Etiquette Peeps!!

ebearwife

OK, so I am a little out of practice on wedding etiquette.  My husband's first cousin is getting married.  A destination wedding.  Polly is the flower girl and holy moly we are dropping a WAD of cash on the dress, shoes, travel and hotel.  We are trying to be gracious since DH's father passed away and this is his family that we are trying to rebuild a relationship with and they are really including us by making P a flower girl.  Not to mention we couldn't find grandparents willing to do Isaac duty so we get to spend three nights in a room with a 2 year old who has never shared a room in his life.  (TRIPLE EEK!!)  So far I have been invited to a bridal shower for which I purchased a gift but could not attend (surgery recovery) and now I am invited to a "bridal luncheon" at the Swann Coach House.  Am I supposed to purchase a gift for this event too?  What about the wedding itself?  Are we supposed to also get a wedding present?  I know the standard practice is usually to bring gifts to most of these events so default I would buy one but I don't want to bring one if its not a gift event and I am the only one who has one.

seansgirl2006

You don't need to bring a gift to a bridal luncheon. That is hosted by the bride as kind of a gift to the women in the wedding. I had one and also invited all of the women in my family. I gave them gifts at the luncheon. Not sure what etiquette says about the wedding gift. I am in a wedding coming up and will be at a shower before that too, actually throwing it myself. Not sure if this is right to do but I'm bringing a gift to both and taking that into account budget wise, spending what I want on both combined instead of one bigger present for the wedding only.

Daisy22

seansgirl2006:

You don't need to bring a gift to a bridal luncheon. That is hosted by the bride as kind of a gift to the women in the wedding. I had one and also invited all of the women in my family. I gave them gifts at the luncheon. Not sure what etiquette says about the wedding gift. I am in a wedding coming up and will be at a shower before that too, actually throwing it myself. Not sure if this is right to do but I'm bringing a gift to both and taking that into account budget wise, spending what I want on both combined instead of one bigger present for the wedding only.

Agree with this. Bridal luncheon is to say thank you to the wedding party and those helping out. I also do one budget amount for both the shower and wedding to split into two gifts.  

frlcb

No to the luncheon but yes to the wedding

ebearwife

Daisy22:

seansgirl2006:

You don't need to bring a gift to a bridal luncheon. That is hosted by the bride as kind of a gift to the women in the wedding. I had one and also invited all of the women in my family. I gave them gifts at the luncheon. Not sure what etiquette says about the wedding gift. I am in a wedding coming up and will be at a shower before that too, actually throwing it myself. Not sure if this is right to do but I'm bringing a gift to both and taking that into account budget wise, spending what I want on both combined instead of one bigger present for the wedding only.

Agree with this. Bridal luncheon is to say thank you to the wedding party and those helping out. I also do one budget amount for both the shower and wedding to split into two gifts.  

Thanks!  I haven't been closely associated with a wedding in four years so I am pretty rusty.  I am sure it will be fun and I am really looking forward to P being a flower girl but I have no idea how to handle all the gift stuff.

mingaling2

No gift at luncheon; yes gift for wedding.

seansgirl2006

ebearwife:

Daisy22:

seansgirl2006:

You don't need to bring a gift to a bridal luncheon. That is hosted by the bride as kind of a gift to the women in the wedding. I had one and also invited all of the women in my family. I gave them gifts at the luncheon. Not sure what etiquette says about the wedding gift. I am in a wedding coming up and will be at a shower before that too, actually throwing it myself. Not sure if this is right to do but I'm bringing a gift to both and taking that into account budget wise, spending what I want on both combined instead of one bigger present for the wedding only.

Agree with this. Bridal luncheon is to say thank you to the wedding party and those helping out. I also do one budget amount for both the shower and wedding to split into two gifts.  

Thanks!  I haven't been closely associated with a wedding in four years so I am pretty rusty.  I am sure it will be fun and I am really looking forward to P being a flower girl but I have no idea how to handle all the gift stuff.

You're welcome! She is going to be so cute. Ethan is the ring bearer in the wedding I'm in and I can't wait to see him walk down the aisle!

seahorse102410

I think with these destination weddings all etiquette goes out the window.  Like you said you are spending a lot of money on this.  If you do send a wedding gift (and do NOT take it to the wedding) I think you can do something small from the registry.  Like a dinner plate of her every day china or something.

ebearwife

seahorse102410:

I think with these destination weddings all etiquette goes out the window.  Like you said you are spending a lot of money on this.  If you do send a wedding gift (and do NOT take it to the wedding) I think you can do something small from the registry.  Like a dinner plate of her every day china or something.

Yeah, I am lucky that the bride is so laid back and her biggest concern is that we show up!  I think that is why she asked for P to be a flower girl bc we were on the fence about going (nothing against her but traveling with a 2 yr old is never too fun).  I am hoping the beach and festivities will equal sleep no matter what.    And good idea on not bringing a gift but sending one.  This is my first destination wedding.  Thanks!!

Kerrin

You don't need to bring a gift to the bridal luncheon.....unless I'm misreading what you wrote and it's really a bridal shower.

A bridal luncheon is her way of thanking you for your participation.

Yes, you need to get a wedding gift, but have it shipped to the address on the registry.

lindzed

I have an awesome zip up tent thing we use for Adam when we share a hotel room as a family.  Your welcome to borrow it for your trip.  It's a lifesaver for us because it keeps Adam from waking up and seeing us and he thinks it's cool to get to sleep in his tent.

ebearwife

Update:  Grandparents have agreed to timeshare Isaac!  I guess that is a good thing but I am gonna miss that little hellion.  Let me tell you all he brings his gameface to being two and owns it.  Haha!

Now that its all settled I guess I can focus on planning.

 So the bride tells me her  groom is unemployed unexpectedly.  So, is a cash gift the best idea or should we stick to the registry.  It just seems so silly to buy a gift when I know they could use the money if for nothing else than to defray honeymoon or wedding expenses.