So, as most of you probably remember, I have had a VERY rough relationship with ILs for the last 3-4 years. That being said, I need some advice on what to do (help wise) when the new baby is born. My MIL has already invited herself up for a week (or longer) to "help" (which would be great if we were friends/I trusted her/she actually helped). I am nervous about this for a lot of reasons, some of which I will list below.
She does not listen to what DH and I say. An example would be how I sat her down and said that because we have large immediate families, I would like to keep the visitors at the hospital to a minimum after LO#1 was born. I clearly said that I did not want all the great-grandparents driving 5 hours up to the hospital bc it was just too many people in the room (the hospital has a policy), and I didn't want to feel like I had to entertain them for hours in the room when I would be needing to recover. I offered to have the great grandparents come up for a weekend long visit when the baby was a month old. She said, "sure. I understand." Guess who walks into the hospital when LO was born? The great grandparents, of course. Guess who they rode with? My MIL, of course. Guess who the nursing staff had to had a "talk" with to have all the people escorted out of the room b/c it was too many? Me!
Another reason would be breastfeeding. My MIL and her entire family are really weird and invasive about breastfeeding. Down to the point of asking me about it constantly, trying to take pictures of my breastmilk to "show off" to everyone (so freaking creepy), and telling everyone (cousins, great grandparents, etc) that I "can't BF so I have to pump." (which wasn't true but very embarrassing when I found out). I do NOT want to nurse in front of her, and also don't know how much BFing I will be able to do with a toddler running around. I am guessing this one will probably have to have more formula than LO1 had, and I don't want my MIL running down state and "tattling" on me or acting like I'm a terrible mother/talking about my breasts to all of dh's family.
There are a lot of other reasons, but those are the biggest two. She also gets me anxious to the point of me crying every single time hysterically before we see them. She shows no real interest in me, never asks me questions, nada. She also does the exact opposite of what common sense would be in pretty much any situation, treats us less than she treats her other child, etc.
Anyway, with all of these issues with her, I'm afraid that I will be more wound up by her visit than actually helped. Am I being crazy to say "thanks, but no thanks"? I had a terrible recovery with LO#1 and am terrified about doing it again with a toddler. LO1 is pretty easy going, an excellent sleeper, and doesn't really whine. However, I know that things will be nuts with a newborn. What should I do? If she comes here, will I be even more miserable? Will it be worth it because I will be so tired? I truly don't think it will (neither does dh). Help!
**I should also add that DH has 3ish weeks off to help, my mom will have 2 weeks off to help, and my sister will have 3ish weeks off. (MIL wants to come in January, baby is due in December, which is when everyone is off (school breaks, not a choice to move the days).