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2nd Trimester
kneenah1231
member
21wk loss I may have made a huge mistake
kneenah1231
member
Ive been on this site since i was 3wks pregnant.. I dont really post things i just read what i can relate to and reply to somethings. This time i really need some words from your ladies..
My story.. I was dx with PCOS yrs ago.. never came out pregnant until i met my current boyfriend who is the light of my eyes. We did 3 rounds of clomid last year and got our BFP but sadly mc at 8wks... We gave time to heal then tried again. First round of clomid 100mg bfp... I made it up to 21wks 1day until yesterday. rewind a little before i explain what happen yesterday.. starting at 18 weeks or earlier i was complaining to my High risk dr my panties were wet by the time i mad it home from work. I am a receptionist. She said it was discharge even after i told her it was watery. I later started to notice i was peeing alot with out even consuming liquid told her, she cked for uti. Then 20wk 5days had my a/s, its a boy yayay.. went on a long weekend trip came back complaining of pressure on my pelvic. Monday I made 21wks. i started to get back pain and threw up my food, that night i had braxton hicks for 3 hrs 30mins apart. 21wks 1days which was tuesday i was still getting tons of pressure and left my job early bcause of back pain. I called the dr she told me since i am 21wks i should go to the hospital before i called her i was intending to go anyway. When i got to the hospital they cked my fluid it was good but when they cked my cervix i was 4cm open and my sac was bulging. They gave me a few options i can wait at the hospital to try and make it to 23wk and 5days they will give me steriods and mature the babys lungs and see how far i can hold, but if i get an infection before then doesnt matter how far along i am they taking the baby out or i can induce.. the hubby and i took about 4 or 5 hrs and thought he left wait it out because had i not come into the hospital i would have been home and who knows how far i would have made it.. so they put us in a reg room.. my boss came to see me who is a dr the hospital. He spoke to my attending ob and was told that all they were waiting for was for me to get an infection any moment thats how bad my situation was. He suggested i induced knowing the baby wouldnt survive because the lungs werent developed. The risk of me getting an infection and possibly scaring my uterus or lossing it was higher then my babys chance to live. They also told me if i do make it do 23wks my baby can have brain damage or other defects. i didnt want that life for my baby so we went with induction..
It procedure lasting about 8 hrs. I was given epi and didnt even know my water broke and my baby was sitting in btw my legs until the dr came in to ck my cervix. I was able to hold my baby boy.
I just got home and have been reading so many successful stories and micro premies that i now feel i may have made the wrong choice. I am absolutely broken inside.. I come home with a memory box instead of hope my baby makes it thru nicu..
The discharge papers say it was PROM but doesnt give a reason why. In two weeks i have a appt with a new high risk dr she was actually chairman of the ob department in the hospital i have tons of questions...
Anyone with a micr premie can give me their success stories so i can keep in mind for next time..
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 21wk loss I may have made a huge mistake
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! God Bless.
I don't have any experience with micro preemies, but I am SO SORRY for your loss.
I don't think that anyone can tell you that you did the right thing or the wrong thing. I am sorry that you're wrestling with the decision.
You made the best decision you could with the information available to you. Please believe that and don't think about the what if's. The truth is there is no way to know how things would have gone. We spent time in the NICU with DD because of her health condition and in that time saw some micro-preemies that were thriving and others that didn't make it very long. It was heart-breaking to see the parents go through that. Hopefully with time you will find peace with your decision but I'm sure that with it being so recent it's going to be natural for your mind to wander towards the what-if's.
I am so sorry for the lose of your son. You did not make a mistake, you took the information they gave you and thought of your sons best interest. No preemie story is the same and just because one 23 weekend survived with no problems at all there are others that did not. I have worked in a NICU for 8 years and have seen some true miracles but also great heartbreak. It is impossible to foresee what could of happened.
Many times there is no reason for PROM. I would write all of your questions down that you think of before you talk with the OB so when you are there you do not get overwhelmed and forget what you wanted to ask. Don't blame yourself! Does your hospital have a pregnancy loss support group? Talking with others that have gone through this will be very helpful. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
You did not make a mistake. A condensed version of the below is in my signature and even this isn't the full version but I wanted to share my story with you.
Although I was not quite as early as your son, I am a twin and a micro preemie. We were born at 26 weeks (our mother went into labour at 25 weeks), and yes, we had a long stay in the NICU (5+ months, 1.5 years on oxygen once home) and lots of early intervention as kids, but I'm here today. You are incredibly lucky that you had the chance to hold your son - my parents did not get that chance until many weeks after we were born and they would not take my mom to us until they had assessed our difficulties (we were born via c-section, so my dad so us when they pulled each of us out).
Both my brother and I are successful professionals and have overcome the challenges that we had (low tone as kids, learning challenges with school).
Have hope because it is possible.
ETA: The miscarriage/pregnancy loss may also help you heal. They've been there before.
My super all about me birth story:
Then: Fraternal twins born at 26 weeks in 1983. Me: 640 grams. Brother: 840 grams. Family kept watch in the NICU for 5 months before being allowed to go home. On oxygen for a year and a half after being released.
