Sister In law and myself are pregnant at the same time

MamaCrown3

So let me start off by saying I know that I am writing this on the wrong board and you will soon see why. I really couldn't post it on the May 2013 board. My husband and I are married and I have a son 7 from a previous relationship and my husband and I have a 18 month old daughter. We got married in July after a long courtship and I decided that I don't want children after 30. I am 28. So we started trying for our LAST child. I am now due May 24th. Sunday my Inlaws came over for a dinner party. At dinner my husbands brother announced that they are expecting a child and is due May 5th. We are so thrilled for them since this will be their first child. After everyone left my husband and I sat down and talked and decided that we don't want to steal ANYONES thunder by announcing it just yet to the whole family. I decided the next morning I should let my sister in law know what is going on, that I was also due in May, this way its not such a complete shock when we reveal our pregnancy in the same month months from now. She did NOT take the news lightly. Her husband is pissed off. He expressed that he feels like because our children are going to be born in May that people are going to have trouble with undivided attention for each baby. Did they forget that I already have 2 children who get equal attention from my husbands side of the family? Her husband is very all about me me me. So this burst his bubble. He is holding onto many grudges with my husband, things that happened when they were children. I think its "middle child syndrome". I felt like a complete a-hole for even being pregnant. I told my sister in law that we aren't going to tell anyone until we have to and that we aren't planning on any big celebrations because I don't want to take away from their moment. I talked to my best friend about what I should do or feel and she basically told me that they are being immature and should be nothing but happy for us because thats how I feel for them. My best friend is ALSO pregnant in May. May 9th to be exact. While I was pregnant with my youngest she was also pregnant with her first daughter. She said that she loves being pregnant with me because she knows that I'm going through the same things she is and we can share this with each other. My mother in law particularly has expressed that its "too soon" for us to be having anymore children right now multiple times so I know the news to her will be a shock.I just keep imagining her blowing up too saying that what we are doing to brother and sister in law is wrong. They have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and it hadn't happened. Why do I have to wait for someone else to have a child before I can enjoy having my LAST child.  So the reason Im writing this on here is because I obviously can't express my feelings on the May board because my sister in law would read it and Im trying to keep the peace as much as possible.  I feel like I can only celebrate and share this baby with my side of the family because no matter what I do I will be compared or looked at as a thunder stealer from my husbands side. 

MrsL1022

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 

I agree that your BIL and SIL are being total jerks about the whole thing. I also don't think that you should tip toe around them like you and your DH did anything wrong by getting pg b/c that just makes THEM think they are entitled to feel like you are stealing their thunder. 

The reality of the situation is this is their 1st and this is your last baby. SIL will have a shower, maybe you will have a 'sprinkle' she is going to have the same pregnancy experience whether you were pg in the same time frame or not. Her baby will be celebrated the way 1st babies are celebrated, b/c her family/ friends will make sure of it. If I were her I'd be SO thrilled that I had someone to go through the pregnancy with and even more thrilled that my baby will have a cousin the same age.

I think it's total bull$hit when people get mad at things like being pg the same time as another family member b/c it's going to 'steal their thunder' and I think it's worse when family members get mad that 2 babies are being expected at the same time. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope everyone can grow up and celebrate that May is going to be a wonderful month for your whole extended family.

I hope they curb their crappy behavior.  

kcisthebombdotcom

Congrats on your pregnancy.

All I have to say is I'm kind of sad two people so self-centered are bringing a child into this world and I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that. I would say that I hope they come around, but it will likely be a lifetime of competing for attention. I hope you can look past their insanity and enjoy your final pregnancy.

eaglesfan700

I think you should tell your SIL everything you wrote here.  By the way, just because you didn't write it on the May board doesn't mean she won't see it.

How can someone possibly be mad at you for something like this?  What does your DH say about all this?  I would just let everyone know privately instead of some big announcement and if anyone isn't thrilled for you, I would end the conversation right there

Spin313

They are being ridiculous.

