STMs, ever heard of forcing ideas via gifts?

zonagirlie

Wondering if this happened to anyone.

We were in Target looking at baby stuff, cos that's what we do now , this weekend and I was a little shocked.

So we're wandering and we see two older, mid 50s-ish, women walking in front of us talking about the shower they're going to later on. Woman #1 says to #2, "Well, she registered for these, but I don't like those, so I'll get her these since that's what our kids used and they're by far better. She'll just have to use it."

0_o

So they didn't like the bottles she had registered for, some of those natural nipple ones, and Target had a bunch of the bag fill, drop in ones with cartoons on them on sale and apparently this lady had used them and they worked so she bought a ton to force the mom to use hers rather than the ones she registered for.

Does this actually happen commonly or was this a weird-ass fluke? 

littlemaybaby

Yep - definitely happens.  I got some bottles with cutesy prints on them too from one of my older shower guests.  Registries are just guides for people and there is no obligation for people to buy off of them.  Was it frustrating that there were 3 different types of bottles on my registry and an older woman picked out what she liked because of the cute animals printed on the plastic?  Yes.  But it was a gift, so what can you do?  

Best case scenario - hope you get gift receipts.  Because if you don't have a GC and it's an item that wasn't on your registry, you are likely going to be keeping stuff like that. 

mindy0711

LindsRockies:

littlemaybaby:

Yep - definitely happens.  I got some bottles with cutesy prints on them too from one of my older shower guests.  Registries are just guides for people and there is no obligation for people to buy off of them.  Was it frustrating that there were 3 different types of bottles on my registry and an older woman picked out what she liked because of the cute animals printed on the plastic?  Yes.  But it was a gift, so what can you do?  

Best case scenario - hope you get gift receipts.  Because if you don't have a GC and it's an item that wasn't on your registry, you are likely going to be keeping stuff like that. 

This.

I think it's really sh!tty to balk at any gift that's given to you.  It's a gift, be grateful. 

Agreed! And if they were the Playtex Drop Ins, the mother might end up liking them.  With DD I had registered for Dr. Brown's bottles.  I EBF and when she did take a bottel for the first time (6 weeks) she HATED Dr.Brown's so out of desparation I tried the Drop Ins (slow nipple) and she actually drank out of it.  So from then on out that is what we used.  Target allowed me to return the Dr. Brown's bottles in exchange for more Playtex Drop In ones.

mrsodonnell12

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

ashdonne

Yes it happens---goes along with the whole "My kid used this so its the best" thought process.  Just return things---not really that big of a deal.

zonagirlie

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Yeah... this was more my thing. If she'd registered for something specific like CDs or the natural nipple which helps with EBF to bottle transitions, she needs them specifically. All the other stuff, I could care less, but if you register for CDs, don't buy someone disposables! Oy.

I really thought it was just so weird how haughty the woman was. Your way is not the only way. Gift or not. 

JennV514

Yep, it happens. Often. I got many many products I did not register for, nor want. No biggie- I just returned them!

goocran7

Well, there's always regifting!

Jen748

Yup. Happens a lot!

zonagirlie

goocran7:

Well, there's always regifting!

Good call! And donating the good quality stuff to those in need.

mrsodonnell12

PrivacyWanted:

zonagirlie:

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Yeah... this was more my thing. If she'd registered for something specific like CDs or the natural nipple which helps with EBF to bottle transitions, she needs them specifically. All the other stuff, I could care less, but if you register for CDs, don't buy someone disposables! Oy.

I really thought it was just so weird how haughty the woman was. Your way is not the only way. Gift or not. 

I don't think people really think about why someone registered for something - they just know what they liked (even if I don't like that they push their views).

I'll admit I have on occasion said something when overhearing similar conversations (obviously strangers). Along the lines of "Oh, when I registered for the natural nipple it was because I knew I wanted to EBF/pump and those are supposed to help. I heard you can't use the fast nipple in that case".

I completely agree with the bolded section... I would never assume someone got me bottles that were not for EBF babies to try and push that I FF instead. What I dont like is people buying disposable diapers and sayings its because "you will never last at CD"... I just think thats rude.

