We went through a very similar situation a year or so ago.
I didn't completely mind that DH was friends with another woman, it started to bother me more when he would have long drawn out text conversations (she has a pretty dramatic life) or when we were all together they would only talk about work and I'd feel left out. He has gotten caught up after work talking to her too.
Finally, I just let him know that it seemed like he was talking to her more than me and it was starting to hurt my feelings. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention because he just didn't realize. They are still friends, but keep most of their conversations at work.. or we go out w. her and a few other coworkers once in a while.
Your husband sounds like a very caring person and just needs to know what is bothering you. It only makes things worse when you keep it inside and let your thoughts take over. Like most things, guys need things pointed out to them.. they don't always see what we do.
I honestly don't think their relationship would lead into an actual affair, it is natural to develop good friendships with your coworkers. You just need to real it in and make sure he keeps it a work friendship. No more taking her cake. But don't think the worst of things either.
I do not intend this to be in any way to scare you or to be harsh, but this is how a lot of affairs begin. It's why it's really hard for married men and women to be friends. Especially after our relationship dynamics change with the addition of children and when we change as women. I would talk to your husband. Because he may not even be aware of a line being crossed.
I agree with this, sorry OP.
If you feel the 'friendship' is inappropriate, then it is. Period. You are the litmus test because it is you who are affected.
Your H needs to quit the constant texting, bringing dessert or whatnot in for her. She's leaning on him for emotional support and he is providing it with no regard for your feelings. I mean, has he even asked you if you mind that he texts her all day (and maybe night)? He may be prioritizing her feelings over yours, and that is a slippery slope.
Have a frank conversation with him. Let him know exactly where you stand. And don't compromise because of 'her' feelings or 'her' needs. Your feelings and your needs come first. Let me repeat: YOUR feelings and YOUR needs come first.
promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
We are very careful not to place ourselves in situations that could even lead to an affair/emotional affair, one being we don't call/text people of the opposite sex, we also do not hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex. To some this may seem extreme, but to us it's just a way to protect our marriage and we both feel the same way. It would bother BOTH of us if that was going on in our home, harmless or not.
I think you two need to have a conversation about something similar.
We practice this as well. Also, would he save dessert for another dude? Ummm...probably not. That was a red flag for me.
Thank you all so much for the support, advice and insights. I am planning to bringing this up tonight. They have already exchanged a couple of texts this morning. I really cant let this go on any longer.
Yea for all we know it could be nothing...but enough red flags for potential issues have been raised that you're 200% within bounds to bring it up. Best way to start is to bring it up in the context of yourself, i.e. "my feelings are hurt.." "I feel neglected when..."
You're making a huge sacrifice for the family by leaving that workplace to stay home and raise your children...least he could do is stop acting like work is where it's at, 24/7. Good luck...
msnehz
member
Re: (Untitled)
We went through a very similar situation a year or so ago.
I didn't completely mind that DH was friends with another woman, it started to bother me more when he would have long drawn out text conversations (she has a pretty dramatic life) or when we were all together they would only talk about work and I'd feel left out. He has gotten caught up after work talking to her too.
Finally, I just let him know that it seemed like he was talking to her more than me and it was starting to hurt my feelings. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention because he just didn't realize. They are still friends, but keep most of their conversations at work.. or we go out w. her and a few other coworkers once in a while.
Your husband sounds like a very caring person and just needs to know what is bothering you. It only makes things worse when you keep it inside and let your thoughts take over. Like most things, guys need things pointed out to them.. they don't always see what we do.
I honestly don't think their relationship would lead into an actual affair, it is natural to develop good friendships with your coworkers. You just need to real it in and make sure he keeps it a work friendship. No more taking her cake. But don't think the worst of things either.
W : 01.11.13
#3 : due 11.02.15
I agree with this, sorry OP.
If you feel the 'friendship' is inappropriate, then it is. Period. You are the litmus test because it is you who are affected.
Your H needs to quit the constant texting, bringing dessert or whatnot in for her. She's leaning on him for emotional support and he is providing it with no regard for your feelings. I mean, has he even asked you if you mind that he texts her all day (and maybe night)? He may be prioritizing her feelings over yours, and that is a slippery slope.
Have a frank conversation with him. Let him know exactly where you stand. And don't compromise because of 'her' feelings or 'her' needs. Your feelings and your needs come first. Let me repeat: YOUR feelings and YOUR needs come first.
We practice this as well. Also, would he save dessert for another dude? Ummm...probably not. That was a red flag for me.
Our family blog
Yea for all we know it could be nothing...but enough red flags for potential issues have been raised that you're 200% within bounds to bring it up. Best way to start is to bring it up in the context of yourself, i.e. "my feelings are hurt.." "I feel neglected when..."
You're making a huge sacrifice for the family by leaving that workplace to stay home and raise your children...least he could do is stop acting like work is where it's at, 24/7. Good luck...