Scared....all the time!

kpresley81

I know this is a hard subject since so many have been threw this  and I dont want to upset anyone, that is the last thing I want but I need someone to talk.This is my first pregnancy and we dont plan on having more. I worry all the time about losing my LO to stillbirth.I was told its rare and that if it going to happen there is nothing I can do and that is heartbreaking. I have a hard time seeing myself giving birth and bringing our baby home, and being a mom. I dont feel like I deserve this baby because of my past and she was unplanned. I love my LO so much, the moment I seen her on the screen I was in love. My husband has two children from his first marriage who I love and consider them my own. He has been great and loving and tells me not to worry that everything is going to be fine! When he says that a part of me in the back of my mind thinks of course itll be fine you have two children here to love and hold, but what will I have if we lose are baby.I know I shouldnt think this way but I do. Please I need advice and understanding.

chefsteph

I am scared all the time too. How far along are you?

DH, Mom, and MIL keep reassuring me that everything will work its way the way its supposed to and I will be fine. They tell me the stress of worrying will only hurt the baby.

Don't worry about who or what you did in the past. A baby is about the future. If you are already worried about the baby, that is the first step to being a good Mama. Babies come in unexpected ways, sometimes planned, sometimes not.

Please feel free to PM me or email me. Stephanie.r.ortiz @ gmail . com 

kpresley81

Thank you for replying! I'm almost 22 weeks:) I'm told the same thing not to worry its not good but sometimes its hard. Your words are very kind:)

moonglow_84

I worry about this sometimes too... it took us a long time to conceive and all the time I think about how it could still go wrong, from m/c to stillbirth to SIDS.  I try to remember that those things are rare.

I'm not a karma person or even really a religious person... so I don't necessarily belive in things coming back to haunt me or that my past will affect my future or anything.  You are clearly a very thoughtful and responsible adult now and no one is going to judge you for who you used to be or what mistakes you may have made before... least of all, your baby.  You love her and care about her and worry about her and that's all that will matter to her.  You deserve her, even if it wasn't planned.  Everything will be ok

brianabrad

FTM here and I worry too. I haven't worried much about stillbirth but more about losing baby to MC. Everything has been fine with our pregnancy but on days that feel really sick or haven't felt little girl move, I worry!

I've also recently started feeling terrible if I eat or drink anything that isn't 100% good for me. For example, I broke down and had a diet soda the other day. It didn't sit well in my stomach and I immediately started feeling like a bad mom because I didn't need that soda. I should have just had water. What if I had a MC after having this soda? I wouldn't know what to do with myself thinking I had killed my baby. Someone please tell me these types of worries are normal?

hansonam446

brianabrad:

FTM here and I worry too. I haven't worried much about stillbirth but more about losing baby to MC. Everything has been fine with our pregnancy but on days that feel really sick or haven't felt little girl move, I worry!

I've also recently started feeling terrible if I eat or drink anything that isn't 100% good for me. For example, I broke down and had a diet soda the other day. It didn't sit well in my stomach and I immediately started feeling like a bad mom because I didn't need that soda. I should have just had water. What if I had a MC after having this soda? I wouldn't know what to do with myself thinking I had killed my baby. Someone please tell me these types of worries are normal?

 

They are normal. I think we all have them. We just didn't realize all the scary stuff that could happen until we found the INTERNET! I'm on the same page, I stress about what I eat, what I don't eat, every little ache and pain but then I look at my friends who had kids and realize that these things are rare. If they do happen, god forbid, then it is out of our hands. I stay positive and focused by thinking about my baby and looking at clothes and things for him. Worry is natural, especially for a mother. Take a deep breath ladies and try to enjoy this time because before you know it our babies will be here and we won't have a moment to lose!

laurapacheco

hansonam446:

brianabrad:

FTM here and I worry too. I haven't worried much about stillbirth but more about losing baby to MC. Everything has been fine with our pregnancy but on days that feel really sick or haven't felt little girl move, I worry!

