Help with FIL...plz

triple7s

DH and I were married July 07. We welcomed our daughter this past July. We?re currently living with my parents so that I can take the year off to be with the baby and so we can save as much money as possible. It?s an ideal situation for us right now. We?re even trying to have another child while living with them.

 

Here?s our problem?FIL. He?s the most irrational, unkind, ?human being? on earth. He wants us or rather DH to go in with him on an ?investment??a family property. The property is 1 bedroom and 700 square feet. Big woop. $350 or so a month would be our share?along with everything else that comes along with homeownership. DH said no. We?re saving for OUR own home. FIL said he was ruining the dream of the family. Threatened to write us out of his life if we didn?t do it, would never be a part of our daughter's life, etc. He?s basically blackmailing us. DH really wants his family in his life?I can do without them to be perfectly honest. DH gave in and said YES. I was completely p!ssed. I told DH that $350 a month is ridiculous and that we should be saving for OUR family first. I told him this is not what I signed up for. To further prove my point, I told him I?d walk if he went in on this with his father. DH said he only said yes to keep the peace, but really doesn?t want to do it. We?re going over to talk to the in-laws on Saturday. I know it will be a complete blow out. I know they will scream at us. Bully us. I really want DH to stand his ground. But at the same time I don?t want him to lose his biological family. I feel so torn. I don?t want him to resent me forever if we are essentially kicked out of the family. But I don?t want to give in to the bullying. What would you do?

 

Oh and FIL already put DH's name on all paperwork having to do with the property months ago!

wishin&hopin2008

OMG, your FIL is a gem. 

Sherriberry

DH needs to get a backbone and you both need to stop living off them and get your own place. It really doesn't sound like an "ideal situation" if you're not happy.

triple7s

No we live with MY parents...who are normal. FIL is the @ss two towns over.

Sherriberry

Oh, sorry.....

DH still needs to get a backbone and stop letting his father bully him. Family sucks sometimes.

akiernan

If FIL is already putting your DH's name on all of the paperwork, I wouldn't hold it past him to forge your DH's signature out of desperation.

 

If this starts to get ugly, get a lawyer.  STAT.

Jessibell

Your DH needs to find the strength to do what is right for his wife and child. $350 a month is HUGE to a young family. If his family can't deal, so be it.

And, on a side note, I'd be pretty irritated with him if I were your parents. He lives with them but wants to throw money into his dad's investment? Not cool.

JoshnEllen

Wow!  FIL thinks that you should go in on a family place when you don't own your own home?!  Those are messed up priorities.  FIL should recognize the fact that owning your own home is more important than owning a family place together. 

And, btw, owning a place that is one bedroom and 700sq ft?  How many people in the family are going in on this?  Where are you all supposed to stay when you are there?

oceanlover

You two really need to get on the same page. Do you want to live with your parents forever? no, of course not. That $350 should go to your own place, I cannot believe your DH said yes knowing how you feel! wow....I would be livid.

GL!

Jessibell

And by the way, I completely sympathize. My IL's tore me to shreds on CHRISTMAS last year because I said that we would not go on vacation with them to Europe. I was 37 weeks pregnant when they went.

Erin Mary Ackerman

You don't have a FIL problem.   You have a straight up DH problem. 

What kind of communication do you have? DH "gave in" to his father to the detriment of his baby and wife? The huge red flag is your DH and his inability to put you and the baby as his first priority.

Talk to your DH.  It is FIL who is giving all the ultimatums, not you.  That money belongs to your nuclear family and therefore that is where it should stay.  I would not go to IL's this weekend-you will not accomplish anything.

DH needs to tell FIL politely but firmly that he will not be going in on the place.  If FIL whines, or screams etc DH simply puts down the phone.

You have to teach people how to treat you.  You need to teach your DH.  And DH needs to teach his dad.

 Oh, and move out of your parent's house.  You can save money in a small apartment and stand on your own two feet.   By living w/ your parents, you are givign them entre into your life and your FIL is trying to do the exact.same.thing. with your DH.

Grownups live in apartments on their own.  Don't have another kid yet if you can't afford to do what you want. 

triple7s

DH regrets giving in...which is now why we're in the position of having to go back to FIL. I'm afraid that FIL will write DH off and that he'll resent "our" decision and we'll feel guilty. This is why I posted.

I can save 3x more money living here...so this is where we're staying...my parents have 5 bedrooms for the 2 of them...we pay half the bills, etc. Plus my mom has health issues...our being here is beneficial to all parties at the moment. We do plan on moving in 2009.