XP- Separation anxiety - how to deal?

gymnst1013

Nikolai has recently started flipping his sh!t whenever I leave him with someone and I'm not in his line of sight.  He, my mom and I were at the mall yesterday and I had to pee.  I left him with her in the stroller and he immediately started screaming bloody murder.  It lasted until I came back.  And he loves my mom.  For the past couple of weeks, whenever I leave him with the sitter, ditto.  She does manage to distract him after a while but it just breaks my heart to hear it in the meantime (I work at home).

Any suggestions to ease the transition to a new caretaker?  I try not to drag the process out but I also feel bad just up and leaving him when he's so upset.

 

MammaBear81

Can the sitter take him outside (for a walk or to play) right when you drop him off?  My kids have always done better when they "leave me" as opposed to me "leaving them" KWIM? When I used to work afternoons my au pair would take them to the park right when she got on duty, by the time they got back I left for work.  I said my "goodbyes" when they left for the park and it went much better.  I hope it gets better for you soon!

Syncronicity09

Ashur did this for awhile after I went back to work. I was a SAHM briefly (2 months) and after he did not want me to go anywhere. Taking him to DC in the morning made me cry each time, and he still cries when I leave the house even though he loves his Daddy.

My only advice is to not give in and to start routines when you come and go. I did this with Ash despite my overwhelming urge to run back in and pick him up, I just keep moving forward. We also make a big show about my leaving, making a production about waving goodbye to everyone present. It didn't take long before he cried less, and then stopped all together. And now he points to the door and tells me to leave, lol. He has defintiely gotten over it, and it has only been a little over a month.

Telly21182

This just started happening to us about a week ago.  It breaks my heart.  The first time it happened I thought it was because he was tired because he was half asleep when I handed him to his favorite teacher.  

My MIL holds him while he waves to me while I'm backing out of the driveaway, but since I think your CT comes to your house while you work (correct?) that won't work for you.... I wish I had more advice. 

nfrtny

Definitely talk to him and explain the process every time you're leaving, and start a while before you go. And even talk to him about it throughout the day. Stuff like "I know you don't like it when mom leaves, but I have to go to work and I'll always come back"

When Cole has a rough time with me leaving which doesn't happen often anymore whenever I come home I give him a HUGE hug, and tell him "See?! Mommy always comes home! I love you!"

gymnst1013

MammaBear81:

Can the sitter take him outside (for a walk or to play) right when you drop him off?  My kids have always done better when they "leave me" as opposed to me "leaving them" KWIM? When I used to work afternoons my au pair would take them to the park right when she got on duty, by the time they got back I left for work.  I said my "goodbyes" when they left for the park and it went much better.  I hope it gets better for you soon!

She comes here so I'm always here.  Just mostly upstairs.  He is napping when she gets here and she always wakes him up and takes him outside before lunch.  But when they go to leave, he freaks out. 

rainstar752

DD is going through this too.  She's had it a bit in the past so this isn't the first time, but I think it's the worse it's been so far.  She goes to daycare and she's been crying every time I drop her off for the last couple of weeks.  She's also pretty clingy at home and has been crying at night if DH puts her to bed instead of me.

 I've just tried being consistent with my goodbye, never sneaking out, trying to stay cheery when leaving, reinforcing that I'll be back to get her at the end of the day, etc.  I also think it helps if you can get them involved in a little activity with the caretaker right before you leave.

LollyBug18

What does N really, really like to do? What makes him laugh the hardest and most consistantly? I haven't run into this issue with Em but I used to babysit a little boy who had a really hard time with his parents leaving, starting around this age, and it never failed that when I stacked his blocks up high and then knocked them down so they went everywhere, he couldn't stop laughing. He'd start crying again and I'd hurry up and stack them and knock them down again. The next time, he'd knock them down and soon he'd be having fun and not crying anymore. Maybe something like that would distract him well enough.

I totally understand wanting to see him during the day since you're in the same house but is there anyway not to do so? Or does he flip out right from the moment the sitter gets him from his nap w/o even seeing you? 

gymnst1013

LollyBug18:

What does N really, really like to do? What makes him laugh the hardest and most consistantly? I haven't run into this issue with Em but I used to babysit a little boy who had a really hard time with his parents leaving, starting around this age, and it never failed that when I stacked his blocks up high and then knocked them down so they went everywhere, he couldn't stop laughing. He'd start crying again and I'd hurry up and stack them and knock them down again. The next time, he'd knock them down and soon he'd be having fun and not crying anymore. Maybe something like that would distract him well enough.

I totally understand wanting to see him during the day since you're in the same house but is there anyway not to do so? Or does he flip out right from the moment the sitter gets him from his nap w/o even seeing you? 

Gosh most of the stuff that makes him laugh are things like chasing him around, blowing raspberries on his feet, stuff like that.  I'll have to think on it to come up with things the sitter can do in my place.  Good idea though.

He doesn't always cry when she gets him up.  Maybe like 25% of the time.  But that's not all out bawling either.  He saves that for when he sees me and I leave.  He really only sees me when she first brings him down.  Not the whole time she's here.  I can probably arrange it so that he doesn't see me then.