TofuMama7

The step-mother of one of my friends was trying to persuade my friend to CD (which she wasn't really interested in) and decided that the big present from her and my friend's dad would be a year of a cloth diaper service.  Very generous for sure, but odd (and a little irritating to my friend) since she knew my friend didn't want to CD.

zonagirlie

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

zonagirlie:

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Yeah... this was more my thing. If she'd registered for something specific like CDs or the natural nipple which helps with EBF to bottle transitions, she needs them specifically. All the other stuff, I could care less, but if you register for CDs, don't buy someone disposables! Oy.

I really thought it was just so weird how haughty the woman was. Your way is not the only way. Gift or not. 

I don't think people really think about why someone registered for something - they just know what they liked (even if I don't like that they push their views).

I'll admit I have on occasion said something when overhearing similar conversations (obviously strangers). Along the lines of "Oh, when I registered for the natural nipple it was because I knew I wanted to EBF/pump and those are supposed to help. I heard you can't use the fast nipple in that case".

I completely agree with the bolded section... I would never assume someone got me bottles that were not for EBF babies to try and push that I FF instead. What I dont like is people buying disposable diapers and sayings its because "you will never last at CD"... I just think thats rude.

Totally rude. I wouldn't even know how to react if someone said something like that to me. 

mrsodonnell12

TofuMama7:

The step-mother of one of my friends was trying to persuade my friend to CD (which she wasn't really interested in) and decided that the big present from her and my friend's dad would be a year of a cloth diaper service.  Very generous for sure, but odd (and a little irritating to my friend) since she knew my friend didn't want to CD.

Ugh that is so irritating! CD is not for everyone.... if someone had tried to push CD on me when I had DS it would have made me not want to even more.

janecanadian

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Do you mean infuriating?  Unless it is in fact making you feel inferior!  Sorry couldn't resist:)

 OP-Yes this happens all the time.  But it's a gift so even when I get things I don't want or need I am grateful for their generosity but it doesn't mean you have to use it.  So really, no ones "forcing" you to do anything by getting you a gift.

mrsodonnell12

janecanadian:

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Do you mean infuriating?  Unless it is in fact making you feel inferior!  Sorry couldn't resist:)

 OP-Yes this happens all the time.  But it's a gift so even when I get things I don't want or need I am grateful for their generosity but it doesn't mean you have to use it.  So really, no ones "forcing" you to do anything by getting you a gift.

BAHAHA! Whoops!!

sbevmc09

I assume it happens and can totally see how it would.  I know the thought has crossed my mind before to gift someone with something that was helpful to us, but maybe they didn't know about, but then thought that it would be better not to considering it could be something they're just not interested in, i.e. it would be forcing my ideas of how to parent on them. 

smwiggle

I will normally get something off the person's registry and then Sophie the Giraffe.  If someone doesn't want to use it, then they don't have to.  It won't hurt my feelings.  Sometimes it is good to get a variety of things.  Just because you think it is great, doesn't mean your LO will.  But, I agree if people know you are wanting to cloth diaper or BF, then it is rude to buy diapers or formula if they think you can't do it or that they know better.  

erkie

mrsodonnell12:

janecanadian:

mrsodonnell12:

PrivacyWanted:

It happened to me a lot.  Well actually hardly anyone even bothered with my registry at all. But I got a lot of disposible diapers "because you'll never CD", formula (I EBF'd), bottles I hadn't registered for...oh and a bumbo when the person knew I don't care for them

Oh my gosh that is SOOO annoying... why do people thinkthey can say stuff like that to moms? I DONT GET IT. My cousins and aunts already have bets on how long I will last CDing. It's inferiorating....

Do you mean infuriating?  Unless it is in fact making you feel inferior!  Sorry couldn't resist:)

 OP-Yes this happens all the time.  But it's a gift so even when I get things I don't want or need I am grateful for their generosity but it doesn't mean you have to use it.  So really, no ones "forcing" you to do anything by getting you a gift.

BAHAHA! Whoops!!

I actually like the word inferiorating.