I've also recently started feeling terrible if I eat or drink anything that isn't 100% good for me. For example, I broke down and had a diet soda the other day. It didn't sit well in my stomach and I immediately started feeling like a bad mom because I didn't need that soda. I should have just had water. What if I had a MC after having this soda? I wouldn't know what to do with myself thinking I had killed my baby. Someone please tell me these types of worries are normal?

 

They are normal. I think we all have them. We just didn't realize all the scary stuff that could happen until we found the INTERNET! I'm on the same page, I stress about what I eat, what I don't eat, every little ache and pain but then I look at my friends who had kids and realize that these things are rare. If they do happen, god forbid, then it is out of our hands. I stay positive and focused by thinking about my baby and looking at clothes and things for him. Worry is natural, especially for a mother. Take a deep breath ladies and try to enjoy this time because before you know it our babies will be here and we won't have a moment to lose!

This. Both my mom & MIL said the worry of miscarriage or something being wrong with the baby never even crossed their minds when they were pregnant... I think the information overload has had a big effect on moms of our generation when it comes to worrying about their pregnancies. (And yes, I worry a lot too but not as much as I did first trimester!) 

mollywobbles13

I really don't know what to say because there is so much to say. Stillbirth does happen. Sadly it happened to me, but it is rare. The thing I can tell you is to enjoy your pregnancy. Even knowing first hand what CAN happen I've chosen to try my hardest to enjoy this pregnancy and this baby. Enjoying my daughter in my last pregnancy is one of the things that has kept me sane through this. I know that I loved her and the pregnancy (even through the hard times of sickness and everything else) and when she passed away I looked back on that as happy memories. My advice to any pregnant woman these days is this: If you feel at any time something is off, force your doctor to look into it. I wish I would have had my doctor look into certain things that were not a big deal to him. I know that sounds very common sense, but as a first time mom I really just did what the doctor said because my pregnancy was going fine. I feel like I'm more rambling now than actually helping in any way. Please let me know if you would like to talk more.

bearkatjen

I felt like that a lot during my first pregnancy too. Just try not to dwell on the "what ifs" too much.

JessicaRobb

brianabrad:

FTM here and I worry too. I haven't worried much about stillbirth but more about losing baby to MC. Everything has been fine with our pregnancy but on days that feel really sick or haven't felt little girl move, I worry!

I've also recently started feeling terrible if I eat or drink anything that isn't 100% good for me. For example, I broke down and had a diet soda the other day. It didn't sit well in my stomach and I immediately started feeling like a bad mom because I didn't need that soda. I should have just had water. What if I had a MC after having this soda? I wouldn't know what to do with myself thinking I had killed my baby. Someone please tell me these types of worries are normal?

A lot of people do not know that the loss of a baby up through 19 weeks is considered a miscarriage, 20+ weeks is considered stillborn (at least where I live). So you are past the miscarriage stage. The odds are in our favor now that we are in the second trimester, although of course things could still go wrong. As PP said, enjoy this baby now. I spent so much of my last pregnancy looking ahead and counting down to baby's arrival that I missed cherishing the moments that we did have together.

 I think it is normal to have some fear with pregnancy because we love these little ones so much and it is heartbreaking to lose a child. Be thankful for everyday you have with your baby. I don't believe that anything that you did in the past will determine the future of your baby. 

kpresley81

First I would like to send my deepest sympathies for those of you who lost your child. You are all so strong in sharing your stories. Thanks to all the kind words and understanding. Love to all and best of luck in your pregnancy!

smwiggle

It is fine to worry, but don't let that worry control your life.  You are going to worry about pregnancy, worry about SIDS, worry if your LO is eating enough/too much, is LO meeting milestones on time, etc.  It is part of being a parent.  It gets worse as they get older.  I still check DS when he is sleeping just to make sure that he is breathing.  Worrying about your kids makes you a good mom, just don't let that worry control your or your LO's life.