Now: Me: PhD student and married. Brother: Lawyer and married.
Dad's wedding speech: Thank you to all the family who stood watch and prayed for our children's survival. Well now the little scrawny chicken is married. Who would've thought? (Thanks dad for making me laugh and cry at the same time).
My BFP Chart
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
You did not make a mistake. I've done a lot of volunteering and clinical hours in the NICU and, no matter what you read on the internet, most micro preemies DO NOT make it. Maybe one in ten. I have never seen one make it before 23 weeks. At 25 weeks the baby has a 50% chance of survival - and that's survival, not living a normal life. Within that 50%, most of the babies have brain damage or serious health issues for the rest of their lives. Survival rates drop dramatically every week before that. Keep that in mind before you read the "my baby turned out fine at 23 weeks!" stories on the internet. Those women ARE THE MINORITY.
You decided not to risk losing the ability to conceive in the future. As difficult as that decision is, imagine if you had tried to wait it out, suffered through weeks of watching your baby try to breathe and eventually pass away and then, on top of that pain, lost your ability to try again. It's an impossible choice for a mother to make, but you chose the chance to try again and we're all praying for you to have a full-term successful pregnancy next time.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. PLEASE visit the Loss board, there are tons of wonderful ladies over there who have been my saving grace for the last 9 months.
I lost my son last year at 22 weeks 4 days and I know the pain you are now feeling. I passed what looked like a mucus plug at 22 weeks- went to the hospital, they checked me, baby was fine, cervix long/closed. The next few days I noticed my discharge was somewhat watery, but I chalked it up to pg body changes. The day of my loss I had a lot of BH contractions. Nothing timeable and not painful. I drank water and laid down, they went away. But later that evening they came back, along w/ cramps and lower back pain. I went to L&D but by the time I got there I was 4 cm w/ the bag bulging.
They didn't give me any options. They said I was going to deliver and there was nothing they could do. Not that options would have made a difference in my case since my water broke about an hour after being admitted and my son was born shortly thereafter. They warned me about the survival rates; they flat out told me my son had a 0% chance. They do not attempt any resuscitation on babies born before 24 weeks. But there was no decision to be made since my baby died during the delivery.
It was the most horrific experience of my life and I never expected that to happen to me. I had a healthy uncomplicated pg w/ DD and had no issues during that pg up until that point. We got no answers then or at any of my follow up appts. as to why I went into preterm labor. That was hard to accept.
Please don't feel bad about choosing to induce and get the epidural. When they told me my son wouldn't survive I was in a state of disbelief. Had there been an option to just "get it over with" and not have to feel anything I would've opted for it, but there wasn't any time. So I went through the whole thing med-free and on top of being extremely traumatic it was also excruciatingly painful.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm so glad that you held your son though- I only held mine for a short while but I am so glad I did. I wish I had held him longer. Did you name your son?
Again, please visit the Loss board- you will find a lot of ladies who have been through something like this and will relate to what you are now going through and will continue to go through for months and years to come. Also, feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to chat.
Thank you everyone for your honest and kind words.. I agree with you all that i made the best choice for myself and my son. Being it just happen its hard to except..
Weddedwife Thanks soooooo much for sharing your story.. It sounds so similar I dont know how to pm ppl... but would like to chat with you... how do i pm???
I'm a NICU nurse and all I can say is I would 100 have made the same decision you did. There are some Miricle 23wk babies....but for every one of them there are multiple bad outcomes for babies that young.
I don't know if you ever get past the "what if" but please seek out someone to talk to durin this time many hospitals have infant loss groups or find a private counseler. Allow yourself time to grieve. The loss board on the bump is supposed to be amazing.
My thoughts are with you.
I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your son. My heart is breaking for you. I wish I had success stories for you but the truth is the majority of babies born at that gestational age do not survive. I know far too many women who lost their precious little ones right on the cusp of viability.
I will say that my ex's cousin was born very premature, I can't remember her gestational age but she weighed right around 1 lb. She is still alive today (I think she'd be about 7-8 years old) but she is completely blind and has many severe developmental delays (can't walk unassisted or talk).
Please don't beat yourself up over your decision. As hard as it was (and I can't even imagine how hard it was) I really think you did the right thing for you, your son and your reproductive health.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping you get some good answers at your meeting with the high risk doctor ((HUGS)).
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
This exactly. I am so sorry you even had to make that choice. I wish you the best!
I read this yesterday and just didn't know what to say, I haven't stopped thinking of you and your son, I am so sorry you had to go through this, please know you are not alone and there are wonderful women on here who have been through this and are there for you.
I may not have went through this but If you need a friend to just listen to you, please let me know.
Sorry saw this just now. Find my response to your post and in the bottom right corner click Contact choose send a private message. You can access your PMs at the very bottom of the left hand column of message boards where it says check private messages. FWIW I can read them from my phone but somehow can't create one or reply to one, have to do it on a normal computer.