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Anyone else find it rude??

I have one week left of my first trimester! YAY! But now that more people are finding out I keep getting asked "Did you plan it??" I find it kind of rude to ask that. I get that we are young (we are both 23) but I've been married to my DH for a almost a year and a half before we got pregnant, and even if we weren't I don't remember when that part became their business...I just find it to be kind of a rude question.
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Re: Anyone else find it rude??

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    Eh, it is kind of invasive, but in the world of FB and Twitter, comments like that in real life aren't too surprising.  Many people don't filter their thoughts well these days.  Oh well, maybe one of the other ladies has something clever to say, but I'm tired tonight so I'm no help there. ;)
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    I've received the same kind of response many times and it is a hard one to answer. I absolutely agree with you, it really isn't anyone's business if it was planned or not. The bottom line is that it is a blessing and how it occurred should be of little concern to anyone other than you and your sir. People want to control other people's actions to the point where it IS rude. Thank you social network america for everyone and their kitchen sink having an opinion about someone else's life.

    I generally answer with, "I wasn't trying not to, and this is such a blessing for us" 


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     A coworker had asked another coworker if they were trying and I found it rude.  
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    Was just lurking and I have to say, I HATE this question. While we didn't really expect to get pregnant ... we would have taken obviously a few more precautions if we thought having a baby was a bad thing. We are married and have been for over a year, but we're young also so I think that's why people want to know ( DH is 23 and I am 21) but it really is none of their business. Planned or not babies are a blessing and we are happy as ever to be lucky enough to have one. I used to get the question " Did you guys want a baby" "Were you trying" etc on a daily basis but the good news is the further along you go the less you get it because your pregnancy is "old news" now people just want to know boy/girl what names you are choosing etc. :)
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    It is definitely a rude question. Unfortunately it is also common. You can either answer it or ask them a rude question back, like "How is that any of your business?" Make them feel bad and point out their question was inappropriate.

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    Just to offer a slightly different perspective: perhaps they're trying to gauge how to react to your news.  Knowing whether the pregnancy was planned or not would be the difference between excited/encouraging (planned) or sympathetic/encouraging (unplanned).

    Congratulations can be very difficult for people who have surprise pregnancies.  

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    I find it rude, yeah, but I don't think the people asking it are TRYING to be rude--- just nosy.

    I don't think having a planned pregnancy versus having a surprise pregnancy changes how you (and others) should feel about it, so I would respond with, "Why does it matter to you?" Most likely, their response will be, "It doesn't. I was just wondering." To which you can answer however you'd like. 

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    It's rude.  

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    It's pretty invasive but in our "share everything" world people think it's their business.   People knew we were trying to get pregnant with our first, they asked if we wanted to have kids right away after getting married.  We miscarried and my grandmother had gotten sick in the same month.  We found out we were pregnant the day after she passed.  People said thinkgs like "Surely this wasn't planned, with your miscarriage and grams being sick and all...." like it was taboo for us to  have sex after a miscarriage.  So far only one person has asked if this pregnancy is planned (DS is 8.5 months old) but I'm sure we will get a lot of it.  It gets really fun when you are showing and strangers ask, especially if you look young for your age.  Most people guess that I am 18 rather than 27 so I'm sure having a big belly and an infant will get me a lot of sideways glances.  Oh well, I feel incredibly blessed to be in the situation I'm in.
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    I think it's incredibly rude, and I've even had people go so far as to assume that our baby was unplanned (even though it was definitely planned). We're 23 (me) and 24 (DH) and have only been married since September. Even though we've been together since high school, I really think people assume you're having an "oops" baby if you've been married less than a year and you're under 30. At first the question/assumption even kind of intimidated me and I'd just say, "I don't control the timing of these things and we're really really excited." I should probably be really upfront about saying that the baby was planned, but I guess other people's rudeness makes me feel awkward. 

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    imageWhatever+Ever:

    Just to offer a slightly different perspective: perhaps they're trying to gauge how to react to your news.  Knowing whether the pregnancy was planned or not would be the difference between excited/encouraging (planned) or sympathetic/encouraging (unplanned).

    Congratulations can be very difficult for people who have surprise pregnancies.  

    I think this is the reason a lot of people ask. And then there are plenty who are just nosy. If it's one of those types, there are lots of snarky replies that are suggested around here, including: "Well, we were having lots of unprotected sex, so it was bound to happen sometime!" or, along the same lines, "Are you really that curious about my sex life? How's yours going?"

    When we had DD, DH was 32, I was 28, and we had been married for almost 5 years, so none of our friends or family asked. They assumed she was planned (she was). I was asked once, though, by this guy I don't even know very well. I laughed and told him I had heard of people asking that question but had never actually been asked. He was really embarrassed and apologized. When I asked why he asked, he said there was no real reason, it was just a question that popped into his head.

     


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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    I hate this question! I'm 30, married, and already have a 15 month old. Why the F*** do you think this baby wasn't planned? Don't most people have two kids?
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    I do find it rude and it's not anyone's business.

