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January 2013 Moms
Maybe a vent, maybe a woe-is me, maybe both...
This will probably be long. My hormones are making everything seem worse.
I'm not even sure where to start but I've been feeling miserable over the last couple of weeks. Things justt seem to pretty much not be going my way at all. My DH and I moved to a new city last year, I came in September and he came early this year in February when he was finally able to get a job transfer. My grandfather has lung and brain cancer and I didn't want to be so far away from my family during this time. We owned a house and decided that we would rent it out so that if we wanted to move back it was still there. We had bought the house a year before and spent every dime we had (and some dimes we didn't!) fixing it up ourselves... we did a complete gut down to the studs and everything was brand new.
Well the tenants we had never paid us any rent. It took us almost 6 months to get them evicted by the Landlord Tenant Board (I'm from Ontario), and when we got the house back it was completely destroyed all over again. There were clogs in every drain, they had flooded our basement, broken a window, damaged the new hardwood and the house was covered in fleas. I guess I should have mentioned that these were friends of my DH. Their daughters were the flower girls at our wedding. It upset me more that they showed such little respect for us and our property than it did that they never paid us rent. After another 2 1/2 months of DH and I having to travel 4 hours all the way back and forth on days off work down there to fix everything again, we have finally put the house on the market this week.
During the time that we were not getting any rent, we were still paying that mortgage on the house, plus our rent for our place here. My parents own the building that we live in. It's a complete dump in a bad part of town, but I have tried to make it as nice as I can. Every time though, I ask for anything, it's a big deal. My ILs have been so incredibly supportive, they have helped us pay our mortgage on the house and helped with some of the bills. They have bought us groceries and stuff. On the other hand, my mom hasn't really helped much at all. I don't ask for much because, like I said, it's always a big deal. Just yesterday I went to get my mail from the box in the front hallway. Our building is a triplex with three apartments on top of the other. None of our mailboxes have locks on them. One of my letters was opened. This has happened before. I don't know if its other tenants opening my mail or if it's someone coming in from outside, because the building isn't secured. I asked my mom if they could put in mailboxes that have locks on them. She said if I wanted to buy a padlock for mine, I could. There's no way to padlock shut this mailbox. We had no screen in our bathroom window and bugs galore were getting into our house (we live in the basement unit). I've had bugs crawling on me in the middle of the night and stuff. I told my mom we needed a bathroom screen because I didn't want bugs crawling all over my baby. It took months, and the one we have now doesn't even fit right. Our countertop leaks and everything in the cupboards underneath gets wet, but we still don't have a new one. So many other things are wrong with it too.
Recently I had to leave my job early on a sick leave because I'm unable to do my work anymore (I worked in shipping, was heavy lifting, bending, etc. all day long and it started to make me dizzy and faint), and my doc said "no more". So now I'm not bringing in any money, and my DH is the "sole breadwinner". We were already struggling with all of our bills, mortgage, etc. so when I told my mom that our rent might be late this month with me not working, it was the end of the world.
I want to move, but until our house sells we can't afford any other place to live (the rent for this apartment is waaaay less than a similar one anywhere else in our city, but not because we got a break on rent because we are family - we're actually paying more than the last tenants who were here). Our upstairs neighbours who are also friends of mine have a son who stomps and runs around ALL day long, and it's not just regular walking around noise, it's LOUD. I don't want to say much about it because she's the kind of person who takes that kind of thing really personally and would get pissed at me, and I'm also non-confrontational.
I just feel in the dumps. I sit at home on sick leave now, I feel all alone (except for DH), that I'm not getting any support (except some money help from his parents who are 4 hours away now). I've never minded a little struggle and I don't expect everything handed to me, but it would just be nice to feel, once in a while, that someone cares or that something is easy. I try to get out with a couple of old girlfriends, but because I was living away for so long, I don't have many friends left in town and they are all busy a lot of the time.
Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Maybe a vent, maybe a woe-is me, maybe both...
I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this. To me it sounds like you are stressed to the max and who can blame you. Money woes can be stressful at anytime especially when family isn't understanding and you have a baby on the way. Is there anything you can do to help bring in some cash? What about babysitting for a neighbor during the day? I bet you would feel better about yourself and the situation if you felt like you were helping to contribute to the household.
Keep your chin up.
Our house building adventure (UPDATED 8/20/12)
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I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It sounds terrible! I know your doctor said that you can't do your normal shipping job, but have you looked at all for another job? It sounds like maybe sitting at home on sick leave and being in the place that you hate is only making things worse. Other than getting another job, could you go to the library or do you have a friend who's home during the day that you could go hang out there a few times a week? In a time where there's not much you can do about your awful situation, it might just be best to distance yourself from the problem for part of each day.
Other than that, I'm sending lots of happy good vibes to your house that it will sell very soon. It sounds like that would solve a lot of your problems. *HUGS*
http://aminsarah.blogspot.com/
I think this is good advice.
If you were working you might be able to afford to move, I would not stay in my parent's basement rental if they weren't making it worth it with a discount. It sucks that they aren't as generous as DH's parents, but some people have different values; I doubt you parents care any less, just differently.
***HUGS***
I know you said that you wanted to be there for your family, but it sounds like much of your family isn't being there for you. Is there a chance you could move back to your old house and husband could find a better job back where you were and you have your ILs? I can't believe your parents are letting their daughter live in a slum. There are laws against some of the stuff you described. I work in real estate and there is a federal law, the Landlord Tenant Act. Look it up and maybe send it to your mom. What's she's doing is wrong. She has to secure your house, i.e windows, mailbox, front entrance. She also has to keep your house safe and leaking anything causes mold. All of these are violations. Anything that can make your home unlivable or unsafe is a violation of the LTA. Mom or not, this is not okay... it's actually worse that it's your own mother making you live like that. Good luck!