How do I reassure DH?

lovebug33

DH has been terrified this whole time that somehow the fertility clinic messed up and put the wrong sperm in my eggs! Our baby looks just like me in her face, but he can't find any features that are his (including a crooked finger!). He just keeps freaking out that the baby isn't his. I told him if our doctor has done this for 20 some years, I am sure he did it right, but he still is freaking out! Any suggestions how to make him feel better?

SweetyPy17

Well.... Hmmm. I would say you just have to trust the process. My dd looks just like me, but personality wise is pure dh. So just tell him he's really worrying about nothing and time will resolve all questions.

LnR70707

She is only 4 days old!! LOL.  At 4 days old the only thing about DS that resembled one of us over the other was that we knew he had detached earlobes like mine.   Just tell him to give her a little time to show you guys who she is.  In two months she isn't going to look entirely different, but there are definitely features that change as they grow and fill out their baby fat that are hard to see when they are so new.

ETA: also, if you have a baby picture of DH, compare that to a picture of LO...maybe when DH isn't around at first, just in case they don't look anything alike and it makes him feel worse...but it was a lot easier to see DH in DS when looking at his newborn photo.

Dragonfly1226

I agree with L&R. Part of it is just that you need to give it time. It sometimes takes a new parent a little time to really bond with a new baby. Not every parent experiences that instantaneous love at first sight. So he might just be expressing his need for a little bonding time in this way. I also think her suggestion about pulling out one of his baby photos is a great one. Before P was born, dh told me that he might want to have a paternity test. He was also scared that there would be a mix up. Once P was born he never mentioned it again, but it was definitely something that was on his mind during my pregnancy.

TJ1979

Aww, your poor H! I agree with PPs. It's too early. E started looking just like MH around a week and a half. Hopefully he gets over it soon.

lovebug33

Thanks, guys! I think it's because when you look at her, you see the Basque features right away. It is obvious she is mine. I just hope he stops worrying so much!

amandaleigh1

My lo is the spitting image of me too. I have yet to find my dh in there now at 1 month. I am happy at least the fertility clinic likely put an embryo in
me that came from my egg. I am trusting that they got the sperm right at this point. Time will tell, and I am sure we will find my dh's traits in the mix.

I am sure all of us ivf folk have this fear on some level.

naybird

DS looks exactly like DH. I don't see any of me in him, but I still don't worry that they didn't use my eggs! You just need to tell him to stop worrying and just love that his little girl is finally here!!!