3 yr old/independent play

beachybride1

hi - rarely post but wondering if this is the norm... does your 3 yr old play independently?  We have tons of toys, books, etc..  but my 3 yr old son refuses to play without myself or my husband or sitter.  We have a 2 mo old so I'm sure that is part of the problem, but really - he's always been this way.  I just always thought it was the norm but it seems to be worse lately (prob due to the baby).  Many of my friends with kids the same age don't seem to have this problem.  Their kids will play by themselves, do art projects, etc..  I've tried to have him help me do stuff, which is fine, or play with him for awhile and then say, ok 5 more minutes and then mommy will go do xyz and you can play by yourself.  He freaks out and refuses.  If I leave him to go take care of laundry, chores, etc.. he just follows me around and grabs my arm to try to get me to stop what I am doing and play.  Is this the norm for this age?  I know the baby is part of it, but otherwise..are your kids able to play by themselves for a bit throughout the day?

zoe_cat

My DD is 4.5 years old and does not play independently.  She always needs DH or me to play with her.  I do the same as you...I make a point to play with her and devote all of my attention to her for a while, then I will tell her I need to take care of other things for a while.  I will give her suggestions for things she can do on her own but she never wants to do them.  She'll kind of drag herself around aimlessly until I can play with her again.  I find it tiring and frustrating.  Obviously I want to play with her, but it's not realistic that I can be her constant playmate all day long.  I'm sorry I don't have any advice.  I'm interested to hear others' experiences with this too.

kmhunt11

It seems to vary by kid.  Mine only plays independently once in a blue moon.  It drives me a little batty sometimes.  Today for instance, I had some dental work done and just felt terrible.  DH is working late late, so I was on my own with the girls.  DD1 had more energy than 10 kids put together which is fine and usually cute,  but she was just in my face- like literally.  Love my kid, but I sure could have used a mellow mood tonight

LoCarb

Mine is only learning to play independently as of recently.She prefers if I am in the same room.

rsd12

Well, since I have three boys close in age it is a bit different since they play with each other. But, my youngest almost 3 always follows me around... he prefers to play wherever I am. So I think it is normal, but each kid is different! Should get better as they get older.

wall0307

My 3 year old plays on his own quite a bit, but I have to be in the same room.  He tells me he's lonely and doesn't want to be by himself. 

Leila'sMommy

Mine will play independently as long as she wants to - she's always been that way. I'll do an hour of house cleaning and she'll sit on the couch with her little reader thing and read away, she's so good at entertaining herself.

On the other hand, she's constantly talking So while she plays independently, she always is asking me questions and wanting answers. So it isn't completely quiet play time.

SparkleButtsMama

You're definitely not alone - my 3 year old daughter rarely plays on her own. She much prefers mommy as her playmate in all things. I also do the whole "ok, mommy will play with for x amount of time, but when time's up I have to do xxx and you need to play by yourself. Ususally, when I get up to go, she'll throw a fit and then just follow me around while I do things. Every now and then she will stay and play on her own, but that's rare. I'm not sure it's the age, I really think it's the child and the environment that the child grows up in. My daughter has been constantly surrounded by me, my husband, and my mom since day one and she's our only child. My friend, however has two children, a husband who works very long hours, and family who live to far to be a daily presence. She has an insanely busy job, and a very full social life so my friend is always, always, busy either doing stuff at home or she is at work - she just doesn't have the time to play with her kids as much as I do. As a result, her almost 3 year old can and has been able to play completely by herself for as long as my friend will let her. Her 8 year old is the same way.

neverblushed

This is an interesting question.  From observing my own kids, I think that there are at least two factors that influence how well a child plays independently.  I have one child, DD, who is pretty much an A.W., even now that she's older.  My DS has always been more independent in his play, even when he was a baby.  Here are my thoughts:

1) Child's temperament is a huge factor.  My DS has a rich imaginary life and spends a lot of his time quietly off in his own little world.  DD is a chatty-patty and thrives on interaction with others, especially older kids and adults.   

2) Oldest children are sometimes less adept at independent play because they have one-on-one attention from a parent/caregiver for at least part of their lives.  This may be less true for families with children spaced close together.  But I think the longer the firstborn goes before a sibling comes along, the more likely that child is to rely on the parent to be a playmate.  I know I unwittingly fostered this type of dependence in my oldest because I just wanted to do EVERYTHING with this miraculous creature I had created, KWIM?

I used to worry about my DD's inability to play on her own, but once school started she had lots of other people around to entertain her, and less free time for me to fill.  Her dependence on an adult seemed most extreme when she was about 3. 

beachybride1

Great insights, thanks for your thoughts...I am trying to be easygoing with it since he has a new sister and needs the attention now, am hoping it eases up once he starts school a few mornings a week in the fall...

NerdyMama2

DS will play alone, as long as I'm nearby. 

zach'swife

Great post, I'm so glad you asked. I've been trying to foster independent play more and more recently. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm hoping it is an age/stage-related thing.