That said, I think you are doing a disservice to yourself by keeping your pregnancy quiet...it makes it seem like you think you are doing something wrong.

penguingrrl

Congratulations on  your pregnancy! I can't believe your SILs reaction. I would think it's great news that the cousins will be so close in age! In fact, a cousin I'm very close to is due 10 days after me and we're so excited that we're having babies together. Who cares if they won't get undivided attention, they won't anyway (I'm due with #3, she's due with #2) and they'll have a buddy for life! I'm sorry BIL is acting so immature and can't see this wonderful news for what it is!

Dochas

Have you spoken to your SIL?  The only mention of a reaction was from the BIL so I'm hoping she doesn't feel the same way.  Or that at least everyone won't take it out on her.

Lil Kate

Celebrarte the fact that you are going to ahve a baby....my sister andI had babies 6 months apart and it is amazing!  I love how close the boys are now.  They are just going to have to get over it.  I wouldn't downplay yur excitement or anything just because they aren't happy with it.  I would probably wait a bit to announce but don't downplay it for them.

smerka

Why don't you just volunteer to have an abortion?  (sarcasm font) I mean this completely ridiculous.  if they've been trying for two years, you had no way of knowing when they would get pregnant so what were you supposed to do?  Put your life on hold?  Enjoy your pregnancy, be happy for your SIL, and move on like an adult.

ariel06

Ignore them.  DS1 and my niece are 6 weeks apart.  It's so great having kids the same age.  BIL needs to get over himself.  People can't plan their lives around when other people are having life events.  

toadstool

I think they are being crazy. I know a family that has two adult siblings who had two consecutive pregnancys that were due the same month. It happens. I'm guessing your SIL feels like she waited for this for so long and now she wants it to be perfect. She is so wrapped up in herself that she can't see that it will still be perfect.

KmfMjf1024

Every time I see a post like this I'm tempted to comment, and finally I'm giving in today. Anyone besides my husband or my doctor with an opinion about when I get pregnant would be promptly told to eff off, family or not. Beyond the straight up nerve of thinking they have any hand in these decisions, it is stupid to take it for granted that a woman can just get pregnant whatever month they choose. Yes, sometimes that works, but others try for months and have the test turn up positive when they least expect it. Others can never get pregnant no matter how hard they try and how hard they want it. So instead of this ridiculous behavior they should be counting their blessings that the family is growing, and look forward to May as a wonderful time for the whole family.

HarrietNJMommy

KC_13:

Congrats on your pregnancy.

All I have to say is I'm kind of sad two people so self-centered are bringing a child into this world and I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that. I would say that I hope they come around, but it will likely be a lifetime of competing for attention. I hope you can look past their insanity and enjoy your final pregnancy.

This. 

Que*Syrah

People can be such immature jerks! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope things with your BIL/SIL get better!

shibby00

Well clearly OP didn't get the memo that only BIL and SIL are allowed to be KU during the next 9 months. What immature jerks.

martha919

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. They are being ridiculous--as if you DID this TO them?! Whatever! My cousin is due six weeks after me and told the family way before we did, so when we "came out" I was worried about the same thing happening (my fam is very gossipy and my aunts and uncles all basically hate my mom...for no reason, so we're the black sheep), but thankfully it's been fine. If I were you, I would just proceed as you would if your ILs were not being jerks. Announce when you were going to announce, talk about baby how you would normally, whatever. Because, at the end of the day, you can do nothing about their feelings and it sounds like they'll continue to choose to be ridiculous.

jnjmommy0609

To me this whole thunder thing is bs. Each and every single child out there is special. Adults need to realize that. Including you and your husband. Your baby is special and it isn't your fault you have brats for in laws. I would just take up the opportunity to celebrate it together. Clearly not with your SIL because she is being a brat but people need to quit worrying about things like this.

