House guests at 34w+? WDYT? [long]

pb_bride

DH & I visited my ILs in early August (they live 3 hrs away). When we were about to leave, MIL said they hope to come visit us (us = DH & I, + sis-in-law who lives near us) some time in Sept, but she hadn't discussed it w/FIL yet at that time.  I was kind of assuming she's thinking of early Sept/Labor Day w/e so I offered our place for them to stay if they do come.  [SIL lives in a small'ish 2br/1ba apt whereas we have 3br/2ba.]

Anyway, we haven't heard from them since so I asked SIL if she knows anything more.  She checked with MIL and today I got an email from MIL saying that the earliest they will come is after Sept 15.  They want to visit their longtime friends while they're here but those friends are OOT until Sept 15.  I will be 34w by then.

My parents were just visiting us the last few days.  At 30w, I'm pretty exhausted with hosting them.  We did a few hrs of sightseeing in the AM and we would go home so I could nap in the afternoon.  My parents are low-key and easygoing so they were fine with whatever plan and arrangement that fits me. My mom also helped me w/cooking and cleaning the dishes.

I'm now just a bit concerned how I can handle hosting my ILs when I'm 34weeks or later.  I know they don't expect me to wait on them but I'd feel obligated to "host" them.  I don't work so I'll be home all day; it's hard to tell them to entertain themselves while I go take a nap; or just tell them to cook and clean up in my  kitchen. 

I "casually" mentioned to DH this evening, that I'll be 34w if they come right at Sept 15.  DH didn't say anything and then changed the topic.  Perhaps he thinks it's NBD but I also know that he doesn't like to disagree or confront his parents

I know I was the one who invited them to stay with us but now I'm having second thoughts since they won't be coming out until mid-late Sept.  I don't think I can uninvite them, so I guess my only choice is to just suck it up?  Or perhaps I'm just over-thinking this and I should just go with the flow...  For those of you who are farther along than I am, how did you feel when you were 34/35w along?

stgn01

With my first pregnancy, I was 4 hours away from my parents and IL's.  Both sets would come to visit and we would either do stuff and entertain them, or hang out depending on how I felt.  I think it's not so much about how you feel/how comfortable you are so much as it's the relationship you have with them.

I have no problem telling my IL's I need a nap, or I'm not entertaining them that day because I don't feel good.  But either way, you already invited them.  You didn't say "you can stay with us as long as it's not past Labor Day."  

mlf625

I don't really see what the big issue would be, unless they're the type to trash your house or expect to be shuttled around and have home cooked meals every night.  They know you're pregnant, and if they're reasonable, will understand that the visit will be low-key.  I think it's more a matter of you letting go of the expectations you set for yourself and take the nap if you need to nap, send DH out to dinner with them when he gets home after work or have DH cook, etc.

I would've felt totally fine to have company 3 weeks ago.  But everyone's different and if you're truly not comfortable with it, your DH should probably be the one to address it.

cco42

I can understand where you're coming from. I think at 34 weeks you will be ok- yes you'll be tired and uncomfortable but maybe just tell your ILs that the house won't be spotless, and you'll be going out to eat instead of cooking and baking every meal. I would guess they'd understand. This is my third pregnancy and even though I'm only 30 weeks now, I remember being very tired of pregnancy by 34 weeks but not totally immobile or incapable of hosting people. If they want to go sightseeing, you can stay at home, etc. And let your hubby know it will be extra work for him since you'll be somewhat out of commission.... those are my thoughts! 

MichelleL1118

I'm 33.5w now, and I'm starting to feel pretty uncomfortable.  By 34/35w with DS, I definitely wouldn't have been comfortable hosting guests, and frankly, I wouldn't be comfortable hosting guests right now either. 

Starfish17

I would just go with the flow and let them come since you did invite them.  My in-laws were just here about 2 weeks ago and it was great - they helped out with DS, cooked dinner, and let me me rest.  I had no problem going to bed early when I wanted to.  I would have no problem with them coming back even later in the pregnancy.  I"m sure they don't expect you to entertain them 24 hours a day when they are there.

jw87

As long as you feel comfortable resting when you need to and not feeling the pressure to entertain then I would still welcome them.  I felt good at 34 weeks but everyone is different. 

jillychris

I would just tell them or have YH tell them that they are more than welcome, but that you have been really tired and worn down, and to expect that you will need a break in the afternoons to take a nap, and that you guys will probably order in for dinners. Just be upfront with them. I don't think they can expect you to be an up and about hostess at this point, and would hopefully understand!

moonrose2715

I agree with pp's that it really comes down to your expectations.  If you can take care of yourself and voice what you need when you need it, then hosting at 34 weeks shouldn't be a problem.  But if you don't feel comfortable saying you need a nap, or not cooking, etc, then figure out a way out of it.

