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Need to vent on someone's reaction

Told my brother and SIL today and didn't get a good reaction from her. She's like...are you ready for this?  It's going to change your life. 

 

Really?  Why would you ask someone under 35 this question??!!!  She had her first at 31 and 4 kids later...did I ask her that?  Nope!  She also added that we shouldn't buy nice things because they'll just ruin it.

 

Well guess what SIL I'm not you and won't let my kids ruin my house.  She said congrats, but wasn't very excited.  Im thinking that she's jealous that her kids won't be the only grand kids and center of attention.  It's just messed up and needed to vent.

 

For her being 41 I expected a different reaction.  Anyone else have an experience like this?

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Re: Need to vent on someone's reaction

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    imageLittleOne5222:

    Really?  Why would you ask someone under 35 this question??!!! 

    I don't get this.  What do you mean?

    I didn't think my kid would practice his Ms on my couch today, but he did :) 

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    imageJenG329:
    imageLittleOne5222:

    Really?  Why would you ask someone under 35 this question??!!! 

    I don't get this.  What do you mean?


     

    Would this have been an appropriate question for someone over 35?  This made no sense whatsoever.

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    All I was saying is that I'm an adult.  I was trying to tell my age, but I guess my wording wasn't correct. 

     

     

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    I would never ask someone...are you ready.  It's the way she said it to me. 
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    Gotcha.  Yea...she's got something stuck up her ass.
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    imageGhostMonkey:

    So it's not even remotely possible that you are blowing this insanely out of proportion? Because it sounds that way.

    What does her age or number of children have to do with anything? 

     

     

    If you knew her you would know.  It's all about her and her family.  This isn't the first time in all my life she's done this/reacted like this.  

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    I feel a tiny bit snarky today and I usually try to be really nice on here but....

    Maybe, despite your age, she thinks you are too immature to have children?  That's how I would take that comment.  Despite her personal feelings though, it was a rude answer to your news and she should have just said congratuations. 

    Also, I had a really difficult time reading your post and figuring out what she actually said to you...quotation marks are a quote's best friend...

     

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    I think what she said is rude. I agree with you... Her reaction could have been different.

     

    With DS, I told pretty early and i called my uncle to tell him. His wife got on the phone and told me to not tell the whole world because I could end up with a m/c. She didnt say congrats or anything. Some people are just mean and seems like your SIL is too.

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    DBs mother's response was "I'm not happy about this."

     Our pregnancy was unplanned, but I am 26 and my guy is 30 and we've decided to take this on together.

    She then followed up with saying I got pregnant on purpose to take his house and money.

    Yes, it's a surprise. But it's a miracle, and we are blessed.

    I hate when everyone says "shell come around when the baby comes." that's 8 months away! I don't have time for that nonsense. Either be supportive, or go away until you can be. 

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    OP- How old are you?  Have you completed your education?  Do you have a career?  Can you support yourself? 

    Until I know the answers to these questions, I cannot judge this situation. 

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    imagelaurakaz13:

    OP- How old are you?  Have you completed your education?  Do you have a career?  Can you support yourself? 

    Until I know the answers to these questions, I cannot judge this situation. 

     

    Yes to all.  Im over 30 and married with a career. We own a house, have a dog and are ready for a baby.  

     

     

      

      

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    Bottom line is that she should have left it at Congrats. 
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    At least you got a congrats!  Yes, extremely rude, but a congrats is a good thing.

    When I told my sister, not SIL, my sister, I got a "meh" and a shoulder shrug!!

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    imageDaenaria:

    DBs mother's response was "I'm not happy about this."

     Our pregnancy was unplanned, but I am 26 and my guy is 30 and we've decided to take this on together.

    She then followed up with saying I got pregnant on purpose to take his house and money.

    Yes, it's a surprise. But it's a miracle, and we are blessed.

    I hate when everyone says "shell come around when the baby comes." that's 8 months away! I don't have time for that nonsense. Either be supportive, or go away until you can be. 

     

    yeah, my MIL's first reaction to DH was "are you sure it's yours?" luckily he told her without me around.... I mean, ***... we ARE married!!!

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    imagelaurakaz13:

    OP- How old are you?  Have you completed your education?  Do you have a career?  Can you support yourself? 

    Until I know the answers to these questions, I cannot judge this situation. 

    ok, that DOESN'T matter... it was rude regardless of the answer to all of those questions. yes, having children changes everything, but I know from personal experience that it is possible to finish college and start a career with a child. 

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    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    imagelaurakaz13:

    OP- How old are you?  Have you completed your education?  Do you have a career?  Can you support yourself? 

    Until I know the answers to these questions, I cannot judge this situation. 

    ok, that DOESN'T matter... it was rude regardless of the answer to all of those questions. yes, having children changes everything, but I know from personal experience that it is possible to finish college and start a career with a child. 

    You are right, these things don't matter however it certainly makes this SIL look like more a b!tch for saying that seeing that she seems to be at a good place in her life for having kids. Obviously none of these things are a requirement.

    I think you are right and your SIL is probably jealous that is no longer going to be about her kids all the time.  She had her four kids and now it's your turn, she should just be happy for you.  My SIL is super excited for us but she is also one of those people that likes her kids to be the centre of attention.

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    imageLittleOne5222:

    She also added that we shouldn't buy nice things because they'll just ruin it.