    With that said, it's pretty public knowledge that MH and practice NFP. We're pretty vocal about it because we LOVE it, and I think one of the reasons people are so skeptical about it (even Catholics), is because no one talks about it. When people knew we were practicing NFP, they were taking bets on whether we would have a "honeymoon" and/or "oops" baby. MH and I have flat out told people that is was planned so that our experience can speak to others about the validity and effectiveness of NFP. I think after hearing that our pregnancy was planned after 3 years of using NFP to avoid, our family (especially my mom) finally get that NFP "works." I'm proud of our family, our baby, and the fact that we practice NFP and how it has transformed our lives so beautifully. I love being a witness to that through our family.

    However, I know we're a bit different in this way, and in general I think that asking "was is planned" as a random or uninvited question is very rude. 

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    I agree that it is rude, but I don't think they are trying to be rude. When a friend of mine got pregnant (in a completely non planned way), I asked her how she felt about it. If she was excited, I would be too. If she was freaking out, I would be the support she needed.

    IMO, it's like people trying to feel your belly. It's none of their business, but they will still ask/try to touch. People are crazy.

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    It is a bit of a rude question. I haven't had anyone ask me this (even though I'm extremely young, only 20). But in my town, sadly, it's the typical thing to see girls pregnant really young.

    There's girls in MIDDLE school pregnant here. Half the girls I graduated with were pregnant/had a baby (one girl was on baby #4, had one each year of high school). I had my first at 18, after my DH and I got engaged (and I was on BC... so really unplanned, lol!). So while I see that it is a rude, nosy, in your face question, at least it's more common where you are Sad

    That being said, if someone asked me this, I would probably just walk away. Rude, I know, but so were they Stick out tongue And far less rude than some of the snarky things I could say, with all my mood swings.

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    I find that question entirely rude! I have a son already and his father and I are no longer together and he was unplanned and everyone asked about it all the time. I am expecting again and although the father and I haven't been together a long time this baby was completely planned. It really bugs me that people think that it is their business or that it makes a difference. Is the daily life of the general population so boring that the sex life of others really gives them their daily highlight?
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    Yep it's a pretty rude question even though people may not intend to sound rude. I agree with a couple of the posts above where some people may just want to determine where "congratulations" and excitement are in order. But a better way to gauge this would simply be to ask. "Are you excited!?" How the person responds to this will tell me whether I can give them a super excited congratulations or keep my trap shut until they've had the opportunity to positively embrace the situation themselves. I am 9 weeks pregnant with my first baby at 37, been married since I was 20. And STILL this pregnancy was not planned. We weren't unhappy when I found out....but we were in shock for a few days. When we finally let our friends and family know at 6 weeks they were estatic. They didn't care whether it was planned or not. Actually they knew it wasn't planned and still had the audacity to get excited whether we were or not. LOL.
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    If you think you get a look being young, you should try being 37 and having your 6th! EVERYONE assumes this is some late in life, oopsie!  It apparently is insane to want 6 kids at all, much less when you're my age :) lol! 

    If it is a family member or close friend I brush it off with a laugh and a "you cheeky girl, I have 5 kids... I have to plan going to the bathroom alone, of course this is planned!" and they laugh and apologize and I'm not overly insulted. Now a total or virtual stranger? I'm more outspoken. They get " Oh goody we're going to share intimate details of our sex lives... You first!" and smile real big looking eager for them to start.

    I figure that'll make a point - or at the very least entertain me! 

    Lucky Mom to 5 girls: 09/97, 06/99, 10/02, 11/04, 04/08 & Peanut #6 due in April! Pregnancy Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    I've only told a fe people I'm pregnant and almost all of them have asked if it was planned (including my normally very sensitive/supportive mom). My husband and I have been married 4 years and are very stable- why would you assume it was anything but?  It's been really frustrating me. 
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    I am getting this all the time! And "was it an accident?" I'm 28, he's 31, 3 years married...um, no, not an accident. 

    I love the "were you an accident?" reply! 

    My little boy: 3/8/13
    Baby #2 due 8/17/17 
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    imagejwagne12:
    I have one week left of my first trimester! YAY! But now that more people are finding out I keep getting asked "Did you plan it??" I find it kind of rude to ask that. I get that we are young (we are both 23) but I've been married to my DH for a almost a year and a half before we got pregnant, and even if we weren't I don't remember when that part became their business...I just find it to be kind of a rude question.

    I personally won't be offended if people ask me this. I like that I'm (kind of) a young mom, and I am proud of the family I'm starting. I don't think most people ask this question to be rude intentionally. I think they're just trying to find out more about your pregnancy, which can be a way to show support, right?

    However, I definitely believe that you have the right to refrain from answering this question. Your sex life and future plans with your husband are really between the two of you. You can always just say something like, "We're so happy and excited" and leave it at that. 

    Amanda

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    I've never had anybody ask me that, which is a good thing. I might have a bit of a meltdown... But, pretty much everybody I know already knows my husband and I definitely planned this.

    I'm sorry people have been rude to you. :(

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    imagejwagne12:
    I have one week left of my first trimester! YAY! But now that more people are finding out I keep getting asked "Did you plan it??" I find it kind of rude to ask that. I get that we are young (we are both 23) but I've been married to my DH for a almost a year and a half before we got pregnant, and even if we weren't I don't remember when that part became their business...I just find it to be kind of a rude question.

     

    I don't think it's rude.  People ask me the same thing and I'm 33.  I think they just want to know a little more about how you are feeling and are trying to show interest.  You may not think it is any of their business, but you made it their business when you told them you were pregnant.  You can't pick and choose.  Either invite people in or don't.

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