Could you talk to SIL and have her ask them to stay with her?  She may have less space but that could be a better situation.  Not sure if you have that sort of relationship with her, but sometimes its easier to be honest with a "peer" about how you feel (and a woman may have a better idea of what you're going through even if they haven't done it themselves)...

I will be hosting my uncle and sort of my cousin (she isn't staying with me, but with my sister) when I am 33-34 weeks.  I admit to feeling a little wary because on the one hand my mom (who lives with me) claims I don't have to do anything, but I know the reality will be that I will be doing some amount of shuttling etc.  I just keep telling myself that I will take it day by day, and not offer to do anything I'm not up for.  But that is also factoring the reality of caring for my 2 year old.

Halle76

We just had guests and I was almost 36 weeks when they left. Hosting was not an issue and they were pretty needy. I wouldn't worry.

MrsAB1316

I just had house guests at 37.5 weeks and while it was exhausting to clean and prepare for the guest, it wasn't all that bad.  We just sat around the house talking and I took him out with me while I ran errands and kinda showed him the town, but nothing high maintenance.   Now, that weekend, we ended up in NYC which wore me the hell out, but other than that...just having a guest wasn't too much of an issue. 

Like pp said, just be up front about any limitations and you never know...your ILs may be able to help you knock out some of your to-do list.  

Jessica Swanlake

My house guests just left (my sister, and teenage niece & nephew). I am now 39.5 weeks and they were here for 6 days. For me it was not as hard because I am still working, so I had to make itineraries of things they could do that day anyway. We just followed a schedule- I would get up, make sure they had a nice breakfast ready and things to do for the day, check in regularly, and when I would get home I would sit outside with my sister and rest/gab instead of nap for an hour. Then dinner and a light activity like going down to the park/lake or something like that. My DH also took charge and took them places- he would take the kids kayakying or to the ice rink or on bike rides. My sister, being a mom, totally understood and helped out around the house.

The most important thing is that they understand that you are not there to be their tour guide. If they understand your limitations I am sure they will be willing to help out. And make sure you DH is involved- he can take them out after work. They are his parents after all.

kkfeb04

Not to be snarky but no one is more needy then a toddler, especially one under 2. Plenty of 2+ moms do it, you'll be fine. I work full-time. I worked 8 hours, went to the doctor and had my daughter 2 hours after I left work. DS was with me.

GRMama24

I definitely understand not wanting to overdo it, but I think that it might not be the issue of having guest, but more the issue of what our expectations are of ourselves.  Sure, you might not be the host you normally are, but they will most likely not expect that.  We had my whole side of the family over last weekend to stay with us, and I just asked for more help than normal.  My husband did the grilling, and my mom helped me prepare food.  We all went to bed earlier than we would have pre-pregnancy.  My sister helped clean up the house before they left.

 Sometimes you just need to be honest about what you can do and what you need help with and most likely-people are more than willing to help.  My MIL and FIL are coming to visit us this weekend, and I had DH let them know that we will be laying low but would love for them to do it with us!  I think that family just kind of gravitates towards you at this stage of pregnancy-even though sometimes at 30+ weeks we aren't that interesting (even a bit grumpy sometimes).  

That being said, if you get close to the date and just cannot handle it, say no. No one wants you to be miserable on their behalf.  But, you might surprise yourself at how chipper you really are at 35 weeks.  I have loved seeing family/friends and continue to look forward to it. 

So to sum it up. I will be 35 weeks on Saturday and still plan on hosting friends/family through the rest of pregnancy while sharing with them realistic expectations, asking for help when I need it, and if needed, saying no if it becomes too much. GL!

IncogNeato

Just tell them they are welcome to visit but you may need to take naps in the afternoon and aren't up for much sight seeing.

Totally not snarky, but I was working 10+ hour days at 36 weeks last time and while it was very tiring, it was doable. I'm pretty sure my toddler daughter also won't have any sympathy for me at the end of this pregnancy!

Oh, and make your DH help you tidy up before they arrive. 

