We finally came home after the Hurricane. I luckily found a friend to stay with who had a back up Generator. So we got some Air Condition at night when we slept.
Anywho... While I was at my friends house, my little one went from breastfeeding for 10 minutes every two hours... to literally wanting to eat 24/7 after feeding 5 minutes later she was screaming for more food as if she was starving.
I was soo scared and upset thinking my milk supply must not be up to speed with little one. Or that I was losing my milk supply.
So I got her Formula the very second a store opened after the hurricane. I was afraid she was literally starving!
She took to the bottle like a pro. Drank 2 oz. seemed satisfied. But the formula ended up giving her Diarrhia and then she later spit up a TON of milk.
While she was drinking from the bottle, She looked confused that her milk wasn't coming from her mommy. I felt so horrible and guilty I want to cry thinking about it.
I still tried breast feeding when we slept. And that AM I gave her some more Formula... just to make sure she was getting enough to eat. I haven't been eating great due to the hurricane. Nothing nutritional mainly junk food, cereal and canned food...so I'm wondering if that had anything to do with it?
Finally when I got home where I had accidentally left my pump... I started pumping to see where my milk spply is. I'm able to pump 4 oz all together... so I am producing enough.
But NOW I can't seem to bring myself to exclusively breast feed... because I want to be able to actually SEE that she is getting enough to eat. But it's depressing me that I'm not Exclusively breastfeeding because of the bond that you grow from breastfeeding. So I feel like I'm failing her, or cutting off a great mommy/baby relationship.
So I think that's what has me in this mood.
Now I keep holding my baby... and I keep feeling as if something is wrong with her. Nothing really indicates something is wrong... it's just this horrible feeling I have.
Her eyes are always rolling into the back of her head, and today her little hands weren't pink like the rest of her body and they were stone cold. So I freaked myself out and just started bawling my eye's out. And Tearing up now. I'm so scared something is wrong or something is going to go wrong.
A friend of mine just last month lost her one week old due to SIDs... and the thought is haunting me.. I'm so scared and depressed about it.
So I'm depressed about the whole breastfeeding issue... and my fear. I hope this horrible feeling that something is wrong with my baby is just me being silly... and not a mothers intuition.
I just needed to let it out I guess. I'm in a real junky mood today and just feeling like crap. Thanks for listening to my moan.
Anyone else feeling real emotional? I was doing so great in the beginning.
Re: Ah... I'm soo emotional for No REASON. =[
Fast forward to yesterday when I started pumping every other feeding. I now am only pumping. He hasn't been on the breast since this morning, and my nipples are finally starting to heal. I just feel bad that he doesn't get that skin time.
Good to know I'm not alone.
But itysucks you guys are going through something similar!
Not having that skin time is pretty depressing... but I am going to try and think positive on the situation... and we are doing what is best for our babies.
To the PP I'm sorry your little one is having Diarrhia. That has to be rough.
My little one always seems to be in pain. Always grunting and pooping. it's so sad seeing them go through this.