Do you and your SO agree on the L&D plan?

BambinoBruno · August 2012

Sorry to be an over-poster, but I am counting down the minutes today at work. So bored!

My DH and I disagree on the plan for when to call family. I say there is no point in everyone waiting around in a room while I'm in labor for who knows how long. Also, I don't want anyone to see the baby before her big sister gets to see her. Did I mention he has a HUGE family, like several aunts that live in town, parents divorced (and not on the best of terms), grandparents, etc... so three sets of family.

His dad lives a few hrs away from the hospital, while his mom lives maybe 5 minutes away. I understand that he wants his dad there so he needs to have a heads up for time to drive, but then what? We create a pecking order of who gets to come in first? Blah!

I'm of the "I just birthed this baby so I get to make the rules" mentality, but I'm trying to be understanding without letting it stress me out. Not to mention it's not like she comes out and people immediately get to come in. I want time for us alone and to start trying to BF/ skin to skin, etc.

Anyone else?

Sparty On · August 2012

MH and I haven't discussed specifically when we will call people, but we'll tell our parents and my sister when we are going to the hospital. I'm sure they'll spread the word.

We have discussed when visitors are welcome and agree that there will not be anyone there until I'm moved to recovery (2 hours after birth) at the absolute soonest.

sweetiebird726 · August 2012

DH and I are in agreement for L&D plan, but ours is a lot easier to coordinate than yours.

DH's parents and both sets of grandparents live out of state, so they are not coming for at least a few days after LO is born, so no one from his side will be in the waiting room. They will be periodically updated by DH when things are happening. If DH is unable to do it for any reason, my mom will be updating them.

My parents will be notified when we go to the hospital - they are aware that they are welcome to stop in while I'm in labor for short periods of time if I am up to it. They live maybe 20 min from the hospital, so NBD for them. My mom will be staying throughout most of labor and pushing, since she is a back-up support for both me and DH (DH hates being in hospitals bc of a prior experience with his brother and also hates feeling helpless due to same experience, so the support is for both of us). My mom is also an RN and used to work in L&D/nursery, so she volunteered to stay as long as we need/want her there for.

My siblings are probably coming to visit the following day after LO is born before we are discharged. They won't be waiting in the lobby as far as I know - my parents are responsible for keeping them updated.

DH let me make the major decisions re: when visitors are allowed. I told him that regardless of who is in the waiting room, no one comes back to see me or LO until I give the go-ahead or specifically ask for it. We decided that we want at least the time right after birth for just me and him to have alone with our first LO. We don't get moved to recovery rooms for at least a couple hours or so after delivery, so we will allow minimal visitors then (if it's during visiting hours) in the recovery room.

mommy510 · August 2012

I plan on keeping the family updated, but I don't really care who gets there first or anything. I plan on my mom and DH being in the room, my dad will keep DS, my ILs will be visiting once we are home, and anyone else can come as soon as we have had a chance to get cleaned up and BF. Unless its a totally unreasonable hour

avanvorce · August 2012

We disagree and agree at the same time. I don?t want anyone waiting at the hospital in the waiting room, because I don?t want to feel like I HAVE to let anyone in right away to see the baby. Our hospital does not allow visitors until you are moved from L&D to postpartum which is a minimum of one hour. And then I don?t know if I will be ready for visitors depending on the delivery and what time it is etc. None of our family lives that far away so I want to let people know when we are ready for visitors and then they can come to the hospital. We both agree on all this, the problem is that I still want to let my mom know when I go into labor. She is kinda crazy and wants to come to the hospital right when I go into labor and I have explained all of my wishes to her but she doesn?t want to listen. DF says just not to tell her when we go in and then we won?t have a problem. I still want to call someone and get the whole ?I?m in labor!!? thing, but IDK if she will respect our wishes and not show up. Our hospital has high security and if she does show up she won?t even be let in the door and they won?t even admit that I am there until I give the ok for visitors. So part of me is like if she wants to show up and sit around and be uncomfortable then that?s her problem, so long story short we don?t know who we are telling yet.

bosha711 · August 2012

Yes, we do & we did for DS. Although with DS, he was supposed to tell his parents that I wanted an hour of privacy after he was born to try & BF & to bond. He forgot to tell his family that & it caused a big problem when that alone time came. He won't be making that mistake twice!

Shazzie116 · August 2012

We've agreed to call our moms when I go into labor, and then call again once we're in the hospital (I plan on laboring at home as long as possible). Our parents all live about 4 hours away, in the same area of Massachusetts, so calling when I got into labor lets them decide if they want to get on the road to come down here or not. They know that it'll just be DH in the room with me, so even if they leave right away, they could be sitting in the waiting room for a while. Aunts, uncles and cousins aren't a concern. They all live up in MA, too. And I doubt any of our siblings will make the trip (living in Boston and Philly).

