WTF callback

Trippleb

Wednesday night we spoke to our RE about our two failed IVF cycles at their clinic.  He felt that things went pretty optimal and that it's down to finding the right egg.  Which of course being AMA may take a number of tries. 

We discussed with him that we are OOP and how we can't just keep doing IVF's.  He looked at MH's hormone levels and said he was an ideal candidate to go on Clomid to boast his Testosterone levels.  I love the idea of improving MH's number but I am a little apprehensive since no other RE or a Urologist has suggested this.  Another RE once said his numbers  were low, but looking at his numbers combined, it's just where his body naturally likes to be at.    The old RE said based on MH's physical appearance he didn't need to be treated.   Worries me a bit because the new RE has never seen us in person.  I will ask that they monitor his levels closely.

In the mean time he suggested we give an IUI a shot and we could do some TI medicated cycles.  I've been doing Letrzole on my break cycles with my Napro Dr. but she is very hard to get in with and she hasn't been really monitoring me.  I read somewhere that a sign of LUFS is that your LH stays high during your luteal phase.  I've had this happen on a couple of occassions and would really prefer to be monitored and possibly triggered to ensure ovulation.

We also discussed my thyroid.  Is was checked back in June.  Tsh came in at 2.23.  My RE wil prescribe meds to lower it but we decided to have it rechecked first.

Monday will be cd 9 so I go for BW/US to see where things are at.  Depending on follicle growth my RE may add in a very low stim right at the end.  At that point we will decide if we want to try an IUI.

In the mean time I've sent an application into an Adoption agency, started looking at DE databases and hoping to attend an Adoption meeting in the next two weeks.  There is one tomorrow but the agency hasn't gotten back to me yet so we might have to wait until the next meeting on the 25th.

 

 

Mrs.McIrish

Hi hon,

He told me the same thing- just keep trying for the right egg. At the end of the day, I also can't just keep traveling for IVF every other month and for you, being OOP, that is an entirely different animal. What if that egg never comes? That helped me decide to try DE.

Wishing you luck on all the different avenues you are are exploring.

Trippleb

Thanks McIrish.  DE scares me.  I've seen way to many bfns.  I just don't know if I have the next step in me.    IF has taken over my lfe. I just don't know who I am anymore.

You know how some people say they just know they will be a mom someday, or they have dreams about babies.  This has never happened to me.  I had one dream about a baby once.  I dreamt that I was in a school auditorium and I was asked to hold a baby during a presentation.  Then I had to get up an speak so I handed the baby to the person sitting next to me.  When I came back they handed me a different baby and I got extremely upset, I started running around looking for my baby.   The babies in the dream were a different race so I know I wasn't dreaming about my own future baby.  

DH wants to do one more ivf.  (He says this everytime) and it isn't helping  to move on when my eggs and response seems to be improving.   I'm willing to do one more.  I feel like the endo is still cleaned out so my best chances are right now. I won't do anymore Laps though.  When the endo comes back I am done without a doubt.

 

NMscubagirl

((hugs)) sorry sweety

Mrs.McIrish

I hope you didn't think I was suggesting you do DE!  I was just saying for me-- that I was ready. I truly have feel better about life since making this decision. I know it isn't for everyone and certainly not guaranteed to work. I'm scared the fall into the abyss following a DE failure will be even more damaging for me than any of my OE IVFs ever were. I hope I can climb out if it happens. 

I've also never had a good looking 8 cell like you did.  I would have tried again if I ever had something that looked good. A 5 cell with 90% frag was the best I ever got so it was easier for me to walk away.

For what it is worth, I don't dream of babies either. In fact, I didn't even think I wanted to have any kids until I met DH at 33. Most peoples' kids annoy me. My mom always said it was different when they were your "own".  Throwing DE into the mix and I do get scared since the baby won't be bio. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing this treatment just because someone told me I can't have a baby...

 

Trippleb

Mrs.McIrish:

"

I hope you didn't think I was suggesting you do DE! 

No worries.   DE It's the logical next step, it was suggested to us after our 1st IVF. 

I just don't know if we even stand a chance to find a match.  How many albino egg donors with (hopefully) better eye sight then I have are out there?  Not many I'm guessing.

I feel the exact same way with a lot of the things you wrote.  The being more damaging then OE and the the thoughts that being told "you can't" is the driving force to move forward.  When I started TTC at 37 I had such a better attitude about it.  I knew there was a chance my eggs were no good.  Just got harder to accept as time went along.
"

 

mtlaurel

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here. I also wonder a lot whether my stubborn Irish side is just getting the better of me, refusing to back down from this fight. Especially after crawling my way out of the failed DE IVF abyss, and looking to do it again. While I've always wanted babies, I never dream of them. My reactions to friends' babies are increasingly pure jealous anger - not gushing envy. However, then I have a moment like tonight, where a toddler in the neighborhood came running full-tilt at my dog, laughing the whole way, and I thought, "I want to experience such simple and unbridled joy through my child." And I am reminded that desire is still within, just buried under a ton of pain. I suspect the same is true for you, Trippleb and McIrish.

Trippleb, do you trust your RE on MFI issues? I don't think of an RE as being an expert on the male side of things. I wish this were easier. Good luck in your decision-making.

 

AmCheri

Hugs, trippleb.  The feeling of not knowing where to turn next is awful.  So much unknown, so hard to take a leap of faith in any direction.  I can't help with the suggestion that YH try clomid.  I hope you see your way through with some clarity.  Good luck at your appt on Monday.

Trippleb

Thank you for the support.  I hate that any of us have to be here, but it sure is comforting to know that someone else "gets it". 

Jlynn3

Big big (((hugs)))

No advice here, but I'm thinking of you and hoping you are able to come up with a plan that you are comfortable with.