s/o toddlers "sharing" toys with LO

lbrown9807

My mom brought up to me last week the idea of DS sharing his toys with LO while he is sleeping in his crib or pnp. She seems to think it's a good idea to block off the room where LO is sleeping to prevent this from happening. I dont think its a good idea to keep DS away from LO, im afraid he will get the idea that his brother is "off limits" at all times and start having some jealousy issues (more so than what he will probably already have) From the start I have always let DS look around the nursery and touch the baby gear, I dont want him to feel like LO isnt approachable.

Any other S+TM though of this or have any advice? I kind of have the mind set that we cross this bridge when we get there, but my mom is making a huge deal out of it.

melody921

I think it's fine to shut the nursery door or keep DS away from the PNP when baby's sleeping. You can just tell him that baby is sleeping and doesn't want to be disturbed. That's different from never letting him near the LO or the gear.

mrs.kapow

melody921:

I think it's fine to shut the nursery door or keep DS away from the PNP when baby's sleeping. You can just tell him that baby is sleeping and doesn't want to be disturbed. That's different from never letting him near the LO or the gear.

Yea, I'd equate it to when he is napping or sleeping.

In general, though, I'd encourage him to share and hang out with his new sibling. 

superned

I don't plan on letting DD have unsupervised access to the baby at any time.  I don't think this will make her think that the baby is "unapproachable."  For one thing, I sure as hell don't want her to wake up a sleeping baby!

It might sound strange, but I'm basically going to take the same approach that I did with my dogs - I want them to interact with DD, but always with me there to facilitate to make sure that their interactions are positive.  They are never left alone together because I don't want to take any chances that someone will get hurt and then have to worry about repairing the relationship.

blindvictory

superned:

I don't plan on letting DD have unsupervised access to the baby at any time.  I don't think this will make her think that the baby is "unapproachable."  For one thing, I sure as hell don't want her to wake up a sleeping baby!

It might sound strange, but I'm basically going to take the same approach that I did with my dogs - I want them to interact with DD, but always with me there to facilitate to make sure that their interactions are positive.  They are never left alone together because I don't want to take any chances that someone will get hurt and then have to worry about repairing the relationship.

I don't have any kids yet, but this is exactly how I plan to do things with my niece and my LO. She is WAY excited about him and talks all the time about how she's going to "share her toys with him, and read to him, and play with him..." She's 4, and I don't think she entirely understands what a newborn will be like, but I figure as long as she's supervised and taught how to interact with him, it'll be fine.  

MCookie816

I honestly have no clue what the hell I'm going to do! DS#2 has a mean streak, he will run up to me and just hit me for no apparent reason. He is also very jealous and doesn't like others talking to or hugging "his" Mommy or Daddy or big brother. I am a little afraid to let him have free access to the baby. Yikes, I am really in trouble!

hmp1

I want the baby to be "off limits" while sleeping. Just like DS takes naps with his door closed, we will tell DS not to touch the baby when he is sleeping. I also plan to teach DS to only touch the baby's feet until he is bigger. I don't want his hands all over the baby's face. I used to leave DS alone in the swing when I went to the bathroom, but I don't see myself leaving both boys alone in the same room for awhile.  DS put his monkey in the swing and put a pillow over the monkey this weekend. We have some teaching to do.

Holly_1007

DS will not be allowed to be around the baby unsupervised until he learns the rules around the baby.  I've already been fore-warning him when he goes near the swing or pnp that when the baby is sleeping we don't touch. 

he has a tendency to be mean to the dogs, so I'm going to take a very cautious approach to leaving him in the same room as the baby.  I foresee a lot of "time-outs" in the next few months

skyejo

I'll be taking no chances of waking a newborn so DD2 will totally be off limits to DD1 during nap times. I'll explain to her that baby is sleeping and that will be it.  All other times I'll let them interact so I'm not too worried about it. 

kelbel527

hmp&mrj:

DS put his monkey in the swing and put a pillow over the monkey this weekend. We have some teaching to do.

DS started pushing the swing really hard this weekend (like a playground swing), we too have some teaching to do!

To OP - we too plan on keeping them supervised until we can trust him alone / the baby is older.  I don't think having the baby off-limits during naptime/bedtime will be an issue and I think there are creative ways to make sure that it's not a jealous thing.  i.e. if I need to run upstairs real quick and am leaving LO to sleep in his bouncer, I'll ask DS#1 to come upstairs with me, "to be a big helper!"

 

bosha711

I am in the same mindset as you. DD isn't here yet, so I will have to wait & see DS's temperament with her first before making any decisions. 

I also think that with some things, like "sharing" toys while baby is sleeping, you can teach the older child not to do it & they will learn, without having to put up physical boundaries. 

I have been showing DS pretty much everything that we've gotten for DD so far & talked about everything with him, to try & make things go as smoothly as possible when she does get here.  

eta- I do agree w/ the others in that while DD is sleeping, she will be off limits & I think it goes w/o saying that all interaction will need to be supervised.