pity party

ktrnmiller

So last night my husband & I were gonna go to Red Lobster for dinner so I decided I would dress up & try to look nice. He comes home says nothing, which isn't shocking, so I asked him does this look OK? I got "its fine, ready to go?". Then I said I tried to look nice for you, and he replied with "did you go get food for the snakes?" This normally wouldn't bother me so much but since getting pregnant I have such a hard time looking at myself in the mirror & I definitely don't ever look in the mirror anymore & truly believe I look beautiful so a little lie from him every now & again wouldn't kill him! Maybe its just my raging hormones I dont know but I just keep thinking about this today. I wish I could make him be more caring & sensitive to my emotions. I just needed to get that out of me. Anyone else have a husband who truly hasn't cared to learn one bit about pregnancy & what come with it?

laurapacheco

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you tried talking with him about this? A lot of men just aren't good at communicating things like that, but if he knows it is hurting you then maybe he'll make an effort to be better about it. GL!

ktrnmiller

yeah Ive told him many times. He doesnt really seem to care or listen

tdoyen

I'm sorry you are going through this.  My husband has some days/moments where he forgets and does something insensitive.  They try, but it doesn't invade them the way it does us so I understand them being morons about it once in a while.  

zonagirlie

That sucks.

Would he be more receptive to an email? When my husband and I did marriage counseling a while back, the counselor suggested emailing each other when something like this happens where you don't want to pick a fight or call the person out on being a jerk, you just want to be heard. Maybe try emailing or writing him exactly how you feel, both about your self image and his treatment of you.

Good luck! (((HUGS))) 

zonagirlie

ktrnmiller:

yeah Ive told him many times. He doesnt really seem to care or listen

That's a pretty big red flag. 

rinascita

I don't know if it is just men, but they tend to have a 'different' way of understanding, coping, and dealing with new/changing life situations.

My husband keeps promising me that he'll be fine without a childcare class for new dads (he has never changed a diaper or held a baby - let alone 2 at the same time) and told me last night he will devote October to reading a book about taking care of babes

They just don't understand and aren't processing this new step in life the same way we are.  I wouldn't stop communicating your feelings though, maybe it is just taking longer to sink in for him and to see how your emotions/feelings aren't a one time thing but something that needs attention.

Hope it gets better!  I'm sure you looked great last night!!!

ktrnmiller

thanks guys. Hes never been one to really give me a compliment or been good at communicating. Hes a horrible listener, and cant seem to pay attention. I came to understand that over the years (10 years now), & felt happy with myself just by me feeling good but now that Im pregnant Im not that hot little number that Ive always had that confidence to believe I was. Its like he never wanted to say anything nice to me because hes afraid Ill think Im to good for him or get a big head or something. It drives me crazy & the one time I need it from him hes such a big let down. I wish there was a program where I could just reboot my confidence & not crave his compliments. Maybe I should just treat myself to something nice & try to forget about it. Maybe go to my moms she always spoils me & makes me feel good :P

ktrnmiller

I think its probably just these crazy hormones getting the best of me.