My husband and I have been together for about 2.5 years, married for just under one. Both 30 y.o. He really wants kids, and I also want a family, but only rarely have I felt deep down that I *want* kids. I've never felt that biological urge or longing for a baby.
We'd initially thought to start trying for a baby this coming fall around our 1 yr anniversary, but sort of on a whim I decided in July that I was ready. And I got pregnant on the first try after years on birth control.
I've been more emotional than normal, but - I still don't feel as excited as I perhaps should. What's making it worse is that we just went on a vacation including our lovely 3 y.o. niece, and I didn't feel particularly warm towards her. Spending time alone with her was pleasant, but sort of boring. I could think of about 15 other things I'd rather do than watch her. I literally cannot think of anything to say when I'm with her alone.
I feel terrible, in a "what are we doing?" kind of way. My H and I have such a nice life together right now, and I'm aware of how much you give up (traveling on a whim, sleeping in, having your time to yourself) when you start a family. My H is so nice about it, keeps telling me that he'll do so much of the child rearing, etc. That I can go out by myself whenever I need and he'll be home with the baby, etc, etc...
I'm hoping this is partly pregnancy hormones, but I'm starting to feel like we made a big mistake. Please tell me anyone else sometimes feels this way.
Re: Feeling ambivalent
I feel for you
I actually had to switch from my iPad to my Mac so that I could reply back without being annoyed by my iPad touch screen.
I feel the same way as you, well actually just in the last week I started to take a turn for the better, but it was a very difficult first 8 weeks for me though.
My husband and I have been together 4.5 years but only married for 4 months (also 30 y.r.o)!!! We were very surprised when we found out that we were pregnant (I was on BC!) I started crying myself to sleep every night thinking that I ruined our lives, that we were going to have to give up all our dreams of traveling and moving to different cities. No more sleeping in and no more alone time, like ever again. The next time we will enjoy just him and I we will be in our 50's!! Then I felt awful about feeling awful. It's no fun and I am sorry you are feeling this way... BUT I will say that I am starting to feel a bit better and I was around a bunch of pregnant women this past weekend that were so excited that it kinda rubbed off on me. So now I am looking at all the positives of having this little bundle of joy enter our lives. I see my friends that still have lives after children and my husband and I have vowed to ourselves that we will not allow ourselves to lose sight of our dreams as well as the dreams we will form with our new baby.
I chalk a lot of to hormones! It will get better :-) Think of all the positives and surround yourself with excited pregnant women!
Sending you happy vibes :-)
I can relate a little. i never wanted to be a mom. When I founded out I was pregnant on the 1st try. I said What the _____ did I get myself into. I chalked it up and said I decided to do this now I must.
I have never changed a diaper , made a bottle or even held baby. I've been told all these things come naturally when you have your baby. I watch you-tube every night learning how to change a diaper and mix a bottle.
If you feel that your are having mix emotions I think you should speak to your Dr. most insurances offer help to moms who have mixed emotions. At the end of this I wouldn't want you to experience post partum depression
Even for someone who has really wanted to get pregnant for a long time, ambivalence is totally normal. All of your concerns are legit... and the baby WILL change your life. A LOT.
I love kids, I do... but I also get bored hanging out with other people's kids for too long (babysitting, etc.) Everyone I know who has kids says it's not the same when it's your kid. I mean yes, when your baby is a small baby and is constantly depending on you, there will be times of boredom. But overall, all of those things that other people's kids do that you're not so impressed by or interested in... will be the cutest, most amazing things you've ever seen when it's your own kid.
I also worry about not having time to spend one-on-one with my husband, but my best friend who has a one-year-old swears to me that spending time the three of them is even better. My husband and I have always had a regular date night every Friday that we don't break for anything -- something suggested in our required pre-marriage counseling. It's definitely a tradition we're going to keep once the baby comes. Maybe not the first few weeks, but definitely we're going to keep going out for dinner and spending the evening together on Fridays to get that "us" time in.
I hope you feel better... I completely understand how you feel. I have been DYING for kids and am SO excited to be pregnant, but sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat and panic, like WTF have I gotten myself into??!! It's normal.
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Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food
Rhys - born 04.17.2013
Harry - born 04.18.2016
I'm at 11 weeks. I'm still a newbie at being pregnant! I caught myself getting sad again today, I feel bad that I'm sick and depressed all the time, maybe I'm just not very good at being pregnant!
How far along are you?