Bonding with newborns

SarahKate31

I hear people say they're head over heels as soon as they lay eyes on their baby, but I'm not sure that's how it went down for me. I sobbed when he was born, and I was very happy but it was mostly just a gushing of ridiculous hormones. I remember feeling overwhelmed and in awe, very happy but just kind of going through the more mundane realities in a daze: how's my pain, do we need to change his diaper, should we try feeding again, etc. It seemed like "bonding" with him was gradual over the first few days/weeks. Of course my memory of that time is a little fuzzy

Do you recall when you fell in love with or felt really bonded with your newborn?

anonsouthernbell

i had a similar experience...NAKing

weezie825

The best advice I got from my pediatrician was this, "Bonding isn't a moment, it is a process."  It really helped me to keep perspective in the early days.  DD was in the NICU and I was afraid that I wouldn't bond with her properly because I couldn't hold her and touch her.

Those newborn days were HARD and I just sort of muddled through in a daze.  Finally one night when DD was about 3 months old, I was singing her a song. It was an old Sunday School song about Noah's Ark.  The last line of the song is, "This is the end of, the end of the story-story, Everything was hunky-dory-dory!"  It seems so silly, but in that moment I realized that everything really was going to be okay.  The overwhelming emotions of the last 3 months all surged to the surface and I just held my baby and cried. 

To be honest the second time around seems so much harder in some ways.  I feel like I don't get the same quality time with DS that I got with DD.  Once we were home from the hospital I used to just hold DD and rock her for hours.  I don't have the luxury of doing that with DS because Big Sister is in the wings waiting for her turn with Mommy. 

nynews

weezie825:

Those newborn days were HARD and I just sort of muddled through in a daze.  Finally one night when DD was about 3 months old, I was singing her a song. It was an old Sunday School song about Noah's Ark.  The last line of the song is, "This is the end of, the end of the story-story, Everything was hunky-dory-dory!"  It seems so silly, but in that moment I realized that everything really was going to be okay.  The overwhelming emotions of the last 3 months all surged to the surface and I just held my baby and cried. 

 

Weezie your post gave me goosebumps and kinda made me want to cry. I blame the fact that I am clearly still sleep deprived. But I remember having a very similar moment. Those early days are so so friggin hard and just like Sarahkate says I felt like I was so busy worrying about feeding and sleeping and fretting over every little thing that I think for me it took away from some of the joy of just enjoying the experience.

I totally, totally think bonding is a gradual thing and I remember feeling guilty about that -looking back I think it's totally normal and wish I hadn't sweated the small stuff but even now I still have to remind myself to not sweat the small stuff.

mrs. remy

I bonded with both of mine very quickly, I want to say within hours. I know plenty of people that took days or weeks though.

Cooper81

I don't know if I ever remembering it actually happen, or that it was a gradual process.  I know when I first saw DS I started crying, and was in total awe.  I also could not put him down, neither could DH for the first few days, we just liked having him held most of the time.

tmm140

I am going to say when we got home.  Yes, I was utterly overwhelmed, but seeing him in the house, in his room, in my arms something really clicked.  I really don't think I rarely put him down for the first month.  I just wanted to look at him and cuddle all the time.

KathrynMD

I was pretty overwhelmed the first few weeks. I loved her immediately but I wasn't IN love with her for a few weeks and didn't feel bonded for a couple weeks. I thought something was wrong or like I'd never have the "mom thing "

I remember going out to dinner with DH w/o DD when she was like 6 weeks old and we both started crying when we were talking about her and it was like we didn't even have the words to discuss our feelings and how much we loved her. I realized then how much we were bonded and of course that's just grown. I think some of my issues were related to my BF stress.

mrsbecky07

I bonded right away to a certain extent and then it kind of stalled for a few weeks.   I like how Kathryn put it - I loved him immediately but I wasn't "in love."   for a while I just couldn't really believe that he was real and that he was mine, lol.  And then there'd be the days with the nonstop crying and I would think "holy crap what did I do."  But somewhere along the way over the first month or 6 weeks I did fall completely in love.  

 I was talking to one of my best friends at her bridal shower and her mom was there, who is like a second mom to me, and my friend said "do you like him more than my mom liked us? she said we were just bumps on a log to her for the first few weeks."  And I laughed and said, actually....yeah, that's kind of how it felt for the first few weeks (this was at 4 weeks PP.)  And she said "thats so nice to hear, everyone is always 'I LOVED HIM IMMEDIATELY' and sometimes it isnt like that I would assume."  I think its also the difference between liking and loving. The more I liked him - the more personality he had, etc - the more I loved him.

 I think it's hard to bond when your hormones are raging, you are exhausted, and if you're BFing then you are the sole source of food and sometimes comfort for this baby.  It's stressful and exhausting and then there is this pressure from outside to bond quickly, to be SO IN LOVE immediately, and if you don't feel that way, then you feel like a failure as a mother, and it can become harder I think to bond.