My nightmare is coming true...

steph8289

My fiance is in the National Guard and he had drill last weekend and he came home and told me it looks like there will be an up coming deployment next year! I know it's part of the lifestyle especially since he plans on putting in the whole 20 years. But we were going to get married this November, but had to move the wedding due to the upcoming baby! So we moved it back a year and now it looks like we are going to have to change it again and it wont be what we wanted it to be. Just something alot smaller and what not. I am just so overwhelmed but super close to having my first LO and to think of all the things that he is going to miss by being gone for a year! I just needed to Vent!

I know i'm not the only one going through stuff like that and I am thankful that he will at least be here to see his son born! It just has been eating at me since he told me and he keeps telling me everything will be ok!! Sorry for the vent but I just wasn't ready to hear this yet I already have alot on my plate!

TIA for listening! Just so overwhelmed!

MiahT

I know it wouldn't be the exact wedding you were hoping for, but have you considered having a smaller, intimate ceremony sooner (before he deploys, for instance) and then you can plan a larger vow renewal type ceremony later when you have more time and energy to devote to it?  Sometimes it's easier to have all the paperwork for married benefits and whatnot taken care of before deployments, especially since you were already planning to be married in November originally, just in case some sort of emergency comes up while you and your fiance are separated.

Rosebud2587

MiahT:

I know it wouldn't be the exact wedding you were hoping for, but have you considered having a smaller, intimate ceremony sooner (before he deploys, for instance) and then you can plan a larger vow renewal type ceremony later when you have more time and energy to devote to it?  Sometimes it's easier to have all the paperwork for married benefits and whatnot taken care of before deployments, especially since you were already planning to be married in November originally, just in case some sort of emergency comes up while you and your fiance are separated.

This is what we did. We had a small JoP wedding before DH deployed and then the following year had a big church wedding/reception vow renewal. 

hansonam446

Rosebud2587:

MiahT:

I know it wouldn't be the exact wedding you were hoping for, but have you considered having a smaller, intimate ceremony sooner (before he deploys, for instance) and then you can plan a larger vow renewal type ceremony later when you have more time and energy to devote to it?  Sometimes it's easier to have all the paperwork for married benefits and whatnot taken care of before deployments, especially since you were already planning to be married in November originally, just in case some sort of emergency comes up while you and your fiance are separated.

This is what we did. We had a small JoP wedding before DH deployed and then the following year had a big church wedding/reception vow renewal. 

 

This is what we're doing after the baby is born and he's gotten out of the army.

BreRose1986

Ditto. We were legally married 15days prior to DH deploying. Now in NOV we're doing a big to-do in TN. While it may not be what you want right at this moment you'll be able to tweak the larger one to fit exactly as you want. Also when/if you decide to do the smaller affiar you'll have the support of the FRG which is always nice.

 

 

Lissa832

Don't let it get you down. The marriage is what is important, not the wedding. You can do something small, and do it bigger later. 

zonagirlie

Lissa832:

Don't let it get you down. The marriage is what is important, not the wedding. You can do something small, and do it bigger later. 

This.

I know it's hard, but keep thinking about your little guy and how great things will be when you have benefits and security while your hubs is away. Safety, security, that all trumps the frilly stuff. And you'll be able to plan what you do want while your man is away  

LemonLover33

You do not need to get married because the "just in case something happens" situation. Your SO can set it to where you are the beneficiary. To my knowledge your LO will allow him dependent rate BAH and fam sep. pay. There is no reason to rush off to get married just because he's deploying. Get married on your terms and how you want after the deployment.

ateal2490

LemonLover33:

You do not need to get married because the "just in case something happens" situation. Your SO can set it to where you are the beneficiary. To my knowledge your LO will allow him dependent rate BAH and fam sep. pay. There is no reason to rush off to get married just because he's deploying. Get married on your terms and how you want after the deployment.

I don't remember her proposing that as an option at all.... 

LemonLover33

ateal2490:

LemonLover33:

You do not need to get married because the "just in case something happens" situation. Your SO can set it to where you are the beneficiary. To my knowledge your LO will allow him dependent rate BAH and fam sep. pay. There is no reason to rush off to get married just because he's deploying. Get married on your terms and how you want after the deployment.

I don't remember her proposing that as an option at all.... 

Other posters did. I'm saying she can have "security" without getting married.

iluvmytxrgr

Please keep in mind that, unless he has orders saying the deployment is next year, it could be quite some time.  My unit was told to "expect orders anytime now" for 3 years.  I'm not trying to get your hopes up, I'm just saying not to count on anything until you have dates in writing.  

chizzle91

I understand for the most part. My DH is currently in BCT, and will be in AIT in Texas when our child is born (we don't know if it's a boy or girl yet.) I couldn't imagine if he were about to deploy overseas. I'm a hot mess as it is. Keep your chin up girl, and I definitely understand the need to vent. I know what you're going through is a little more serious than my situation, but if you ever want to vent in a PM feel free. I'll listen

Nanette Friedman

You should at least get legally married before he goes, so you and baby can get on his insurance. Also try to get him to get you Power of Attorney- it has come in handy for me when my husband was deployed because things always come up after they leave that they don't think of, and you end up signing his name on important stuff- PofA is really important