That just leaves friends. They're welcome to come and wait, but grandparents are the first ones to visit. And they just need to be flexible with how things go down and what we want when the time comes.

jdp · August 2012

It's really a matter of when my family will be allowed in...DH's family never comes to visit us for anything (they're only about 2.5 hrs away too) except for one sister and brother that came for DD's birthday party when she turned 2. I also think it is dumb for people to wait around in a waiting room.

My mom will be called first since she will be the one to watch DD1 when we go to the hospital and we will call her and tell her when to bring her if it's not in the middle of the night or anything. I also want big sister to be the very first family member to see her too. I have no problem telling my parents and sisters that this is what I want, I am sure they will understand. I went to the hospital with DD1 at like 3 in the morning, so I think we called people somewhere around 5 or 6 to let them know I was in the hospital (per their requests, not caring the time), but even then noone was allowed in my room until I was completely done with stitching and whatnot.

kelbel527 · August 2012

We agreed last time & will do the same this time. He also didn't put his foot down on anything either because, well, I had to push a baby out. My rules.

1. We called (at first reasonable hour) parents/siblings to tell them I was in labor. No need to come to the hospital (in fact they weren't allowed and would be sent home), but wanted to keep them posted.

2. We will call when he's born.

3. They were welcome to visit on day 2. (This worked out really well because DS was born at 4:30pm, so we got the whole evening/night to ourselves). I really wanted bonding time before everyone came in and wanted to hold my baby.

The only difference this time is that the family member with DS#1, gets to come visit us earlier...since I can't wait for big brother to meet his little brother!!

samk213 · August 2012

I am having a repeat c/s currently scheduled for the morning. We are not telling DH's parents when that is because his mother will want to be front and center. We plan on letting the ILs know after the birth and that they can come see the baby the following day. I also don't want visitors this time around on the day of the birth while I still have the catheter in and likely may not be up and feeling well. I also want DS to be the first person to see his sister.

hmp1 · August 2012

DH and I agreed but I think he would have let me decide if we didn't. He understands that giving birth is hard and I might not want to see anyone just after. We waited until the next day to have visitors.

jlh2716 · August 2012

We're calling my parents, my younger brother, and MIL when labor starts (unless it's at an ungodly hour in the morning--no calls before 8 am, I just refuse!), and then we'll call them after she's born. No one will be at the birthing center since it's too far away, though my brother will probably drive down to see us the day after she's born since he's only 45 minutes away. My parents will probably make a trip up to my brother's the very next weekend, in which case, DH will drive us up there so everyone can meet her.

skyejo · August 2012

All of our family lives 4+ hours away. We didn't tell them anything until we were on the way to the hospital. I arrived at 5am and had DD at 645am so it was a while until anyone got there.

There's no way that I'd want anyone in the waiting room ready to burst the door down the second the baby was born. We took our time in the L&D room nursing and doing skin to skin. and while I'm sure this is flameworthy, I was overcome with jealously when family and friends wanted to hold her that day. I never expected to feel that emotion and can't really explain why I felt that way, but I was relieved when visitors left and it was just me, DH, and baby. I'm sure those emotions would have been even more intense for me if we had visitors come right away.

This time my family will already be in town to watch DD but I'm not sure how I want to work it. I might have my parents bring DD to the hospital and have DH bring her into the room for a few minutes so we can bond before my parents come in. Or maybe I want them to come in with their cameras turned on to capture the first moment of DD seeing her little sister

Jumpin4joy · August 2012

We both agree...some of it is what I want and some is what he wants:

We will call my parents when I go into labor. His mom is flying in a week before my due date to help and so she doesn't miss anything.

Only my SO in the room with me per my request and everybody has been notified. My mom was bummed and tried to manipulate me about it--no dice. They can see baby when I am moved from L&D to recovery.

We will notify friends and extended family when we are home. My SO doesn't want any friends to know when I'm in the hospital because he's already paranoid everyone is going to get our LO sick.

Kris2011RN · August 2012

DH and I agree on everything. I think he feels more comfortable about everything since I am a nurse and I know what I want. On that same note I get annoyed at times because he thinks since I am a nurse I know everything, and I don't.

mamaHippo23 · August 2012

Uh no, not exactly. He still seems pretty naive and clueless about what actually goes on. so I told him to just "be good" and listen to the nurses. I know that seems childish, but no matter how many times I try to explain it, he still seems confused. I think he just needs to see the experience for himself and then it will start clicking.