Ok.. just need someone to listen/ reassure me...LONG

wntrgrl83

OK so my babies are 4 1/2 months old, and literally my entire world. I really don't know what I would do without them- I love them so much...

I work full time Mon- Fri 9-5 and my husband works nights. We were getting help in the beginning from family, but a few family tragedys have hit and the help has become less for obvious reasons... My parents are also not in the best of health and can only do so much when they are around....

They were doing pretty well with sleeping up until recently. They are now getting up a few times a night, each. Last night my son got up at 330am and I tried everything (shushing, binky, hand on chest, etc..) before feeding him, which is what he obviously wanted. He went back to sleep around 430. My daughter then woke up at 5am with the same scenario above. My son then awoke again at 515 crying, and I walked into the room holding my daughter as she was falling back asleep, and put her down in her crib. I picked my son up, and put him into the rock and play immediately (his favorite thing) and he instantly fell back asleep. My dilemma is this.... I usually am more comforting with them when this occurs, not one to just pick them up and put them down like that and walk away....I was so frustrated last night with everything--not with them, just the stuff going on in general. I know I have some anxiety going on, and I am getting help for that, but I feel like the babies could feel that last night, and this may sound crazy but I feel like they felt as though I was angry with them.... They were just not the same this morning.. I have never been so curt with putting them down, or in general..... I feel guilty.

My husband and parents are starting to become distant with me, and I feel alone... Please tell me I didn't do anything wrong last night by just putting them in there when they are used to me being more of a comfort and walking out of the room.... Sorry if this is so long, or doesn't make sense. I don't know who else to talk to about this....

srbmvp

No you didn't do anything wrong! It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, I can totally understand you feeling a little short on temper.

Take lots of deep breaths, hang in there!

Jen0204

It was the middle of the night, you got your daughter to sleep in her crib, your son in his rock n play, and you went back to bed.  What could possibly be wrong with that?  That sounds like our nightly routine!  Sure, before bed we might give them a lot of attention, but at 4:30 in the morning it's a race to see how quickly we can get them to eat and go back down.  I was thrilled that we had them both fed and down in 15 minutes last night.

I completely agree that our babies can feel our moods, but we're bound to be upset or stressed from time to time.  You have a lot going on and work opposite shifts from your husband and have two pretty new babies.  That's stressful!  One suggestion - if they're both waking up to eat at night as soon as the first one is fed just feed the second, even if they're not up.  Also, can you have a chat with your husband?  See why he's becoming more distance and explain what you need from him.

Sorry you're going through this!

AmyJoy728

You are doing great! Some days/nights/hours are going to be harder than others and all you can do is get through it. I'm sure they weren't upset that you didn't comfort them enough, they were probably just tired. They both fell back to sleep, so you met whatever need it was that woke them up. Hang in there! 

RedWingsFan

It is completely normal!!  Do NOT beat yourself up about it.  It's the middle of the night, for heaven's sake.

Ours went through a period of night waking around that age as well, and we only picked them up and fed them as a last resort.  Honestly, the first year is about survival mode, and your babies are not any worse for wear because you aren't cuddling/cooing at them at 4am.

It will get better, and reach out to your H for support.  Tell him you need his support and that you guys need to do this together.

 

 

wntrgrl83

Thank you all so much. I really needed this... I'm glad I feel I can turn to all of you for support...

karebearmccroar

Sometimes the best thing you can do, if you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, is to put them somewhere safe and walk away. You may need a little break for you, and that is ok, you need to take a deep breath and take a minute. And if they fall asleep in the meantime then perfect! If not, you can go back and try again but sometimes with lack of sleep, anxiety, loneliness, all of it can come to a head and you are doing the best for them by taking a 5 min breather for you. That was such a tough age with DS for me, I didn't even have 2! You have to take care of you, so you can be the best mom to them!

angelfire02

Please don't be too hard on yourself.  We can't all be Mary Freaking Poppins all the time!   You settled your babies down and got them back to sleep, if they were going to be really mad at your about it they would have stayed up!  Just kidding, but seriously you are doing everything they need at 4am.  It's 4am for goodness sakes, they are much cuter at like 7am.... Give yourself a break and make sure that you are communicating your feelings about how things are going, especially regarding your anxiety with your husband.  If you make sure he knows about it, it can be a lot less isolating. Good luck!