     

    Well guess what SIL I'm not you and won't let my kids ruin my house.   

    LOL.

    Don't say what you will and will not do. I did that before DS was born. He has ruined multiple things in the house, despite being a pretty good natured toddler. But still, he's a toddler. You turn your back for half a second, and who knows what just got destroyed.

    The best you can do if you want to purchase nice things is to put them in a place where your children never go, and is basically barred off.

    I don't think you should try and decipher why her reaction wasn't what you thought. It may not be jealousy at all, but the simple fact that she may be having a hard time with 4 kids and missing the days, sans kids, like you have. 

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    imagekparker83:

    At least you got a congrats!  Yes, extremely rude, but a congrats is a good thing.

    When I told my sister, not SIL, my sister, I got a "meh" and a shoulder shrug!!

     Im sorry your SIL reacted like this.  :-(.   

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    imagemishka29:
    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    imagelaurakaz13:

    OP- How old are you?  Have you completed your education?  Do you have a career?  Can you support yourself? 

    Until I know the answers to these questions, I cannot judge this situation. 

    ok, that DOESN'T matter... it was rude regardless of the answer to all of those questions. yes, having children changes everything, but I know from personal experience that it is possible to finish college and start a career with a child. 

    You are right, these things don't matter however it certainly makes this SIL look like more a b!tch for saying that seeing that she seems to be at a good place in her life for having kids. Obviously none of these things are a requirement.

    I think you are right and your SIL is probably jealous that is no longer going to be about her kids all the time.  She had her four kids and now it's your turn, she should just be happy for you.  My SIL is super excited for us but she is also one of those people that likes her kids to be the centre of attention.

     

    Agreed! 

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    People are weird! I want my SIL to get pregnant so DD can have some cousins!
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    Your SIL sounds like a nasty old hag, ignore her. 

    You don't need that kind of negative crap right now. I just wouldn't talk to her anymore until she can muster up some basic good manners.  

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    imagedande2129:
    imageLittleOne5222:

    She also added that we shouldn't buy nice things because they'll just ruin it.

     

    Well guess what SIL I'm not you and won't let my kids ruin my house.   

    LOL.

    Don't say what you will and will not do. I did that before DS was born. He has ruined multiple things in the house, despite being a pretty good natured toddler. But still, he's a toddler. You turn your back for half a second, and who knows what just got destroyed.

    The best you can do if you want to purchase nice things is to put them in a place where your children never go, and is basically barred off.

    I don't think you should try and decipher why her reaction wasn't what you thought. It may not be jealousy at all, but the simple fact that she may be having a hard time with 4 kids and missing the days, sans kids, like you have. 

    This is SO true and I totally fell into that trap! I didn't think my child would do half of the stuff that she has done. It happens so quickly. I was in the bathroom for five minutes and she took out my nail polish and painted three walls of my bedroom. In five minutes! I never saw that coming!

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    imageLittleOne5222:

    Told my brother and SIL today and didn't get a good reaction from her. She's like...are you ready for this?  It's going to change your life. 

     

    Really?  Why would you ask someone under 35 this question??!!!  She had her first at 31 and 4 kids later...did I ask her that?  Nope!  She also added that we shouldn't buy nice things because they'll just ruin it.

     

    Well guess what SIL I'm not you and won't let my kids ruin my house.  She said congrats, but wasn't very excited.  Im thinking that she's jealous that her kids won't be the only grand kids and center of attention.  It's just messed up and needed to vent.

     

    For her being 41 I expected a different reaction.  Anyone else have an experience like this?

    What I think is interesting is.... WTF does she expect you to do? When she asked if you were SURE you were ready, you should have made your eyes really huge and said, "Oh my God! You're right! You just made me realize I'm NOT ready AT ALL! What should I do now???!?!!!!!!"

    Just take it with a grain of salt. Obviously she has her own issue that is preventing her from being happy for you, and who knows what that might be. I would focus on the people who did have a positive reaction and are excited for you. 

    Amanda

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    I'm sorry she wasn't more positive, and the whole "it'll change your life" thing is just tired.  We got that a lot with DD, (and no, we weren't that young, either), but people say stupid crap, y'know?  

    She does have a point about the "ruining" things, though.  You may have a sweet natured LO who has a gentle temperament, or an exploring, gets-into-everything whirlwind like our DD.  We don't have anything I really worry about her ruining, but she colors places you didn't think she'd color (like on herself or her clothes), spills on herself/me to the point where I have to always dress in camouflage, and keeps us on our toes.  Your experience may be different, but it's not a bad idea to hide anything you don't want destroyed or 'decorated.'  

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    My MIL made some similar comments before I was able to get pregnant. I was pretty distraught over my battle with infertility already when she made these comments, but I did my very, very best to keep my mouth shut and not respond to her, because I know I'd have said something I'd have regretted later...

    Some people don't have a good filter and just let whatever comments they want come out of their mouths. :(

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    Well, I can understand how your SIL's reaction would make you feel, but honestly, maybe she thinks your not ready and is trying to be helpful. Your kid might very well ruin your house, that's less about parenting and more about the nature of the kid you get. She's obviously seen you interact with her kids, maybe she doesn't think you know what your in for.
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    I learned quickly with DD that you have to take everything people say to you while pregnant with a grain of salt.  You're going to get tons of unsolicited advice and comments.  You learn to just nod, smile and move along.
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