my face. I tried after that to keep him in my site all the time but he's 8 it's a hard thing to do. He didn't want to stay put in one place which I understand and I felt weird following him.
If there were things we could cut out I would. We don't have cable of any kind and we don't have internet I go to the library and use theirs. Pretty much money is used on gas, child support, and food, and not eating out I mean food bought at the store and prepared. DH had a job that paid min wage and only let him work 30-35 hours a week, he just got a better job pays more and is full time, he just started this week so I'm hoping that check will give us enough to put money aside. I've also been applying for jobs but we are a one car family so it has to be something I can walk to, it's difficult to say the least
there are options. I hate for my first thing I suggest is the government but it seems like you have been doing your best to try to get out of an awful situation. If you have the money to go back to court to revise the CO then you should just use that money to move out.
there is housing assistance, foodstamps, wic, job placement centers etc. (most of these would obviously be temporary until you get on your feet) you need to get that child out of that environment. period.
if SS knows that SIL or whoever hits him, and that you/ DH can protect him, why does he even want to wander out of your sight?
Wow that is heart breaking. I am so sorry. I guess at this point all you can do is watch the IL's with EXTREMELY close eyes. Kids are a privilege and to see them not be treated as such pisses me off. Those b*tches don't deserve any contact with him at all. I would go as far as to get a restraining order when you get out of there...if that is possible.
Is there anyone at all that you can reach out to that would be willing to help.
Well, I'm waiting to get his check from his new job to see what the amount is but I'm afraid we'll probably have to do subsidizing housing for a while till I can get a job too. He goes out of our site cause he has a hard time sitting still. He's autistic and I think a little ADD. So he gets distracted a lot.
It has been hard, and it pisses me off too. Maybe I'm more sensitive to it because my uncle died from being "punished" with a belt, it ruptured his kidneys. And so growing up we had the "sit on your hands" policy, absolutely no hitting and I feel it's unnecessary. But apparently, at least according to DH, MIL thinks that hitting is part of child raising. And the weird thing is she left SILs dad because she told MIL that he was hitting and choking her. And yet they both hit.... I just know none of them will be alone with my daughter after she is born, and once we move out not alone with SS either
Well, when he told her that nobody is allowed to hit him she blew up at him and was like "fine you discipline him" and he said ok that's my job and made him go to his room for a time out. And then they started fighting about whether or not BM hits him at her house, to which he responded that what she does at her house is her business but at ours there will be no hitting. We just caught him being hit last time we had him, so we are doing what we can since discovering it. I don't know what more he is expected to do.....
In your OP you say that 17 y/o SIL hits SS, "all the time". You've caught her on one occasion (golf clubs), and DH caught her this last time...how many other times has she (or MIL) been caught? And what you can do is
#1 stop taking your visitation until you can move out. Or on your visitation weekends, take SS to a hotel or don't do overnights, just have him during the day and go do something out of the house.
#2 PRESS CHARGES ON THE PERSON (PEOPLE) WHO ARE HARMING YOUR CHILD (DH'S child). I mean, for real, step up and tell them this is unacceptable behavior, an if it is not stopped you will go to the authorities (which may result in #1 happening anyway).
#3, Don't "feel weird" following him around the house....DO IT TO PROTECT HIM FROM BEING ABUSED.
I am trying to understand your DH willingly moving away from his child!!!