Babies: 3 - 6 Months
willadieselstm
member
Does anyone else have a hard time...
willadieselstm
member
Letting your mil watch your lo. DS is 3 months old and my mil has yet to watch him. But she has started pressuring my husband that it's time. She is so opinionated and everything I do seems to be wrong. Examples, not giving solids yet, wanting a jumper, not putting whiskey on teething gums, etc. so i struggle to even get along with her and I really don't want her to have him. Honestly out of spite. Because she just pisses me off so bad. How can I get over this?
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Re: Does anyone else have a hard time...
I have only left DS with my mom, which I am completely comfortable with. I don't trust him with anyone else. I know it's odd, but I just don't.
Maybe when they're a bit older we'll feel different? Time will tell...
My parents are dying to babysit but we haven't done it yet. Truth is, I don't mind people helping when we're around - but us going out and leaving her with someone is another story. They mean well, but they can't read her cues when we can and it ends up making the rest of the night, and sometimes next few days, horrible. She doesn't eat/nap the same with other people, she's too excited and they don't know how to (or can't help themselves) to not stimulate her even more. This means no sleep at night for us, and a very, very cranky baby.
Sorry, they just have to wait!!
I don't really care for a lot of things about my MIL so when she watches Livi two days a week it's hard for me. I feel like she's passive aggressively judging me when I get her back wearing a different outfit, or I hear that she hasn't napped when she naps at daycare, she naps for my mom and me with NO problem.
Yesterday when I changed her diaper, I saw poop in her vagina that MIL must have missed when she changed her. I just about hit the roof. I calmly explained this morning that she needs to be more observant when she changes a poopy diaper so Livi doesn't develop a UTI. She apologized but FFS, why do have to tell her to completely clean all the poop away?
A few weeks ago when she was babysitting, MIL and FIL took Livi to the beach and didn't tell me they were going any where. We had a massive rainstorm that flooded parts of the city and I couldn't get them on the phone. When I finally got through and found out they didn't tell me they were taking my child an hour away for the day, I flipped out (alone, I didn't yelled at them). They again apologized but I was still pissed.
Long story short, no one is going to take care of your child to your standards. You know all the secret stuff that no one else would know - what each cry means, what exact pitch of "shhh" works to soothe them; all that mommy magic stuff.
EXACTLY!!!
Its really hard to let go, but aside from individual circumstances (drugs/alcohol/abuse/estrangement/abandonment) i guess we all have to let someone else watch our kids, if not on a regular basis at least once in a while. I will admit, picking Olivia up after being away from her all day gives me a lot of joy, she sees me and lights up with a great big smile - "Oh, my MOMMY is here!!!"
I have let my MIL watch our LO but not my mother. My mother is a cat hoarder and her house is an absolute mess. It makes me sad and I know it hurts her feelings, but we couldn't even spend time there.
I only have an issue because of safety. My MIL and I have different parenting styles, but she seems to respect mine well enough. If she didn't we would need to have a talk.
Us too. I have two MILs due to my husband's divorced parents (yea!). I get annoyed with his mom's comments and neither of us get along with his stepmom. Definitely don't want her around his stepmom!! We had a giant argument when I was pregnant and I lost all respect for her. She's also never had children of her own and doesn't make an effort to see DD so I definitely don't trust her! Ugh family drama...it's sad.
Leaving our DD for the first time this weekend for an evening and I'm extremely anxious. It's with my mom, which I trust her more than anyone, but still. Hopefully it will get easier each time we do it.
I try not to jump on the MIL bashing train... but every once in awhile everyone needs to blow off a little steam!!!
The poop thing would have made me hit the roof - you would think as a lady she would be solidly aware of it.
My IL come next weekend - the 8th and 9th and I have to admit - there are some things I resent about them. I know they hate that my husband and I are not church going Christians and that I am terrible at talking on the phone and writing letters, they are bothered I never changed my last name and we decided to all hyphenate instead and that we lived together before we got married. His mom made this clear in no uncertain terms when she sent him a letter before we got married in which she called me "Morally void and spiritually bankrupt", (yes, you read that right.) I also know that sometimes the stuff they do that makes me INSANE they do because they love my husband and my DD... and I suppose me too. We put the past behind us when my mother and I had a pow-wow in the Home Depot parking lot and she confided she was not saint either. It helps when the MIL can admit they are fallible. When they do, hug them, praise, repeat - because that takes some massive humility.
I try to remember when they are making me insane, they are often trying to be supportive, not trying to ruin my life. They literally showed up the day we got home from the hospital and stayed for a week. I am convinced this contributed in some ways to my breastfeeding failure. I couldn't get away from them, couldn't let down, DD got overstimulated, my mother in law said I was "force-feeding" her. etc. It was awful - but bless their hearts they came out of love, not hate. They gave advice because they wanted to be helpful not because they thought I was ignorant.
Some MILs are nightmares because they are terrible people. Others are nightmares because they don't know how to deal with the new woman in their son's life. Can you imagine? She raised her son to be her ideal man... how can any of us measure up?
As a side note - my mama passed when I was a little girl and I never had a stepmom. I have let my dad have DD overnight twice. Both times she has slept well and come home happy, smiling, clean and fed. Although the first time was hell for me, the second went much better. He doesn't do stuff my way, but he has a special grandpa way he does stuff that she responds to. It doesn't hurt that he sees her everyday and has a full nursery at his house. He's a damn fine grandpa.
Sorry this is so long. I suspect talking about MILs struck a cord with me since mine is coming to town so soon!
I am with you on this one. Luckily, my ILs live about 3 hours away, so I don't have to deal with them often. Well, I really don't have to deal with FIL at all since he's decided that his relationship with his cigarettes is much more important than the one with his only grandchild. He refuses to come visit because he can't smoke around my baby.... And I'm the unreasonable one!! And MIL is a total enabler, so it's really whatever.
I say go with your gut, momma!
^ I love this! Such good advice to remember!
And I 100% trust my MIL watching DS... she's kept him for the weekend while DH & I get some 'grown up' time on numerous occasions already. (It probably comforts me a little that she's been a nurse in the maternity ward for years and knows her babies too).
Now my side of the family on the other hand, gah, I think I'll just use the term "Bless their hearts". Haha! My poor DH.
Letting your mil watch your lo. DS is 3 months old and my mil has yet to watch him. But she has started pressuring my husband that it's time.
--I've never trusted my MIL to watch my dog, let alone watch my baby. It's "time"?? WTF does that even mean. There's no such thing as a "right" to babysit, she needs to get over it.
She is so opinionated and everything I do seems to be wrong. Examples, not giving solids yet, wanting a jumper, not putting whiskey on teething gums, etc. so i struggle to even get along with her and I really don't want her to have him.
--My MIL is the exact same way, and that's why I don't trust her. Because she won't follow our instructions, and I don't want her doing something DANGEROUS like putting her in a jumper or PUTTING WHISKEY ON HER GUMS, holy hell. What it comes down to is, I'm the mom, what I say goes. She has proved she can't accept that, so she gets supervised visits only.