ItsSoFluffy

Hi! I think you might still be ok at 34/35 weeks I was still working when I was that far along (believe me it was uncomfortable..! but manageable..). Not sure if you have pelvic pressure yet? That makes walking a little difficult and uncomfortable! But it's not going to get TOO unbearable until 37-39 weeks.. but everyone's different?? I didn't start feeling like a train wreck until 36-37 weeks, but then again i had PUPPPS at 36 weeks, so it might have had something to do with my exhaustion (itchiness = sleepless nights.. ahh!)

I completely understand your worry about house guests that late in your pregnancy though! My cousin came to stay with us a few weeks ago when I was 36-37 weeks, I was SO exhausted driving her around sightseeing and hosting in the heatwave we were having.. she's young, so she probably didn't know how exhausting it is to be pregnant, but I think your in-laws are older and have a sense of how tired you are (especially the women!) so don't feel bad if you need to take a nap. Good luck!

knitstrong

I hosted by brother-in-law for five days when I was 35 weeks and it was fine. We kept things pretty low-key and he had a great time just playing with his niece and coming along with us on our usual errands. I did most of the cooking and cleaning, though he helped with dishes sometimes, and he and my husband teamed up to make dinner one night.

I didn't nap much while he was here, but I caught up after he left and I'd have no hesitation doing it again, which is good, because my husband's best friend from college is coming for labor day weekend!

 I say keep the invitation open.

nealbl

Maybe you coud suggest a few days at your house and a few days at SIL's house. Just be upfront and say we really want to spend time with you guys, but I am afraid you are going to get bored here.  I am getting to be a little more uncomfortable and sleepy. So maybe we should a do a couple days with us so we can see you but then a couple days with SIL so you guys can have some fun. Be light hearted about it and see what they say.

ETA: Also if they are waiting till friends are in town they will probably be spending some time with them as well. Which would mean less hosting time for you.

RockyMtnMama

I think you're just overthinking and probably starting to feel tired in your 3rd tri.  I'd just go with the flow and plan to have them come - if you need/want a nap or break, just be honest and I bet your in-laws will sneak away to SILs or their friends or even just a walk to give you some time to relax. 

I had my ILs visit at around 36 weeks with my first and they were actually a lot of help - even installed a new dishwasher for us while they were visiting.

 

pb_bride

Thanks for all your replies!  Being a FTM, I just don't know what to expect, but I think I should be able to handle hosting my ILs!  I have great respect for all of you working moms and/or STM+ out there, I don't know how you do it all! 

GL to all of you to the rest of your pregnancy!

jlh2716

Eh, I don't see what the big deal is. I'd still be okay with guests over now, at 38 weeks. Unless they're usually bad house guests, like they trash your place or expect constant entertainment and the such. Just let go of the notion that you have to host this perfect little visit for them--I doubt they expect it!

Tarta

I think you'll be fine. Just be up front about your energy levels and that your hospitality level may be a bit "simpler." Don't go out of your way to make their stay a Martha Stewart experience. It'll be fine, and they may even help you out with getting things ready. Is your MIL a neatfreak? Have her help you deep clean or organize baby things/baby laundry etc. Is FIL handy? See if he can do some repairs or assemble something for the baby. They'll feel involved and you'll get more done.

I just had DH's 88 year old Korean grandmother here for 2 weeks. She is often a stressful houseguest for me because of the drastic cultural differences and the fact that she speaks little to no English. Our days at home while DH is at work are, needless to say...often frustrating. She frustrates my 3 1/2 year old too and some days I felt like I had two toddlers on my hands. But, DH gets to be with his grandma, DD spends valuable time with her last remaining grandparent on that side and our garden and yard is in beautiful shape after her toodling out there for 2 weeks. 

Even with the inconvenience of a houseguest, the inevitable blessing will be that the time passes much more quickly while they're there. Will you be glad to have your house to yourself when they leave? Yes, I'm sure you will, but I don't think you're too far gone to handle them at 34 weeks unless you have some overwhelming medical complications. 

hmp1

No one knows how you will feel at 34+ weeks. I would be totally fine having guests right now. You even said they are not the type to expect you to wait on them. Sounds like they could be helpful. I'm still pretty active too so its not like I need to take a nap everyday. We take DS on day trips still without a problem.

Are they coming back after the baby is born? That is the only thing I think seems odd about visiting so close before the baby is born.