It's been two months now...

Kaeldrasmommy

Since BM turned up and spent her whopping three days with the kids. DSD revealed that BM told her she could choose to come live with her when she turns 13 very soon. We can't fathom why she would say this, DSD may want to live with BM, but BM has never wanted her. That's not the case in our state anyway and it just cruelly got her hopes up for nothing, and now BM hasn't even bothered to so much as call since then. What is wrong with the people that we all have to deal with?

Littlejen22

I honestly think most of them believe it when they say it, they believe they will/can do better but they don't or won't.

twister22

I love the whole "when the kid is 13 they can choose where to go" myth. Where we live judges weigh what a child wants into consideration, and the older they are and/or the validity of their reasons add more weight. However, a BM who never sees her kids isn't going to magically become the CP when her DD is 13.

Poor DD.  

Kaeldrasmommy

Littlejen22:

I honestly think most of them believe it when they say it, they believe they will/can do better but they don't or won't.

I actually really hope that's the case. As little as I like the idea of feeling sorry for the woman, I would much rather think that my little girls BM is not such a mean spirited person to her kids.

FutureMrsWittig

Littlejen22:

I honestly think most of them believe it when they say it, they believe they will/can do better but they don't or won't.

I genuinely think this is true of my SDs mom.  I think she wants to be a good mom, take care of her kids, and make them her priority, but she doesn't know how. =/

Moschic31

Situations like this are very difficult.  Right now my fiance's chidren are split between two homes.  Older child has been living with us since age 12 after she and her mom got in an argument and BM left her with us and refused to take her back.  When BM decided she wanted daughter to come back to her home after several months of almost no communication, a judge decided that child, now 13, was better off in our care (this was after months of a GAL investigation).  13yr old has the option to visit her mom when she wants pending trial early next year.  Now, BM is trying to have put into the court order that the 11 year old child should have the option to choose to visit Dad when she turns age 13.  Obviously my fiance refused to allow that into the order and the judge is in agreement.  I firmly believe that children should only be able to choose where they want to live and/or to have input on visitation only if there are circumstances that would allow such discussion.  BM and my fiance do not get along -more so BM refuses to even attempt to coparent as she has not moved on from the relationship.  For my fiance to agree to such an action would allow BM to possible manipulate a situation where 11yr can decide not to visit Dad simply because she does not feel like it.  Older child who is now 13, has the right not to visit BM right now -not because  she is 13, but because the GAL found that BM had been causing severe emotional damage due to her constant attempts to turn her against her father.  The child actually, when given the chance, chose to estrange herself from her BM and the court is now dealing with that. 

Going back to your post, it is wrong from BM to share that information with your DSD.  I agree with other posters, I'm sure she loves her daughter, and hopes to have her back and maybe thinks the only way she can get her back is if her daughter is willing to voice her desire to move back in with her at age 13.  Unfortunately DSD is caught in the middle.  In our situation, my fiance tried to foster a realtionship with BM and his daughter.  However, daughter WAS interested in visiting with her mom, but NOT interested in living with her mom.  When BM continued to make her feel guilty for not going back to live with her, daughter decided not to visit her BM at all.  This could all backfire on your BM if she pushes to hard.