 

Instead of worrying about stealing their thunder announce your pregnancy and then do something to make it known you find it great that she is pregnant. 

ktsnshn

Good lord, they need to grow up! My SIL and I were due three weeks apart with our first babies. We both new the other was hoping to get pregnant soon, so it was not a surprise for either of us when I announced and she announced a few weeks later. Our kids ended up being born 5.5 weeks apart because DS was early and her DD was late. It has been super fun having our kids so close together in age and I am pretty sure no one has suffered for any attention. I hope they grow up and can celebrate how fun it will be to have cousins so close together in age.

MesmrEwe

On my side of the family, myself and SILs all had a baby within 6mo of eachother, I'm not going to kid, I did feel kind of off with the SIL who had an early induction (she was "done" with the PG and they were an hour from the hospital and the doc offered it)the week of my baby shower back home, but still, I got over the hormones pretty quick because you just don't get control over some things. IMO, just tell people when you'd originally planned to and forget about BIL/SIL's feelings of being PO'd on this because you never know, they could do the announcing for you.. Seriously, do they forget that even if you're trying you really don't have control over when you actually get PG and you've taken a mature approach to wanting to be done with having kids before you turn 30. It's a lot easier when you're younger than each year you get older (night and day between DD & DS for being 28 vs. 35!!)..

Notwifezilla7

I honestly they grow up a lot before their baby comes. 

You have every right to post on the May 2013 board, to scream it from the rooftops is you so desire. Your PG, regardless of what other members of your family have said, was wanted and welcomed and should be felt by all the same way. 

 

ta78

Talk to your SIL about how great it will be for your kids to be so close in age and that you are excited to be able to share pregnancy stories with each other.

My SIL is due 4 weeks before me right now and we are both thrilled to have babies at the same time. As are DH's parents. 

You are going to have to let everyone know sometime.. and you should be able to enjoy this time not dread it.

brownie123

My oldest DD and my nephew are 8 weeks apart.  It was great being pregnant at the same time as my SIL; and the kids get along great. 

My only thing was - and call me immature - was that I wanted my own baby shower, and not a combined one, as DD was my first and my nephew was the 3rd LO for my brother & SIL.  

But - I was thrilled for them, not upset!  That's ridiculous.  

sbevmc09

Wow... yeah, that's really rude of them and they definitely have no basis to feel offended in any way. I'm sorry

When I was pregnant with DS (my first) my SIL (MH's brother's wife) was pregnant with her 3rd.  I actually thought it was really fun being pregnant together and I love that the kids are only 1 week apart in age!  It never crossed my mind to have negative feelings about it.

With this pregnancy my sister and I are both pregnant with our 2nd babies.  We're due 10 weeks apart.  Again, I think it's fun being pregnant together and I'm looking forward to this LO having a cousin so close in age.  

I guess I'm not capable of being pregnant alone.  People need to stop stealing my thunder!  :P

lisamoe

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Honestly, I think its very nice of you to be concerned of others feelings in this situation.  I think you've been more than respectful regarding your happy announcement--I also think now its time for you to be happy and do what you want to do regarding announcing your pg.

If people have issues dividing attention between new babies-thats their problem-a horrible one at that!  That shouldn't even be a thought in someones mind in my opinion.  Your BIL and SIL need to work on maturity issues, obviously.  Don't make their issues and insecurites your issues.  BE HAPPY, you deserve it just as much as anyone.  Babies are all blessings!

AOrpin

Your ILs sound just like mine! Telling us we weren't ready to have my daughter and that we should have waited (she was unplanned, but we love her just the same).  You have every right to get pregnant when you want and to raise that child however you and your husband feel you should.  The way I see it you got pregnant BEFORE they announced it, so it's not like you went "Oh they are having a baby so I want to steal their thunder and have one too!"  You couldn't help that you got pregnant the same month they did so relax and enjoy being pregnant! It's truly a gift and no one should take that excitement away from you!